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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I bleached my hair. Not only did it fry, it also has a very noticeable green tint and because of the damage, I can't dye it again for a while. Now I keep getting asked "Why so serious?" by my friends. FML

#14600579
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9744) - you deserved it (28335)

On 01/16/2011 at 12:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Torbay)

Today, I was at my girlfriends house. After having sex, we went downstairs to where the rest of the family was. At this point I did not realise that I had a used condom stuck to my foot. The family did. FML

#14586619
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11461) - you deserved it (35142)

On 01/15/2011 at 5:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I came home, turned on my laptop, and turned the TV on mute so I could check my email. My mom came home an hour later, took a look at me on the couch, then the TV, and asked what on earth I was watching. I looked up from my laptop and realized it was porn. FML

#14580215
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15675) - you deserved it (27704)

On 01/14/2011 at 6:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Devon)

Today, a friend asked me to come with her to the art building at school, so I could pose in the stance of a figure she was drawing for her exam. I obliged and sat for the pose. When the art teacher walked by she looked at me, then at the sketch, pointed to the legs and said, "make them fatter". FML

#14577178
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24290) - you deserved it (3877)

On 01/14/2011 at 11:28am - misc - by humiliated (woman) - United Kingdom (East Ayrshire)

Today, I found out that my Mum has spent the money she's been saving for my wedding on moving house. She called saving for a wedding for me a 'pointless cause' as it's probably never going to happen now. I'm only 22. FML

#14552132
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24779) - you deserved it (3292)

On 01/12/2011 at 8:14am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend of a year dumped me by text. It's also the day that the birthday present I ordered for him was finally processed and shipped, meaning I can't cancel and get my money back. FML

#14551345
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24341) - you deserved it (2421)

On 01/12/2011 at 5:58am - love - by lovefool (woman) - United Kingdom (Stockport)

Today, I had to explain to my friend why it's inappropriate to conduct a phone conversation while simultaneously eating a bagel, listening to music, and taking a shit. FML

#14521055
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21919) - you deserved it (3465)

On 01/09/2011 at 1:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I went on a date for the first time in months. Over dessert, my date told a joke, and I tittered vigorously, causing me to choke and throw up all over my date. FML

#14499685
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25693) - you deserved it (5591)

On 01/07/2011 at 6:42pm - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London)

Today, at work, I was asked to sharpen some pencils. I'm an electronics and mechanics engineer, and while I understand it's been quite a while since I was in primary school, I still wonder why my boss felt the need to explain in minute detail how to sharpen a pencil. FML

#14494219
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23041) - you deserved it (2594)

On 01/07/2011 at 4:11am - work - by dibman (man) - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, I had to walk three miles home from work. Both my parents were at home. The reason they wouldn't collect me is apparently because I've "gotten so fat, your grandma cried after she saw you". FML

#14492583
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19233) - you deserved it (22963)

On 01/07/2011 at 12:46am - health - by biscuit (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I had a show with my drama group. My mom isn't a good drunk, she decided to scream along to every song and pass out halfway through. She was in the front row. FML

#14484752
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25078) - you deserved it (2282)

On 01/06/2011 at 11:46am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Aberdeen City)

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about our new year's resolutions. I started telling him that I wanted to lose some weight. He interrupted me, saying, "Yeah yeah, we all know you're fat, whatever." He then went on a 30 minute speech about how he'd really like to take more pictures of his cat in 2011. FML

#14463244
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26181) - you deserved it (5632)

On 01/04/2011 at 2:34pm - animals - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (York)

Today, I discovered after four hours of vomiting that it is very much possible to vomit so hard you can't help but shit in your trousers. My boyfriend is currently staying over, too. FML

#14458988
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24964) - you deserved it (2507)

On 01/04/2011 at 2:12am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)



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