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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, my 20 year old daughter started ranting to me about her latest boyfriend's erectile problems. Trying to be a good dad, I told her all I knew about how to get the boy fixed. My wife decided to stick her head in and say, "Listen to your dad, hun. He knows all about this kind of thing." FML

#17897207
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31947) - you deserved it (5069)

On 10/03/2011 at 5:41pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky. She got my cock out, stopped, and told me it looked like "Rufus the naked mole rat." She spent the next 20 minutes showing me pictures, describing in detail why they looked similar, and laughing. FML

#17889582
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35194) - you deserved it (4436)

On 10/02/2011 at 6:57pm - intimacy - by rufusthepenis - United Kingdom (Lincolnshire)

Today, at work, my boss went to the single-stall bathroom on our floor. The next thing I know, I'm on suspension pending review because some asshole left an upper-decker in the toilet. Since I'm the office prankster, all suspicion is now on me. I've been framed by my own colleagues. FML

#17888360
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19857) - you deserved it (13635)

On 10/02/2011 at 4:35pm - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, I was confronted by my father after I got back home from a party in the early hours. He demanded to know if I'd been doing any drugs, and then decided to give me a scare lecture on the dangers of alcohol. I'd had a few beers. He had the smell of tequila on his breath. FML

#17874555
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22540) - you deserved it (4461)

On 09/30/2011 at 10:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my violent housemate qualified for a gun license. She picks up her bolt-action rifle on Wednesday. FML

#17863556
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26158) - you deserved it (2700)

On 09/29/2011 at 1:36pm - misc - by Help. (woman) - United Kingdom (Kingston upon Hull)

Today, after being in the UK for 2 months, I learned that when saying, "I'm about to blow off and kill someone", to the British "blow off" means "fart." This was pointed out to me in an open-space office after a particularly loud rant. FML

#17861769
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9989) - you deserved it (21882)

On 09/29/2011 at 4:04am - work - by AngerManagement - United Kingdom

Today, my co-workers agreed that I was the one causing the elevator to be over its weight limit. When I protested, saying that I only weigh around 150 pounds, one asked me if that included the weight of my wheelchair. They made me get out. FML

#17861695
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41134) - you deserved it (2884)

On 09/29/2011 at 3:34am - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, it's my birthday. My girlfriend gave me a Paul Frank t-shirt. It says "I'm single." FML

#17839190
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31399) - you deserved it (2583)

On 09/26/2011 at 1:06pm - love - by happybirthday (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was trying to be sexy and rub my boyfriend's un-aroused package while we were watching a movie. I couldn't find it. FML

#17838831
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37505) - you deserved it (7040)

On 09/26/2011 at 11:35am - intimacy - by Oops (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, out of my bedroom window, I can see my next door neighbour's window. On his ledge, I can see binoculars, tissues and vaseline. FML

#17818557
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43176) - you deserved it (4383)

On 09/24/2011 at 3:22am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I had my car valeted at my hotel. The manager came out, took my keys, and said the car would be waiting for me in an hour. I was then forced to watch from the lobby as the "manager" sped off downtown. FML

#17812244
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24768) - you deserved it (5734)

On 09/23/2011 at 9:48am - misc - by hatty - United Kingdom (East Lothian)

Today, I was introducing my American cousin to the peaceful English village I live in. Just as I was reassuring her that the people were very friendly and welcoming, a car drove past and pelted us with eggs. FML

#17811386
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23213) - you deserved it (2769)

On 09/23/2011 at 4:31am - misc - by egghead - United Kingdom

Today, a fly got stuck up my nose while I was giving a speech. FML



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