Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I had my girlfriend over at my parents for dinner. When we were done, my dad went around to collect all the dirty plates and stacked them on his arm. When he got to my girlfriend, the weight became too much and he and the plates fell on top of her. FML

#19176497
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29964) - you deserved it (2822)

On 02/27/2012 at 6:09pm - love - by anonymous - United Kingdom (Doncaster)

Today, after suffering with bad constipation and having to eat special bread to get me to go, I have practically just pooped out a week's worth of food in 15 minutes, and I'm still going. I've passed the ring of fire stage, now I just can't feel my asshole. FML

#19174199
279 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39051) - you deserved it (5658)

On 02/27/2012 at 10:55am - health - by awhmaaan - United Kingdom

Today, my granddad had to start sleeping in my bedroom. He has flashback dreams to when he was a boxer, and he's already lamped my granny three times in his sleep. I get a camp-bed, and the chance to listen to him snore like a wild boar. FML

#19152367
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20627) - you deserved it (2046)

On 02/24/2012 at 6:36am - misc - by Lovernotafighter (man) - United Kingdom

Today, we had our whole staff photo. We all had to stand up in rows in height order, as I'm tall I had to stand in the middle, at the back. I'm horribly claustrophobic and ended up fainting in front of 100 colleagues, taking down 4 people around me. FML

#19144680
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25644) - you deserved it (3450)

On 02/23/2012 at 7:11am - work - by photofaint - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I called the toaster a "cheeky thing" for being done before the kettle. FML

#19137014
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9791) - you deserved it (21868)

On 02/22/2012 at 2:56am - misc - by jenni6488 - United Kingdom (Gateshead)

Today, I discovered the hard way that all the scare stories I'd heard about rats getting into pipes and finding their way into your toilet are, in fact, true. FML

#19131403
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27743) - you deserved it (2224)

On 02/21/2012 at 2:17pm - misc - by TheHezzer - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, I noticed a flash car badly parking itself in a handicapped space. I hate the asshats who do this, so I went up to berate the driver. After an opening salvo of coarse language, a glint of light on his wheelchair in the back caught my eye. I then had to apologise for being a shitehawk. FML

#19129021
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6069) - you deserved it (40111)

On 02/21/2012 at 2:00am - misc - by Bellend (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I overheard my fourteen year old daughter talking on the phone. Apparently, as of last night, she and her best friend have their "official licenses in muff diving". FML

#19124149
381 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29944) - you deserved it (4466)

On 02/20/2012 at 4:19pm - intimacy - by Gavin - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, my family started their own version of the Hunger Games. With farts as their ammo, they've been tackling and gassing everyone until their victim "dies" by surrendering. My house is a flatulent war zone, and I fear waking up blind. FML

#19109077
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28232) - you deserved it (2750)

On 02/18/2012 at 5:22pm - health - by district12 (man) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, I went to an extended family reunion. I started chatting to my great grandpa, and he asked me what I do for a living. Before I could tell him I breed animals, my visibly drunk dad interrupted and slurred, "Oh, she jacks things off. Horses, pigs, just about anything, really." FML

#19102316
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30061) - you deserved it (3867)

On 02/17/2012 at 7:13pm - intimacy - by -_- (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, after breaking down in front of my therapist over some really sensitive issues, she decided to also break down. Not about my story but about her own life. I'm not being paid to comfort and console my therapist. FML

#19074382
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27011) - you deserved it (2740)

On 02/14/2012 at 2:16pm - health - by ryuken23 (man) - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, the only card I got for Valentine's Day was in my mother's handwriting, and she posted it through the front door herself. She still won't admit it's from her. FML

#19072071
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23833) - you deserved it (2629)

On 02/14/2012 at 6:56am - love - by ThanksMum (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, even though she can barely deal with raising kids, my 19-year-old sister announced her fourth pregnancy, by a fourth man, of yet another race. Why? Because she wants to "be like Angelina Jolie." I fear that social services may laugh at me if I tell them. FML

#19059341
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40719) - you deserved it (2998)

On 02/12/2012 at 7:18pm - kids - by amythest - United Kingdom (Belfast)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: