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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house and we were just about to kiss. Until his mum walked in saying his girlfriend was at the door. I thought I was already there. FML

#15651710
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48286) - you deserved it (4870)

On 04/05/2011 at 2:48pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, I was excited about being set up on a blind date by one of my new co-workers. It turns out the guy she thought would be a "totally perfect match" for me is the ex who cheated on me. FML

#15632793
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34058) - you deserved it (3147)

On 04/04/2011 at 6:15am - love - by lonely (woman) - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, Amazon didn't deliver the present I bought my mother for Mothering Sunday, so she called me an 'Ungrateful bastard.' And about half an hour ago, I cut my thumb whilst making her lunch. She said, 'You're doing this on purpose so I feel sorry for you. Well I don't.' FML

#15618704
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34980) - you deserved it (3270)

On 04/03/2011 at 9:32am - misc - by Trainspotting - United Kingdom (Staffordshire)

Today, my boyfriend pulled on my pubes and made 'engine starting' noises. This was his attempt at foreplay. FML

#15617936
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36234) - you deserved it (14043)

On 04/03/2011 at 7:27am - intimacy - by dahs - United Kingdom (Derbyshire)

Today, I caught my boyfriend secretly using my hair straightener while I was in the other room. Too embarrassed to talk to him about it, I left and came back later, only to discover him slipping on a pair of my panties. FML

#15588696
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46096) - you deserved it (7502)

On 04/01/2011 at 11:55am - misc - by WTF? - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I managed to stab myself with a knife while trying to open something without a can opener. After getting stitches and returning back home, I went to make a cup of coffee. I found the can opener in the cutlery drawer. FML

#15576285
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15830) - you deserved it (24764)

On 03/31/2011 at 3:18pm - misc - by nicky (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, my friends sat me down and said they were concerned I was self-harming. I don't self-harm, I'm just a massive klutz. They don't believe me, and want me to get professional help. And now, because I found it all so funny, they think I'm mentally unhinged. FML

#15560826
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28786) - you deserved it (4225)

On 03/30/2011 at 1:28pm - misc - by Alisha (woman) - United Kingdom (Stirling)

Today, I heard the four most dreaded words known to man during my first time: "Is it in yet?" It was. FML

#15546300
420 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69953) - you deserved it (9646)

On 03/29/2011 at 1:26pm - intimacy - by Johntheladdo (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my three housemates got into a huge fight and ended up declaring their undying hatred for each other. They now refuse to talk to each other, and I've become their go-between. Yesterday, we signed the lease for another year in the house together. FML

#15528059
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28629) - you deserved it (3846)

On 03/28/2011 at 7:52am - misc - by screwedhousemate (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I joked with my dad, saying I'd gotten my boyfriend pregnant. In response, he slapped me, threw my phone across the room, smashed my laptop, and then took a moment for what I'd said to sink in. FML

#15514877
354 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42014) - you deserved it (28655)

On 03/27/2011 at 2:09pm - misc - by rowie1311 (woman) - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, my family came back from holiday to discover that my little sister had messed with the cat flap before we left. Several stray cats were able to come in, but were unable to get out, and left shit in various areas around the house. FML

#15500028
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27464) - you deserved it (3785)

On 03/26/2011 at 3:27pm - animals - by cathouse (woman) - United Kingdom (North Down)

Today, I wasn't allowed to work from home, despite being ill enough to just take the day off anyway, so 'there could be someone to answer the phone'. The phone didn't ring once all day. FML

#15421054
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23164) - you deserved it (2515)

On 03/21/2011 at 9:03pm - work - by letmeinplease - United Kingdom

TODAY, I PRESSED CAPS LOCK ON MY LAPTOP AND THE KEY GOT STUCK. NOW ALL OF MY LETTERS ARE IN CAPITAL LETTERS. I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING. FML

#15415559
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37163) - you deserved it (31502)

On 03/21/2011 at 1:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Wiltshire)



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