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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I found that when a hot girl asks you whether you have a girlfriend, saying, "I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one" is not the best way to proceed. FML

#18442495
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11414) - you deserved it (73024)

On 12/06/2011 at 1:45am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I noticed that my facial hair had grown by an acceptable amount. I spoke to my Dad and decided to show him, thinking he would approve of my manliness. His exact words when I showed him were, "Nah, son. You just look like a lesbian." FML

#18439868
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28157) - you deserved it (5433)

On 12/05/2011 at 9:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset)

Today, the girl I've had a crush on for years asked if I could be her "emergency gay friend". Worst part? I said yes. FML

#18425208
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28230) - you deserved it (25511)

On 12/04/2011 at 3:36am - love - by lifesucksbigtimefuys - United Kingdom (Devon)

Today, my mom, who is relatively new to Facebook, posted on her friend's wall, telling her about her recent diagnosis of vaginal thrush. She assumed that her wall post was private. Six of my friends liked the post. FML

#18417580
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36923) - you deserved it (3204)

On 12/03/2011 at 6:23am - intimacy - by djkimmaz - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I helped myself to a small glass of cocktail from the fridge, not realising it was alcoholic. I told my mom what happened. She made me drink salty water until I vomited so I wouldn't get "alcohol poisoning". I'm 19. FML

#18417411
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33143) - you deserved it (7867)

On 12/03/2011 at 5:05am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, at a nightclub, a cute girl started hitting on me. I got into it and we danced. Just as she started getting frisky with me, a guy shoved me off, smacked me to the floor with a right-hook, and shouted, "That's what you get for touching my woman." FML

#18414654
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31031) - you deserved it (4558)

On 12/02/2011 at 9:02pm - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I went into hospital and was being treated by a really cute doctor. Not knowing that I was going to end up here, I put on novelty underwear this morning. Well, at least he found the little green glow-in-the-dark skulls amusing. FML

#18402920
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23821) - you deserved it (5562)

On 12/01/2011 at 12:09pm - misc - by Hot Pants (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, in a store, an obnoxious woman, swearing loudly and slapping at her out-of-control kids, was disrupting the whole place. I said to the cashier, "That nasty woman should leave the brats at home." She gave me a filthy look and said "Do you mind? That's my sister." FML

#18392914
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32934) - you deserved it (18973)

On 11/30/2011 at 9:15am - misc - by oops - United Kingdom

Today, my dad announced to the whole family that we will be having a vegetarian dinner this Christmas to make my step-mum happy. FML

#18392103
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35044) - you deserved it (5499)

On 11/30/2011 at 4:27am - misc - by BFH4Life (woman) - United Kingdom (Plymouth)

Today, a guy lost control of his umbrella in the wind, which then hit me in the eye, making me bleed. He screamed at me for trying to steal his umbrella. People laughed. FML

#18386574
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35761) - you deserved it (2162)

On 11/29/2011 at 6:59pm - misc - by anon - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my neighbours kicked my football back over the fence. They'd slashed it and taped a note to the remains that said, "Do it again and it'll be your face." Now I'm scared to play football in my own backyard. FML

#18350483
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28660) - you deserved it (3776)

On 11/25/2011 at 8:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my parents have a list of everything I have ever Googled. FML

#18346585
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38039) - you deserved it (7729)

On 11/25/2011 at 12:17pm - misc - by 14YearOld (man) - United Kingdom (South Ayrshire)

Today, I was walking to the kitchen in the dark. Something caught my eye and I turned to see a man standing in the corner, clear as day. I jumped and closed my eyes for a split second. When I opened them, he was nowhere to be seen. I'm now terrified to live in my own home. FML

#18338481
494 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49713) - you deserved it (4650)

On 11/24/2011 at 3:30pm - misc - by haunted (woman) - United Kingdom (London)



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