FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I walked downstairs with a couple of bags full of stuff, in preparation for a sleepover at my friend's house. My nine-year-old cousin looked at me and said, "Where're you going? Fat camp?" FML

by Char / 09/09/2012 at 1:02pm / United Kingdom (Falkirk) / Health

Today, my fiancé told me that the thought of having sex with a pregnant woman repulsed him. I'm pregnant. He's glad he got that off his chest FML

by thankshun13 / 09/06/2012 at 10:45pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex. I've been secretly taking Welsh lessons as a surprise for him, so when I was getting close, I whispered the Welsh for "Don't stop." He pulled out and accused me of cheating on him with his best friend. He won't believe anything else. FML

by gingerbetty / 09/04/2012 at 3:54am / United Kingdom (Swansea) / Intimacy

Today, everyone at work asked about the awful, twisted wound on my hand. I was too embarrassed to admit to having torn my skin apart with a pair of tweezers while trying to remove a splinter. FML

by frustrated / 09/03/2012 at 4:20pm / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Health

Today, I was playing some CoD online, when I realised I'd started humming an annoyingly catchy Bieber tune. Before I could come to my senses and pull out my mic, a bunch of my teammates started sarcastically singing along. FML

by bieberyoulittleSHIT / 08/31/2012 at 3:20pm / United Kingdom (York) / Geek

Today, my swimming coach made us swim fifty laps non-stop as punishment for his previous class being unable to swim a drill properly. They're 8-11 year olds who are still learning to swim. I feel like my arms and legs are filled with lead. FML

by blue / 08/25/2012 at 5:59pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Health

Today, while on the bus, a small child asked me if I was having a baby, and I replied "Yes." I'm not. I was just too ashamed to admit I was fat. FML

by Anonymous / 08/25/2012 at 11:48am / United Kingdom (Northamptonshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, a thirty-something guy swaggered into my workplace. He was wearing shutter shades and torn jeans, and claimed to be our new boss. I called security to throw him out, at which point he produced his ID and let me know I'd be attending an employee review session next week. FML

by Anonymous / 08/24/2012 at 8:20pm / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Work

Today, a baseball bat fell on my head while my boyfriend and I were cuddling. The same baseball bat that he keeps next to the bed, because he genuinely fears a zombie outbreak. FML

by Anonymous / 08/24/2012 at 5:10pm / United Kingdom (Walsall) / Health

Today, my dog was diagnosed with depression. I got him to help with my depression. I guess we can just be miserable together. FML

by alix / 08/24/2012 at 11:45am / United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire) / Animals

Today, I had to shave my feet in order to wear ballet flats. I'm not a hobbit. FML

by fet / 08/23/2012 at 10:30am / United Kingdom (Bristol, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, I met a girl I used to make fun of in high school. She was taking my fingerprints after I was arrested. FML

by TheBeautifulOne / 08/23/2012 at 9:42am / United Kingdom (South Ayrshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered that it's an hour and 45 minutes quicker to get the bus to work, rather than the train. I've worked there for six years. FML

by ihatemondays / 08/23/2012 at 2:15am / United Kingdom / Work