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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I found out that when I orgasm, my increased heart rate causes me to pass out. I also found out my boyfriend doesn't stop when I'm unconscious. FML

#15379416
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52820) - you deserved it (7773)

On 03/19/2011 at 6:32am - intimacy - by anonymous - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I went on a date, the first one I've been on since my last boyfriend broke up with me 6 months ago. We were in a restaurant, and at the end of meal he insisted on paying the bill. He wanted to leave a 15% tip but couldn't work out in his head how much to leave. The bill was for £100. FML

#15336709
346 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25589) - you deserved it (13606)

On 03/16/2011 at 1:20pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my new boyfriend was at my flat for the first time. He picked up something in the bathroom and said 'What the hell's this?'. I told him what it was for, and he said 'You girls and your weird female products. Who needs all this stuff?'. It wasn't a female thing. It was shampoo. FML

#15311271
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33839) - you deserved it (4151)

On 03/14/2011 at 7:45pm - misc - by cleangirl (woman) - United Kingdom (Fife)

Today, I found out the reason my boyfriend dumped me was because his parents don't like the fact that I go to a prestigious university. However, they're completely accepting of the drunken slob who's dating their daughter. FML

#15294376
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33132) - you deserved it (3255)

On 03/13/2011 at 3:17pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Sheffield)

Today, my friend convinced me that a staple gun doesn't work on skin. I decided to put this new piece of information to the test. FML

#15239631
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8034) - you deserved it (89780)

On 03/08/2011 at 10:50am - misc - by ouch (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I threw up when I woke up, feeling quite ill, I told my mum. She instantly thought I was pregnant. I'm still a virgin and she doesn't believe me. FML

#15229346
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32399) - you deserved it (3113)

On 03/07/2011 at 1:17pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Stoke-on-Trent)

Today, before setting off on my train journey I checked my booking. The (non-refundable) return date was a week later than I intended, and after buying a new ticket online, I was informed that I would be able to collect it in 2 hours. I leave in an hour. I'll have to pay three times to come home. FML

#15225098
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19743) - you deserved it (11361)

On 03/07/2011 at 12:38am - money - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered that my Facebook profile picture, of me between my boyfriend and a friend, is actually me between my boyfriend and the girl he has been cheating on me with. FML

#15220903
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49315) - you deserved it (3822)

On 03/06/2011 at 7:27pm - intimacy - by ocean555 (woman) - United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne)

Today, I was getting ready for a date when I noticed a spot on my chin. To get rid of it, I applied my sister's spot cream rather than picking it off. Within minutes, my entire chin looked like a swollen tomato. FML

#15187189
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25769) - you deserved it (6515)

On 03/03/2011 at 4:18pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Southampton)

Today, it's my birthday. My parents, whom I live with, told me that they did not get me anything, but instead they said they would knock off a bit of the housekeeping I owe them. FML

#15185278
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24021) - you deserved it (7566)

On 03/03/2011 at 9:21am - money - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was informed that due to my cat being aggressive and attacking the postman several times, my mail would no longer be delivered to my address. I don't own a cat. FML

#15160394
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35352) - you deserved it (2378)

On 03/01/2011 at 5:41am - animals - by notacatperson (woman) - United Kingdom (Plymouth)

Today, I woke up after a night out drinking on my sofa, with an electric dog collar around my neck and handcuffs on my wrists. The keys were on the other side of the invisible doggy fence. FML

#15154591
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13443) - you deserved it (34790)

On 02/28/2011 at 8:10pm - health - by stupiddrunk (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, after disappearing for an unusually long period of time, my boss called the store phone while sitting on the toilet. Turns out she'd started bleeding uncontrollably from the arse, and as the only other female staff member, she needed me to go help her. FML

#15151790
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31513) - you deserved it (3115)

On 02/28/2011 at 1:29pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Bristol)



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