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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I found out apparently I sleep walk. My boyfriend has been filming me and uploading it all to Youtube. FML

#14356668
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26118) - you deserved it (3988)

On 12/27/2010 at 12:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Derbyshire)

Today, I tried to contact my birth mother, who abandoned me when I was three weeks old. After months of tracing, I finally plucked up the courage to call her. She told me to "f*ck off and die". FML

#14310097
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49633) - you deserved it (6646)

On 12/23/2010 at 11:13am - misc - by unfortunategeek - United Kingdom

Today, I was waiting for my food at McDonald's. I watched the most obese, sweaty man sneeze into the chips, wipe his nose on his hand and use his hand to shovel chips into a bag. They were my chips. FML

#14297288
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29010) - you deserved it (4939)

On 12/22/2010 at 11:28am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (North Yorkshire)

Today, the highlight of my day was someone prank-calling me. FML

#14297205
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20807) - you deserved it (4948)

On 12/22/2010 at 11:19am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Barnsley)

Today, I looked deep into my wife's eyes and told her how much I loved her and how much she meant to me. Her reply was "Clean your glasses." FML

#14284829
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27150) - you deserved it (3734)

On 12/21/2010 at 12:25pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my 14 year-old son sent a broadcast on my blackberry saying ''I'm a young gay man looking for some fun!'' to all my contacts as a joke. What he didn't know was that it's my work phone. FML

#14284329
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34658) - you deserved it (4950)

On 12/21/2010 at 11:18am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, it was my first day on a £600 a week job. I was fired for being 10 minutes late. FML

#14272532
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9528) - you deserved it (56862)

On 12/20/2010 at 1:08pm - work - by Chloe - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't attend her dog's funeral, and was therefore an insensitive bastard. I couldn't attend because my mum has cancer and I was driving her to a hospital appointment. FML

#14263192
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47175) - you deserved it (2936)

On 12/19/2010 at 7:31pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I discovered that the painful eczema I get every winter was actually being caused by the moisturising cream I use to treat it. FML

#14221798
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25117) - you deserved it (3757)

On 12/16/2010 at 7:06am - health - by spleg (man) - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, I was listening to music while I wrapped Christmas presents. All was going well when the music was cut off, literally. I snipped the cable to my very expensive headphones in half. FML

#14212477
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11556) - you deserved it (30314)

On 12/15/2010 at 12:22pm - money - by Username - United Kingdom (Reading)

Today, whilst pleasuring myself in my bedroom, I began absent-mindedly staring at a spider on the ceiling. It wasn't until the point of climax that I realised that I was, in effect, masturbating over a spider. FML

#14205128
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23575) - you deserved it (20490)

On 12/14/2010 at 7:00pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)

Today, after months of dieting, I finally reached my goal weight. Excitedly I told my boyfriend, who gave me a beautiful dress as an early Christmas present. It was a size too small. FML

#14179989
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26600) - you deserved it (4656)

On 12/12/2010 at 3:32pm - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I ran to catch the train, but slipped on the stairs and fell on my shoulder. However, my effort was rendered useless; it wasn't even my train. FML

#14166770
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20283) - you deserved it (4716)

On 12/11/2010 at 2:32pm - misc - by cmzraxsn (man) - United Kingdom (East Lothian)



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