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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I noticed that when I sweat I smell like bacon. I'm a vegetarian. FML

#17756574
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21805) - you deserved it (10362)

On 09/16/2011 at 5:38am - misc - by sweatstreaks - United Kingdom (Wiltshire)

Today, I found out that the engineers I work with believe that a woman with an engineering degree working in an engineering company is apparently equivalent to a "secretary for engineers." I am that woman. FML

#17734062
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30056) - you deserved it (3382)

On 09/13/2011 at 1:53am - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I thought my hamster might be lonely, so I went to the pet shop and bought a new one to keep him company. The new hamster killed the old one. FML

#17727112
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31209) - you deserved it (12883)

On 09/12/2011 at 9:52am - animals - by squeak (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that a tornado is not the same thing as a hurricane. I couldn't convince him, and he still won't talk to me. FML

#17726304
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24922) - you deserved it (3427)

On 09/12/2011 at 4:07am - misc - by facepalm - United Kingdom

Today, I was talking to my ex. After pouring my heart out to her, saying we were meant for each other, she looked at me and said, "Don't bother, I've already slept with your brother." FML

#17725319
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38017) - you deserved it (4787)

On 09/12/2011 at 12:53am - intimacy - by MTJY - United Kingdom

Today, I had to clean up after the kid that discovered he could finger paint with his poo. FML

#17720492
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33260) - you deserved it (2944)

On 09/11/2011 at 3:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Derbyshire)

Today, I wrote a fake phone number on my neck to make it look like someone had hit on me. FML

#17702973
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8941) - you deserved it (38452)

On 09/09/2011 at 8:10am - love - by Kevin (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I was driving my drunk mother home when my phone rang. It was my boyfriend, so I asked her to answer the call. My mother then questioned him on our sex life and was especially interested to know if we'd used handcuffs because I "like them." I have no recollection of ever telling her this. FML

#17702790
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29897) - you deserved it (4580)

On 09/09/2011 at 6:58am - intimacy - by psychicmother (woman) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I was walking down the street when a police officer started walking behind me with his dog. I sped up and tried to cross the road. He took this as suspicious and got the dog to take me to the floor. I've been afraid of dogs since I was 5. FML

#17702644
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33291) - you deserved it (4167)

On 09/09/2011 at 5:59am - animals - by D (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I bought a book by a #1 bestselling author, hoping it would distract me from having my manuscript rejected, as well as learn what made their book so successful. Now I realize I need to say stuff like, "I wish I had great boobs (hehe... boobs)" to get my works published. FML

#17696779
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24854) - you deserved it (3019)

On 09/08/2011 at 2:03pm - misc - by WishIWasAWriter (woman) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I was working alone in the office with my brother. He's run out of work to do, so has been singing Disney songs loudly and badly, throwing stationery at me, and just now snuck up on me from behind and wrapped duct tape round my face. It's just us in the office next week. FML

#17696149
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23596) - you deserved it (2659)

On 09/08/2011 at 11:41am - work - by whyarewerelated (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was giving a talk in class, when halfway through someone pointed out that my pubes were sticking out my trousers. FML

#17690152
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27518) - you deserved it (14003)

On 09/07/2011 at 6:14pm - work - by Sammylad - United Kingdom (London)

Today, after months of unemployment, my only social interaction was with my postman. FML

#17687802
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20840) - you deserved it (5150)

On 09/07/2011 at 11:08am - work - by HT BaaFly (man) - United Kingdom (South Ayrshire)



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