Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, it is my birthday. So far I have received: the news that my parents are divorcing, a dead bird and a pile of shit left on my bed (courtesy of the cat), a rash all over my face, and some slippers from my boyfriend. FML

#13589791
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32400) - you deserved it (2792)

On 10/25/2010 at 1:08pm - animals - by sambo99 - United Kingdom (Herefordshire)

Today, I babysat my neighbour's spoilt bratty twins. When I told them it was their bed time, they pushed me over. One then started smashing me with a plastic sword, and as I lay helpless on the floor the other one peed on me. I got owned by two five year olds. FML

#13587317
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17294) - you deserved it (27747)

On 10/25/2010 at 6:06am - misc - by peestain (man) - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, I woke up and had a flick through my camera photos. To my disgust my mother had taken pictures of herself, drunk out of her mind, naked with goggles on in our hot tub. FML

#13586987
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23097) - you deserved it (2418)

On 10/25/2010 at 4:28am - intimacy - by kimbo (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I was selling personalised stockings at work. When handing a customer's order over to her, which had no name on, I joked, "Oooh this is a bit mysterious". She replied, "Actually, it's in memory of the baby I miscarried earlier this year." FML

#13574389
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28264) - you deserved it (9045)

On 10/24/2010 at 9:06am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Staffordshire)

Today, I failed my driving test. The examiner insisted I that didn't check a junction before pulling out. I did, he just didn't notice because he was too busy staring at my chest. FML

#13535807
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30050) - you deserved it (4675)

On 10/21/2010 at 9:55am - misc - by unlucky (woman) - United Kingdom (Swindon)

Today, a little girl came up to me and asked, "Are you a boy or a girl?" I said, "I'm a girl of course!" She walked away, looking dazed and saying, "Whoa." FML

#13513832
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26062) - you deserved it (5421)

On 10/19/2010 at 5:23pm - misc - by lookslikeaboyapparently (woman) - United Kingdom (Falkirk)

Today, I realised my dad speaks to me the same way he speaks to my dog when she's done something bad. FML

#13459944
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21151) - you deserved it (3038)

On 10/15/2010 at 3:35pm - animals - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I got fined when my fat dog decided to walk across a private film set to get at the catering area. FML

#13433237
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19956) - you deserved it (9007)

On 10/13/2010 at 11:28am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, I was traveling by bus. There were no spare seats, so I stood next to a seated lady. When she got off at her stop, I was amused because her bum made the shape of a mushroom on the seat. I went to sit on it. So I'm sitting there when I realise the seat is really warm... and wet. FML

#13417428
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29546) - you deserved it (7408)

On 10/12/2010 at 5:26am - misc - by babydoll (woman) - United Kingdom (Fife)

Today, I have a busy day of college work ahead of me. I figured I'd best have a good breakfast. Then I realised I'd completely ran out of food except for various types of sauces and condiments. So what am I having for breakfast today? That's right. A nice cup of Gravy. FML

#13416322
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10890) - you deserved it (26727)

On 10/12/2010 at 2:24am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Lancashire)

Today, I was tidying my room when my gran came in and offered to help. I said I didn't need any, but she started going through it anyway. She found a tube of "Very Cherry" lube and asked what it was. I subtly tore off the label and tried to convince her it was a face mask. She's taken it to try it out tonight. FML

#13394312
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24350) - you deserved it (8105)

On 10/10/2010 at 4:29pm - intimacy - by Dilly - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to use my epilator on my eyebrows. Needless to say I now have the eyebrow equivalent of a comb-over. FML

#13389491
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5228) - you deserved it (22516)

On 10/10/2010 at 5:05am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I found out I was pregnant. I told my boyfriend, who held me and promised it'd be all right, and he'd never leave me. One sandwich later, he'd forgotten about the whole thing, and dumped me when I reminded him. FML

#13339681
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35994) - you deserved it (5314)

On 10/06/2010 at 3:21am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)



FML's blog

  • Matteor's illustrated FML #2
  • So, is everyone back from their vacation? Can we get back to regular programming? No? OK, I get it. You're all still crying about not being at the beach any more, well, I am anyway. And this time of year…

Thursday 11 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: