FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend got mad at me because I refused to keep him company while he took a shit. FML

by HK / 05/16/2012 at 6:38pm / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Love

Today, my fiancée called our engagement off, because apparently she's actually a complete idiot who will believe anything that a slimy con artist tells her. In this case, a "psychic" who mumbled some shit about me having "a dark aura." FML

by waste of effort / 05/15/2012 at 4:56pm / United Kingdom / Love

Today, while in the break room at work, I laughed at a co-worker's joke and started choking on my drink. My boss exclaimed in front of everyone, "We need to teach this girl how to swallow!" to everyone's childish amusement. Now they won't stop calling me Spit. FML

by mel / 05/11/2012 at 5:23pm / United Kingdom (Bournemouth) / Work

Today, I brought my girlfriend home while my parents were at work, and things got a little heated. We lost track of time, because the next thing we knew, my dad burst into the living room. He doubled over laughing and asked how much I paid her. FML

by mal / 05/08/2012 at 4:46pm / United Kingdom (Essex) / Intimacy

Today, I'm cheering myself up about being newly single by having a sleepover with my best friends. Their boyfriends have all decided to sleep over as well though, so I'm currently alone in a corridor with nothing but the sound of all my friends having loud sex to keep me company. FML

by coffeeshopgirl / 05/07/2012 at 8:25pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, my four-year-old daughter started screaming and lashing out at me as I was getting her ready for a bath. It seems my idiot husband told her she was still small enough to be feasted on by the "drain monster". FML

by lon01t / 05/07/2012 at 4:43pm / United Kingdom (Falkirk) / Kids

Today, I finally bought a car, after saving up for a year. My dealer had told me it was a good buy, so I snapped it up then and there. On the way home, the rear axle practically fell out of the car due to frame rot. My dealer wants to buy the car back at half the price. FML

by exalia / 05/07/2012 at 4:40pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Money

Today, I accidentally kicked a can and it hit a man's shoe. He tried to kick it at me but his foot somehow failed to connect with the can. I could hear it rattling behind me as he failed again and again. So he decided to run up behind me and throw it at my head. FML

by thepigeonsfriend / 05/07/2012 at 10:08am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked my dad why there were no photos of me on the wall. He replied, "Every time you disappoint us we burn one." FML

by N / 05/07/2012 at 5:51am / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Miscellaneous

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She promptly had a panic attack and screamed, "No!" FML

by gutted / 05/06/2012 at 10:13pm / United Kingdom / Love

Today, I married the man of my dreams. While I was being driven to our wedding reception, I checked my Facebook. My husband had just updated his status to "Me and the bitch just got hitched." FML

by Bridget / 05/06/2012 at 2:01pm / United Kingdom / Love

Today, the person I've been sharing my most intimate feelings with finally got bored and let me know I've been texting the wrong number for weeks. FML

by john / 05/04/2012 at 3:14pm / United Kingdom (Reading) / Love

Today, the school nurse called me in. She said she knew I was pregnant and she was worried about how it was affecting my grades. I'm not pregnant. Apparently I'm just stupid and fat. FML

by CharlieOrion / 05/04/2012 at 8:25am / United Kingdom (Northamptonshire) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.