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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I was walking down the street, when a car started cruising alongside me. I looked over, annoyed, at which point the driver started screaming obscenities and telling me that I'm "gonna get it" for "betraying" him, before angrily speeding off. I'm too scared to even sleep now. FML

#19044019
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24025) - you deserved it (2504)

On 02/10/2012 at 9:14pm - misc - by Saw (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, I got into a fist-fight with a wasp, aka a Nazi helicopter. Despite swiping at it with ninja-like skills, I lost. FML

#19040540
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8765) - you deserved it (27447)

On 02/10/2012 at 9:13am - animals - by Stung (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by text at 1:30 am because he didn't want to give me "the dread of answering a phone call." When I asked him for an explanation, his reply was, "For what?" FML

#19039937
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25909) - you deserved it (2543)

On 02/10/2012 at 4:59am - love - by 1.30am (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, my social anxiety got so bad, I nearly had a panic attack when too many people joined my World of Warcraft party. FML

#19033739
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27943) - you deserved it (16714)

On 02/09/2012 at 11:42am - health - by SocialAnxietyNightmare (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I accidentally dropped a sculpture at college, and it broke. Some weirdo wearing a pink cape and a fake moustache bitched me out and told me not to be such an attention-seeking drama queen. FML

#19026244
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27249) - you deserved it (3323)

On 02/08/2012 at 12:55pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I bought my mother an apple pie. She made a face at it and said that she'd decided to go on a diet. After I'd left the house, she put it in the oven, forgot about it, and burnt it to a crisp. She then called me up to inform me that I'd wasted my money, and to get her "another damn pie." FML

#19024888
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25411) - you deserved it (1958)

On 02/08/2012 at 6:27am - misc - by 3.14 (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend openly mocked me, calling me an idiot for thinking seahorses are real. She insists that they're like unicorns, and only exist in fiction. FML

#19011478
362 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40383) - you deserved it (4566)

On 02/06/2012 at 4:52pm - animals - by BoringFucker (man) - United Kingdom (Lancashire)

Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that he should sing that song that goes 'I'm too sexy for my shirt' when we have sex. Now, every time that we have sex, that song is going to be stuck in my head. FML

#19005217
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9269) - you deserved it (38233)

On 02/05/2012 at 10:14pm - intimacy - by tkr (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I argued with my girlfriend over her constantly wasting our money on acupuncture. She said if I could prove it was baloney, she would stop. After I showed her copious amounts of scientific proof debunking it as pseudo-science, she told me we're "taking a break" from our relationship. FML

#18987480
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27012) - you deserved it (11440)

On 02/03/2012 at 9:48pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I came home from work and went into the bathroom. I saw a poo on the toilet lid, and thinking it was a trick toy that my son had got to trick me, I picked it up. It wasn't a toy. FML

#18983389
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21860) - you deserved it (24416)

On 02/03/2012 at 10:49am - kids - by AvengedSevenX - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, my dad killed my pet rats. They were playing on the sofa, and he thought they were vermin. This would have been understandable if the reason he came over wasn't to meet them, and they hadn't been wearing bright pink walking harnesses. FML

#18982285
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29990) - you deserved it (6986)

On 02/03/2012 at 3:12am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, I had to explain to my 18-year-old daughter why she can't pull a duck face pose for her driver's license. She still doesn't believe me. FML

#18982251
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32235) - you deserved it (4171)

On 02/03/2012 at 2:58am - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I reached a new low in my relationship: my boyfriend got so drunk I had to help him take a piss. FML

#18979126
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26894) - you deserved it (5882)

On 02/02/2012 at 8:02pm - love - by lillymean (woman) - United Kingdom (Southampton)



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