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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, my husband and I are celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary. It's also the 5th anniversary of the last time he made me orgasm. FML

#14729815
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31923) - you deserved it (6547)

On 01/27/2011 at 8:07am - intimacy - by ohdear (woman) - United Kingdom (Bury)

Today, I was out with my boyfriend, and I had an epileptic fit. He had never seen me have one, and it freaked him out. He rang me later to dump me, as he didn't want to go out with someone who acted like a 'spaz' in public. FML

Today, at work, whilst on hold to an important client, I said to my co-workers "F*cking hell, this woman sounds high as a kite". I heard a cough on the other end of the phone. All calls are recorded. FML

#14729337
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5944) - you deserved it (34744)

On 01/27/2011 at 6:20am - work - by GHTD (man) - United Kingdom (Solihull)

Today, my husband has been painting our house all weekend and plans to finish the job after work today. I decided to surprise him by completing the job myself. Painting the last window frame, I dropped the open tin of white paint, right onto our car roof. FML

#14696653
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20505) - you deserved it (9432)

On 01/24/2011 at 9:43am - misc - by Llaurin (woman) - United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset)

Today, my dentist pulled a pubic hair out of my braces. FML

#14672798
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17538) - you deserved it (49278)

On 01/22/2011 at 11:04am - intimacy - by mortified (woman) - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, whilst having sex, my husband screamed out a man's name. FML

#14671725
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50120) - you deserved it (4605)

On 01/22/2011 at 8:00am - intimacy - by fmlalways - United Kingdom (Derbyshire)

Today, when taking a group picture with my closest friends, a passing parent congratulated us on getting into the same university for next year. She's wrong. They're all going to Cambridge, except for me. I was rejected. FML

#14664418
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28247) - you deserved it (5340)

On 01/21/2011 at 6:02pm - misc - by reject - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)

Today, I called my ex boyfriend to tell him that not only am I still in love with him, I'm also three months pregnant with his child. Upon hearing the news, he swore, called me a pathetic liar, swore some more, and hung up on me. FML

#14651600
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31762) - you deserved it (14021)

On 01/20/2011 at 4:37pm - love - by Bethany (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my friends were acting strange around me. This afternoon, I got a text asking me to meet them out for a couple of drinks. Because of all the strange acting, I decided to tell them I'd go and then not go. I just found out they had been planning me a surprise party. FML

#14627617
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7537) - you deserved it (45560)

On 01/18/2011 at 3:53pm - misc - by slondons (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I finished working a week's overtime managing admin, stock, finances, and three members of staff. I realised that despite all my extra work, I actually earn less per hour than the students who only work on the weekends. FML

#14600625
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20738) - you deserved it (2326)

On 01/16/2011 at 12:30pm - work - by ovawerkrd - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I bleached my hair. Not only did it fry, it also has a very noticeable green tint and because of the damage, I can't dye it again for a while. Now I keep getting asked "Why so serious?" by my friends. FML

#14600579
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9679) - you deserved it (28195)

On 01/16/2011 at 12:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Torbay)

Today, I was at my girlfriends house. After having sex, we went downstairs to where the rest of the family was. At this point I did not realise that I had a used condom stuck to my foot. The family did. FML

#14586619
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11387) - you deserved it (35006)

On 01/15/2011 at 5:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I came home, turned on my laptop, and turned the TV on mute so I could check my email. My mom came home an hour later, took a look at me on the couch, then the TV, and asked what on earth I was watching. I looked up from my laptop and realized it was porn. FML

#14580215
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15599) - you deserved it (27587)

On 01/14/2011 at 6:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Devon)



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