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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, my cousin came to visit from America. While out shopping, she said loudly that she was having trouble finding clothes to fit around her huge fanny, causing a lot of people to stare in our direction. I had to explain to her that "fanny" in the UK means "vagina." FML

#12975254
270 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34139) - you deserved it (3902)

On 09/09/2010 at 10:00am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, whilst sat next to a old lady on a flight back to the UK, I exclaimed how I wished somebody would gag the crying baby a few rows behind us. Her reply was, "That's my grandson." FML

#12973891
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9604) - you deserved it (34120)

On 09/09/2010 at 6:01am - misc - by myles bevan - United Kingdom

Today, my mum thought it would be acceptable to tell my school that the reason I will not be attending classes is because I have "the shits." FML

#12960697
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27119) - you deserved it (2755)

On 09/08/2010 at 7:24am - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)

Today, on my way to work, the obese old guy in the house opposite mine offered me tips on my yoga technique. Not only were his tips helpful, but I now know I should either close my curtains or put clothes on when I do yoga. FML

#12874648
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7878) - you deserved it (33703)

On 09/02/2010 at 8:16pm - misc - by nakedyogagirl (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I found out that my very expensive and beautiful smelling perfume attracts wasps. Whenever I go out, wherever I am, I am followed by multiple wasps. FML

#12804085
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20382) - you deserved it (5691)

On 08/29/2010 at 11:45am - animals - by unluckiestperson - United Kingdom (Suffolk)

Today, my girlfriend and I were role playing when her mum walked past the slightly open door, saw me, and chased me out of the house for stealing her baby's innocence. I was only wearing a red speedo. FML

#12775979
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12075) - you deserved it (33323)

On 08/27/2010 at 7:16pm - intimacy - by yeah - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my girlfriend asked me how big the Sun would be compared to the Earth. I didn't have anything on me to help demonstrate, so to imitate the Earth, I made a small hole with my index finger and thumb and said "Okay, imagine a ball this small." She then looked at my crotch. FML

#12769605
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24557) - you deserved it (11579)

On 08/27/2010 at 8:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I got a text from my boyfriend whilst on the train home from spending the weekend with him at his Grandparents house. It said 'Gran says to tell you that the bin beside the toilet is actually for storing spare shampoos and tooth brushes, so could you not put your tampons in it next time?' FML

#12725803
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30989) - you deserved it (7579)

On 08/24/2010 at 7:46pm - love - by DyingOfShame (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, my loving boyfriend told me that he wanted to go to the cinema with the girl he loves. The other girl he loves, but don't worry it's "not" a date. FML

#12687396
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26740) - you deserved it (2718)

On 08/22/2010 at 7:19pm - love - by Squishy (woman) - United Kingdom (Cornwall)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. According to his Facebook, he had a new girlfriend 16 seconds later. FML

#12682648
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33203) - you deserved it (3081)

On 08/22/2010 at 1:02pm - love - by mollyeyers - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, I fell down the stairs while reading the 'mind your step' sign. FML

#12606847
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23525) - you deserved it (12983)

On 08/18/2010 at 3:20pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Staffordshire)

Today, I shaved off the beard I had been forced to grow over the past 3 weeks due to forgetting my razor when away. 15 Minutes in, with half my beard gone, I realised I had got a tan everywhere but my beard. I now have a large white patch on my face. FML

#12601723
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27095) - you deserved it (11658)

On 08/18/2010 at 8:01am - misc - by Herbiee (man) - United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne)

Today, whilst I was working in McDonald's, a customer threw their Quarterpounder at me because it had pickles and he said he didn't want any pickles in his burger. I didn't even serve him. I'd just started my shift. FML



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