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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I was driving my drunk mother home when my phone rang. It was my boyfriend, so I asked her to answer the call. My mother then questioned him on our sex life and was especially interested to know if we'd used handcuffs because I "like them." I have no recollection of ever telling her this. FML

#17702790
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29902) - you deserved it (4581)

On 09/09/2011 at 6:58am - intimacy - by psychicmother (woman) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I was walking down the street when a police officer started walking behind me with his dog. I sped up and tried to cross the road. He took this as suspicious and got the dog to take me to the floor. I've been afraid of dogs since I was 5. FML

#17702644
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33295) - you deserved it (4167)

On 09/09/2011 at 5:59am - animals - by D (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I bought a book by a #1 bestselling author, hoping it would distract me from having my manuscript rejected, as well as learn what made their book so successful. Now I realize I need to say stuff like, "I wish I had great boobs (hehe... boobs)" to get my works published. FML

#17696779
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24866) - you deserved it (3022)

On 09/08/2011 at 2:03pm - misc - by WishIWasAWriter (woman) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I was working alone in the office with my brother. He's run out of work to do, so has been singing Disney songs loudly and badly, throwing stationery at me, and just now snuck up on me from behind and wrapped duct tape round my face. It's just us in the office next week. FML

#17696149
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23621) - you deserved it (2660)

On 09/08/2011 at 11:41am - work - by whyarewerelated (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was giving a talk in class, when halfway through someone pointed out that my pubes were sticking out my trousers. FML

#17690152
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27520) - you deserved it (14005)

On 09/07/2011 at 6:14pm - work - by Sammylad - United Kingdom (London)

Today, after months of unemployment, my only social interaction was with my postman. FML

#17687802
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20868) - you deserved it (5157)

On 09/07/2011 at 11:08am - work - by HT BaaFly (man) - United Kingdom (South Ayrshire)

Today, I was on the toilet at work. After a very loud and very smelly session, I waited until the other stall had been vacated to keep my anonymity. As I leant forward for some toilet roll, my ID fell out of my pocket and into the next stall. When I came out, it was face up near the sink. FML

#17678479
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23589) - you deserved it (4385)

On 09/06/2011 at 4:06am - work - by Shamed - United Kingdom

Today, I'm getting kicked out of my flat because my drunk friends stole a pony and left it tied outside. FML

#17669700
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28745) - you deserved it (3234)

On 09/05/2011 at 11:03am - misc - by thefrightening1 (woman) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, my mother offered to pay for my tickets to go see my girlfriend who I haven't seen for 6 months. She was happy to pay for the £130 flight, but then refused half way through the purchase because she wasn't going to "let the buggers charge £13 extra" for using her credit card. FML

#17668770
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24117) - you deserved it (3234)

On 09/05/2011 at 7:32am - misc - by Grounded (man) - United Kingdom (Norfolk)

Today, I overheard my parents planning on how to get me to move out of the house. It's my house. They only came to visit and forgot to leave. FML

#17668711
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41076) - you deserved it (2961)

On 09/05/2011 at 6:59am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, just after waking up, I caught a glimpse of my girlfriend in the mirror. Not knowing I was awake, she sniffed at her armpits, started gagging, then quietly came back to bed. FML

#17644028
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31320) - you deserved it (4043)

On 09/02/2011 at 12:31pm - love - by Harry Dare - United Kingdom (Walsall)

Today, I was at a music festival, watching one of my favorite bands. The security guys were throwing water into the crowd to cool us down. I saw some about to be thrown by another fan, so I stood with my mouth open to catch some of it. I ended up with a face full of hot piss. FML

#17643298
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31484) - you deserved it (19192)

On 09/02/2011 at 9:45am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my Dad if it was true that my mother had a C-section at my birth. He replied "Yeah, so technically you weren't even born, you were surgically removed, like a tumor." FML

#17638273
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36173) - you deserved it (4527)

On 09/01/2011 at 7:40pm - misc - by mannydanny (woman) - United Kingdom (Coventry)



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