Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, my young son wanted to rent some movie with talking animals in it for us to watch together. I couldn't say no, but talking animal movies freak me out big time, I either start to cry or feel nauseous. Especially ones with dogs. What is wrong with me? FML

#18217794
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28321) - you deserved it (7972)

On 11/11/2011 at 10:37am - animals - by Pk45 (man) - United Kingdom (Swansea)

Today, I sat on the toilet and fell off as the broken toilet seat slid off. As I fell, I grabbed the light cord in an effort to stop myself, and pulled it out of the ceiling. Now I can't use the toilet, and have to shower in the dark. FML

#18208343
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25853) - you deserved it (5840)

On 11/10/2011 at 6:16am - misc - by Sack - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking down the road when a twat on a quad-bike smashed into my leg. It seems that I should've been "walking on the right side of the pavement." FML

#18199894
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23308) - you deserved it (3483)

On 11/09/2011 at 5:57am - misc - by LukeyBoy - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, my baby son latched onto my nipple for a feed, after a month of having to be bottle fed because he wouldn't latch. This would be fantastic, if it weren't for the fact that I'm his father, not his mother. FML

#18191670
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43044) - you deserved it (4209)

On 11/08/2011 at 9:01am - kids - by possiblyoverweight (man) - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to have sex with a piece of fruit. FML

#18190231
328 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47289) - you deserved it (8312)

On 11/08/2011 at 1:11am - intimacy - by lunarstrain - United Kingdom (London)

Today, the motorway I usually use was closed off due to a major car accident. With no way off the freeway, my trip took three times longer than usual. I lost control of my bladder mid-way. FML

#18175852
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27792) - you deserved it (5410)

On 11/06/2011 at 4:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my father met my boyfriend for the first time at dinner. The only thing he said to him the whole evening was, "Are you circumcised?" FML

#18164044
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34365) - you deserved it (3205)

On 11/05/2011 at 11:59am - misc - by shamed - United Kingdom

Today, I learned if you dream you're having a piss, you most likely are having a piss. FML

#18163240
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42621) - you deserved it (5651)

On 11/05/2011 at 9:43am - health - by rj93 - United Kingdom (Ballymena)

Today, it was my first time taking blood on the ward. The doctor saw that I was nervous and gave me a violent old man with schizophrenia who thought I was there to kill him. FML

Today, I have my first university lecture on lab safety. Having gone out the night before with my house-mates, I have the worst hangover of my life, and have to listen for an hour and a half while they loudly demonstrate the types of alarms we'll hear in different kinds of emergencies. FML

#18138100
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13447) - you deserved it (49129)

On 11/02/2011 at 12:39pm - misc - by ...loud noises...urgh... (woman) - United Kingdom (York)

Today, I came home from school, only to find I was locked out. The cars were all there, but no one was in. It wasn't until I heard continuous banging from my parents' window that it clicked. They locked me out for over an hour in freezing weather just to have sex. FML

#18138083
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42032) - you deserved it (4510)

On 11/02/2011 at 12:37pm - intimacy - by miley098 - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I turned in an overdue English assignment at college. My instructor accused me of plagiarism, writing that my sentence structure was "TO" good. Seriously? FML

#18119295
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35232) - you deserved it (4245)

On 10/31/2011 at 6:09am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Peterborough)

Today, while trying to get my phone to charge, I shoved in the cable harder and harder and tried to wobble it so my phone would charge. After snapping the USB input from the force, I saw the plug was switched off. FML

#18106914
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7222) - you deserved it (42225)

On 10/29/2011 at 9:34pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Poole)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: