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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I put 7 kisses at the end of a text instead of 10. She said that our relationship was bound to fail if "I can't remember important things like that". FML

#17227486
285 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45287) - you deserved it (5621)

On 07/23/2011 at 7:00am - love - by Baconcook3000 (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, my girlfriend put a paper bag over my head while we had sex. Her reason? Because she thinks she is so good in bed she was worried I'd hyperventilate due to all the excitement. Instead I fainted due to lack of oxygen after three minutes. FML

#17215427
328 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38333) - you deserved it (9764)

On 07/22/2011 at 9:38am - intimacy - by quickfingers100 - United Kingdom

Today, I was helping a 7 year old student in my martial arts class with his kicks. My reward? A surprisingly powerful kick to the testicles. FML

#17214769
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26516) - you deserved it (6187)

On 07/22/2011 at 6:51am - kids - by TKDConnor92 (man) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)

Today, I saved a bird from being run over as it lay in the middle of the road. Thinking it had a broken wing or something, I started carrying it home, intending to take it to the vet later. It crapped in my hand and flew away. FML

#17177469
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27864) - you deserved it (8505)

On 07/19/2011 at 1:45pm - animals - by craphanded - United Kingdom (Wiltshire)

Today, an argument broke out between me, my girlfriend, and her sister. They were trying to convince me that not only were fairies real, but there were "scientific facts" that "prove" their existence. My girlfriend's 20 and her sister teaches primary school. FML

#17148663
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29912) - you deserved it (4155)

On 07/17/2011 at 12:01pm - misc - by Fairymyass (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, after 14 rice-filled days in China, I came back home. What's for lunch? Rice. FML

#17120359
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27387) - you deserved it (9024)

On 07/15/2011 at 9:51am - misc - by panos016 - United Kingdom

Today, my new neighbor informed me with great relish that the house I have just bought is haunted because 30 years ago a man shot himself in the kitchen. I'm now paying a huge mortgage on a house I'm frightened to be alone in. FML

#17104871
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22069) - you deserved it (8292)

On 07/14/2011 at 4:59am - misc - by Boo (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I finally had sex with the guy I've been flirting with for months. Immediately after he gave me the 'let's just be friends' speech then left for work, accidentally locking me in his apartment. I had to call his ex girlfriend to come let me out. She smirked. FML

#17080368
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32228) - you deserved it (12842)

On 07/12/2011 at 1:10pm - intimacy - by Anonanon (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, a business man in his forties tackled me to the ground in an attempt to take my seat on a crowded train. When that didn't work, he called me a fat bitch and gave me the finger. The seat was given up for me because I'm seven months pregnant. FML

#17017856
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55217) - you deserved it (3223)

On 07/07/2011 at 6:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was the designated driver. It was also my birthday party. FML

#16997989
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39132) - you deserved it (5018)

On 07/06/2011 at 7:06am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Rhondda Cynon Taff)

Today, my bedridden mother called me selfish. After an operation two weeks ago, all I've done is feed her, clean her and the house every day. She called me selfish because I couldn't lift a TV into her room. FML

#16977173
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31678) - you deserved it (2349)

On 07/04/2011 at 8:00pm - misc - by Ashleighx94 - United Kingdom

Today, my boss yelled at me for ruining the report she was supposed to write with my "terrible spelling and grammar". I've checked it thoroughly, and all of her 'corrections' are wrong. She doesn’t believe me, and is refusing to look at a dictionary. FML

#16907603
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33424) - you deserved it (2363)

On 06/29/2011 at 8:59am - work - by frustrated (woman) - United Kingdom (Oxfordshire)

Today, my mum told me that my sister's little kiddie swing wouldn't hold my weight. I told her she was being stupid, and went on anyway. A broken ankle and two pins in my elbow later, I'm willing to accept this. FML

#16905617
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8131) - you deserved it (55142)

On 06/29/2011 at 2:12am - health - by Anza (woman) - United Kingdom (Hampshire)



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