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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I discovered that airbags aren't nearly as comfy as they look. FML

#17375706
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24953) - you deserved it (4246)

On 08/05/2011 at 5:57am - health - by jbthedude - United Kingdom (Dorset)

Today, my daughter wouldn't stop yapping on about not being able to register on the new Harry Potter website. The amount of whiny jibber-jabber emanating from her cake-hole made me want to boot her from our family tree, and I had to resort to booze to wash the pain away. I'm a terrible parent. FML

#17365411
426 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13962) - you deserved it (57169)

On 08/04/2011 at 9:41am - kids - by makeitstop (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, the closest I came to doing something that could be vaguely construed as "constructive" was wanking and crying. Sometimes simultaneously. FML

#17361145
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11439) - you deserved it (25703)

On 08/03/2011 at 11:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was really excited because the girl I'd liked since freshman year asked me out. She came to my house and my mom decided to show her baby pictures of me with tampons up my nose because I'd had a nose bleed. Even worse, there was one picture of me when I was 15 doing the same thing. FML

#17307375
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29814) - you deserved it (9079)

On 07/30/2011 at 8:03am - misc - by tamponface (man) - United Kingdom

Today, after eating out with my boyfriend, we went for a drive, but ended up getting into an argument. I reached back to grab my bag and storm out of the car. He thought I was trying to take the restaurant's doggy bag and lunged at me. My boyfriend would rather save chicken than our relationship. FML

#17294621
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33053) - you deserved it (6129)

On 07/29/2011 at 2:56am - love - by Tallulah (woman) - United Kingdom (Croydon)

Today, at a fancy dress party, I got off with Hitler. FML

#17277146
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20755) - you deserved it (37498)

On 07/27/2011 at 3:23am - intimacy - by SallyGeen (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, the only thing that managed to get me out of bed was scrambling to watch my neighbours have a screaming match in the middle of our street about which one of their brain-dead kids spray-painted "CUNT FLAPS" and a rudimentary knob on the communal garage door. FML

#17266152
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20746) - you deserved it (2651)

On 07/26/2011 at 10:05am - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my dad taped a picture of me to the fridge with "Do not feed the she-beast" written on it. FML

#17250401
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33072) - you deserved it (8252)

On 07/25/2011 at 3:21am - health - by jgdgjyfg - United Kingdom (Rotherham)

Today, I returned home from a three-week vacation. None of my friends realized I'd been gone. FML

#17246685
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30011) - you deserved it (3640)

On 07/24/2011 at 10:34pm - misc - by 88_OP (woman) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I bumped into my ex-boyfriend I still love, and his new girlfriend, who he cheated on me with. Embarrassingly, she was wearing the same top as me. However hers was in size 6, unlike my 16. FML

#17239646
438 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45764) - you deserved it (17183)

On 07/24/2011 at 8:22am - love - by oouchh (woman) - United Kingdom (Milton Keynes)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I put 7 kisses at the end of a text instead of 10. She said that our relationship was bound to fail if "I can't remember important things like that". FML

#17227486
285 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45351) - you deserved it (5627)

On 07/23/2011 at 7:00am - love - by Baconcook3000 (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, my girlfriend put a paper bag over my head while we had sex. Her reason? Because she thinks she is so good in bed she was worried I'd hyperventilate due to all the excitement. Instead I fainted due to lack of oxygen after three minutes. FML

#17215427
328 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38395) - you deserved it (9766)

On 07/22/2011 at 9:38am - intimacy - by quickfingers100 - United Kingdom

Today, I was helping a 7 year old student in my martial arts class with his kicks. My reward? A surprisingly powerful kick to the testicles. FML

#17214769
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28583) - you deserved it (6401)

On 07/22/2011 at 6:51am - kids - by TKDConnor92 (man) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)



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