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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I contacted my biological father, after not speaking to him for some years, as we had a very strained relationship. I received an automated response. It's probably the best conversation we have ever had. FML

#16328382
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26614) - you deserved it (3110)

On 05/24/2011 at 2:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I went back to the key cutter for the second time because apartment key I gave to my boyfriend didn't work. The man cut me another key and apologised profusely. When I got home and tried the key, it didn't work. I realised I'd asked him to copy the wrong key. Twice. FML

#16313970
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7867) - you deserved it (39672)

On 05/23/2011 at 3:14pm - misc - by M (woman) - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time only to realise she squeals like a baby pig in the process. FML

#16313675
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37645) - you deserved it (8840)

On 05/23/2011 at 2:46pm - intimacy - by Jon - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, after eighteen years of living with my adoptive parents, I met my biological mum for the first time. She's a forty year old, 300lb American woman who wears 'Twilight' t-shirts and will be spending the rest of her visit to the UK trying to find Robert Pattinson. She says I remind her of herself. FML

#16301651
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50898) - you deserved it (3949)

On 05/22/2011 at 7:09pm - kids - by Adoptee (woman) - United Kingdom (Leicestershire)

Today, my Dad married his fiancée, who insists I call her "mom". I'm three years older than her, and went to the same high school. She's taking me shopping next week to buy me something "nice". FML

#16293589
300 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73992) - you deserved it (3828)

On 05/22/2011 at 5:31am - misc - by quickfingers100 - United Kingdom

Today, I went out with my best friend and her hot brother. Upon our exit out of the restaurant I walked right into the glass door and rebounded back off it. The whole restaurant was silent as I shamefully walked out only to trip on the curb outside. FML

#16278743
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34497) - you deserved it (7234)

On 05/21/2011 at 10:18am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up needing to wee. I was at my boyfriend's and didn't want to wake him, so I sat on the edge of the toilet and peed as quietly as possible. I realised after that I'd sat too far over and had peed on the floor. There was no loo paper. FML

#16267774
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11516) - you deserved it (37572)

On 05/20/2011 at 3:05pm - misc - by lionhead14 (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my sister and I both got "good luck" cards from our aunt wishing us well on our exams. My sister's said "We know you will do well". Mine said "We will love you no matter what happens". FML

#16173982
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35663) - you deserved it (4588)

On 05/14/2011 at 4:09pm - misc - by simonjudy (man) - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)

Today, it's my wedding day, and I have uncontrollable diarrhea. FML

#16169290
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62697) - you deserved it (4779)

On 05/14/2011 at 9:17am - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I walked through a spider's web with hundreds of baby spiders on it. My afro is now infested. FML

#16129508
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47066) - you deserved it (16172)

On 05/11/2011 at 1:34pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (West Sussex)

Today, I searched frantically for my glasses for ages. After giving up, I realised I could see perfectly. I had been wearing them the whole time and neither my mother nor my father told me because "it was far too funny" watching me yell "Where the fuck are they?" FML

#16115344
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14800) - you deserved it (43383)

On 05/10/2011 at 6:48am - misc - by Kyle (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, an unpaid intern had his first day at my workplace of seven years. As a joke, my boss gave him the same challenge she gave me on my first day. The intern completed it in 37 minutes. We've always been told it's impossible. Guess we all have to start working harder. FML

Today, I dropped my hair straightener. The good news is I caught it. The bad news is I caught it by the iron itself. FML

#16104533
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31376) - you deserved it (6778)

On 05/09/2011 at 1:15pm - misc - by moron - United Kingdom



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