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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I had a very long, complicated talk with my girlfriend. Apparently, since she isn't religious, she doesn't have to give anyone Christmas presents, and yet expects everyone to give her some. She then told me what I should get her. FML

#18289031
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36666) - you deserved it (4867)

On 11/19/2011 at 12:50pm - misc - by John (man) - United Kingdom (Cornwall)

Today, I was cleaning mouse remains from the kitchen floor, left by my cat. I found a small round thing nearby. With no idea what it was, I picked it up and gave it a little squeeze to see if it was solid. It wasn't, and burst with great force onto my face. I'm pretty sure it was an eye. FML

#18254256
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27097) - you deserved it (15879)

On 11/15/2011 at 9:38am - animals - by yuck - United Kingdom (Bolton)

Today, my young son wanted to rent some movie with talking animals in it for us to watch together. I couldn't say no, but talking animal movies freak me out big time, I either start to cry or feel nauseous. Especially ones with dogs. What is wrong with me? FML

#18217794
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27512) - you deserved it (7844)

On 11/11/2011 at 10:37am - animals - by Pk45 (man) - United Kingdom (Swansea)

Today, I sat on the toilet and fell off as the broken toilet seat slid off. As I fell, I grabbed the light cord in an effort to stop myself, and pulled it out of the ceiling. Now I can't use the toilet, and have to shower in the dark. FML

#18208343
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23210) - you deserved it (5462)

On 11/10/2011 at 6:16am - misc - by Sack - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking down the road when a twat on a quad-bike smashed into my leg. It seems that I should've been "walking on the right side of the pavement." FML

#18199894
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22511) - you deserved it (3415)

On 11/09/2011 at 5:57am - misc - by LukeyBoy - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, my baby son latched onto my nipple for a feed, after a month of having to be bottle fed because he wouldn't latch. This would be fantastic, if it weren't for the fact that I'm his father, not his mother. FML

#18191670
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39288) - you deserved it (3873)

On 11/08/2011 at 9:01am - kids - by possiblyoverweight (man) - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to have sex with a piece of fruit. FML

#18190231
328 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44038) - you deserved it (7953)

On 11/08/2011 at 1:11am - intimacy - by lunarstrain - United Kingdom (London)

Today, the motorway I usually use was closed off due to a major car accident. With no way off the freeway, my trip took three times longer than usual. I lost control of my bladder mid-way. FML

#18175852
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26454) - you deserved it (5262)

On 11/06/2011 at 4:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my father met my boyfriend for the first time at dinner. The only thing he said to him the whole evening was, "Are you circumcised?" FML

#18164044
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32523) - you deserved it (3060)

On 11/05/2011 at 11:59am - misc - by shamed - United Kingdom

Today, I learned if you dream you're having a piss, you most likely are having a piss. FML

#18163240
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41722) - you deserved it (5561)

On 11/05/2011 at 9:43am - health - by rj93 - United Kingdom (Ballymena)

Today, it was my first time taking blood on the ward. The doctor saw that I was nervous and gave me a violent old man with schizophrenia who thought I was there to kill him. FML

Today, I have my first university lecture on lab safety. Having gone out the night before with my house-mates, I have the worst hangover of my life, and have to listen for an hour and a half while they loudly demonstrate the types of alarms we'll hear in different kinds of emergencies. FML

#18138100
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13078) - you deserved it (48238)

On 11/02/2011 at 12:39pm - misc - by ...loud noises...urgh... (woman) - United Kingdom (York)

Today, I came home from school, only to find I was locked out. The cars were all there, but no one was in. It wasn't until I heard continuous banging from my parents' window that it clicked. They locked me out for over an hour in freezing weather just to have sex. FML

#18138083
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38287) - you deserved it (4171)

On 11/02/2011 at 12:37pm - intimacy - by miley098 - United Kingdom (London)



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