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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, after getting back from my interior design class, I told my husband that I learned the golden rule for home decor: "Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful." He looked at me dead in the eyes, and didn't say a word. FML

#21068258
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36100) - you deserved it (6271)

On 02/22/2014 at 6:01am - misc - by housedoctor (woman) - United Kingdom (Sheffield)

Today, with a single misstep, I managed to send myself and several others tumbling down a stairwell at work. An ambulance ended up having to be called for one lady. FML

#21067848
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36990) - you deserved it (4477)

On 02/21/2014 at 7:20pm - work - by ashamedklutz (man) - United Kingdom (Fife)

Today, I watched my brother attempt to cook some eggs without turning the gas on. FML

#21066280
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37309) - you deserved it (4590)

On 02/20/2014 at 5:01am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, after 10 months of hard work, it was the opening night of the show I was directing. Everybody loved it, except my mother. She called it the worst thing she'd ever seen. Thanks for the support, mum. FML

#21065609
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35429) - you deserved it (3013)

On 02/19/2014 at 4:33pm - work - by Disappointed (woman) - United Kingdom (Brighton and Hove)

Today, my boss bitched me out on the sales floor for a good 10 minutes, because I wasn't "smiling the right way" for our customers. FML

#21062398
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37452) - you deserved it (3509)

On 02/16/2014 at 12:22pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, I married the love of my life. I was ecstatic until the wedding reception, where my new husband got drunk and started crying about how he'd been "forced" into marrying me. FML

#21060497
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47832) - you deserved it (4512)

On 02/14/2014 at 4:57pm - love - by jacey chreyest (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, during an important exam, I had a huge panic attack and had to run out of the exam hall. Everyone saw me, and now everywhere I go, people keep pretending to have a panic attack and run away from me. I have to spend two more years with these assholes. FML

Today, I was Skyping with a guy I'm really into. I'm not supposed to Skype at night, so when I heard my mum coming, I minimized the window. She walked in before I could mute my mic and started bitching me out for flushing my tampons down the toilet. FML

#21057252
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39004) - you deserved it (22776)

On 02/11/2014 at 3:00pm - misc - by FUUUUCK (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was waiting in line at a clothes store when someone cut in in front of me, and the gentlemen in front of me. I shouted, "Hey! Queue starts back here!". He responded by pointing out the "gentlemen" in front was actually a very realistic mannequin. FML

#21056589
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34339) - you deserved it (15337)

On 02/10/2014 at 7:45pm - misc - by QueueJumper (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I got into a slight spot of shit with my new boss over his speech. Apparently he was not actually impersonating Sylvester the Cat, and he just has a speech impediment. When I jokingly said "sufferin' succotash" to him, he wasn't pleased at all. FML

#21056453
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20218) - you deserved it (37960)

On 02/10/2014 at 5:37pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, less than a week after moving in together, I decided to clean out my husband's messy room. In the process, I found a jar containing what appears to be a toenail collection. I don't think I'll ever regain my appetite. FML

#21055497
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37249) - you deserved it (4817)

On 02/09/2014 at 4:18pm - misc - by Avomitmous (woman) - United Kingdom (Bournemouth)

Today, wanting to break up with my boyfriend, I invited him to dinner with my parents. I was sure they'd hate him, which would give me the excuse I needed. They ended up loving him, and now they won't stop mentioning marriage. FML

#21053604
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22017) - you deserved it (47254)

On 02/07/2014 at 6:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was ringing an elderly gentleman up at work. As I went to package up the buns he ordered, he held up a hand and told me to wait. He then looked me in the eyes, started squeezing them, then winked and told me to go ahead. I've never felt so violated. FML

#21050427
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39484) - you deserved it (4041)

On 02/04/2014 at 4:42pm - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Bristol, City of)



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