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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I was unbelievably horny so I sent a kinky text message to a boy I really like, only to receive the reply, "Not tonight, I'm raging Minecraft, having a wank, and going to sleep. Try again tomorrow." FML

#16667115
300 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36973) - you deserved it (14308)

On 06/14/2011 at 9:17pm - intimacy - by Username - United Kingdom (Lancashire)

Today, I was arrested for carrying a dangerous weapon. I was on my way home from the shop where I'd bought a new kitchen knife. FML

#16657844
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34749) - you deserved it (3346)

On 06/14/2011 at 6:47am - misc - by lalala (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I found out the reason my boyfriend had been encouraging me to send him 'personal' videos was so he could sell them online to porn websites. FML

#16646185
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48267) - you deserved it (18597)

On 06/13/2011 at 3:23pm - intimacy - by secretpornstar - United Kingdom (Edinburgh)

Today, I went into work for the first time without make-up. My boss thought I looked so tired and ill that he sent me home. FML

#16624157
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37867) - you deserved it (7670)

On 06/12/2011 at 7:46am - work - by FreshFaced (woman) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, my dog surprised everyone by somehow managing to climb on the roof. I followed him up and spent the next hour trying to catch him. FML

#16597604
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26209) - you deserved it (3917)

On 06/10/2011 at 4:39pm - animals - by crazydog (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I shat out a staple. FML

#16576766
337 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37816) - you deserved it (16386)

On 06/09/2011 at 11:04am - health - by wtf - United Kingdom (Edinburgh)

Today, I used the staff toilets at school. As I sat down, I heard a sudden plop, followed by the stench of diarrhoea from the next cubicle. It was followed by a "I do apologise!" It was my English teacher. And we continued to chat. FML

#16575897
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33074) - you deserved it (6889)

On 06/09/2011 at 9:22am - health - by IPityTheStool (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my dad was given 2 VIP tickets to see my favourite band in concert next week. You can now find them on eBay. FML

#16560857
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37350) - you deserved it (3780)

On 06/08/2011 at 10:51am - misc - by cheersdaddy (woman) - United Kingdom (Midlothian)

Today, I discovered my mother went into the local pub where I work part time, got very drunk, and flashed her boobs at everyone. I found out when a picture was posted on Facebook. FML

#16527434
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34542) - you deserved it (2884)

On 06/06/2011 at 9:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, my family went and visited my nan. She ushered me in close and asked, "When are you going to knock it off with all this emo cockshite?" FML

#16499579
298 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15235) - you deserved it (43763)

On 06/04/2011 at 2:09pm - misc - by Flarewolf (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my ex boyfriend's band has become quite popular on YouTube. My friends and sister won't stop singing their songs. Most of them were written after I dumped him, and go on to say how much better off he is without me and how horrible I am. FML

#16495662
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31597) - you deserved it (21897)

On 06/04/2011 at 7:35am - love - by guttedgirl (woman) - United Kingdom (Staffordshire)

Today, my dad came round to the house. Looking rather pleased with himself he pulled out his phone, grinned, and chucked it over to me. I glanced at the screen to see a naked woman. He smiled and said "I tapped that last night". FML

#16480333
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43663) - you deserved it (4608)

On 06/03/2011 at 6:17am - intimacy - by peaaaak (woman) - United Kingdom (Thurrock)

Today, whilst at my job as a lifeguard, a small child decided he couldn't hold it any longer and released his bowels in the pool. It was my job to clean up his dump, including the floating pieces of sweetcorn. FML

#16474774
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37576) - you deserved it (3006)

On 06/02/2011 at 9:44pm - work - by corn - United Kingdom (Hertford)



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