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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I was putting red nail polish on my nails and put a newspaper on the table to make sure that it didn't spill. I later discovered the nail polish made the newspaper stick to the table. I scrubbed nail polish remover on it, thinking it would help but instead bleached the table. FML

#15841509
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11583) - you deserved it (35722)

On 04/18/2011 at 11:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I thought it would be funny to tickle my daughter's foot, which she hates. One bloody nose, multiple scratches and 4 toe-shaped bruises later, she's the one laughing. FML

#15831633
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10334) - you deserved it (52244)

On 04/18/2011 at 4:09am - kids - by B (man) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, after watching over my drunken mother all last night to make sure she didn't choke on her own vomit, I came to the conclusion that at the age of 53, she's more of a party animal than I ever will be. I'm a 22 year old man. FML

#15799533
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26869) - you deserved it (4839)

On 04/15/2011 at 8:52pm - misc - by ForeverAlone (man) - United Kingdom (Staffordshire)

Today, I saw a spider crawling across a poster in my bedroom, so I smacked the spot below it to scare the spider into climbing back up the wall. Instead, because the poster wasn't completely flat to the wall, I catapulted the spider straight into my face. FML

#15793137
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17554) - you deserved it (27902)

On 04/15/2011 at 7:47am - animals - by spiderwoman (woman) - United Kingdom (East Sussex)

Today, my husband of 30 years told me that he thought we should 'just be friends'. FML

#15793085
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59946) - you deserved it (4322)

On 04/15/2011 at 7:38am - love - by ZaraAce (woman) - United Kingdom (Bedfordshire)

Today, I bumped into an old school friend. I'd heard she was pregnant so the first thing I did was congratulate her. Not only was she not pregnant, but the reason she managed to get so fat was because of comfort eating due to her miscarriage last month. FML

#15775724
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38172) - you deserved it (6614)

On 04/13/2011 at 9:06pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I've been on the same train for two hours at a standstill due to "signal problems". We can't get off because it's "unsafe". I'm on my way home from work and I can see my house through the window. FML

#15741918
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41591) - you deserved it (2893)

On 04/11/2011 at 4:07pm - misc - by bananaman - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my phone wasn't working properly. After sending out 40 texts and getting no replies, I decided to test my phone by sending it a text from my old phone. The text came through straight away. Turns out my phone's working perfectly and 40 people are just ignoring me. FML

#15737058
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34027) - you deserved it (11018)

On 04/11/2011 at 5:39am - misc - by Ignored (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was reading a blog post by a girl that I really like. In the post, it said, "I know I'm not beautiful." I told her that I thought it wasn't true at all. She responded by crying hysterically and asking me why I would say that. It turned out that it actually said, "I know I'm beautiful." FML

#15714143
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21217) - you deserved it (28542)

On 04/09/2011 at 8:24pm - love - by Arran (man) - United Kingdom (Stoke-on-Trent)

Today, my dad decided to have a little father and daughter bonding time. Unfortunately, his idea of bonding involves him sitting around at home, getting piss drunk, and falling asleep. FML

#15712645
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27056) - you deserved it (2664)

On 04/09/2011 at 6:29pm - misc - by Z (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, my grandma got up at 6:30am, clattered about the bathroom then sang religious songs at the top of her voice for half an hour. Apparently this is her normal routine, weekends included. She is staying with us for a month. FML

#15705276
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28747) - you deserved it (3303)

On 04/09/2011 at 4:21am - misc - by Riley (woman) - United Kingdom (Bedfordshire)

Today, my husband told me that he can't find his passport. We're supposed to be leaving for Prague in two days. He's known about the trip for months. It was the anniversary vacation that was going to help our frayed relationship. Now my money is going to a hotel in Prague, but I'm not. FML

#15691728
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26342) - you deserved it (3810)

On 04/08/2011 at 7:07am - misc - by stuckhome (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, a guy who annoys me walked over. To avoid speaking to him, I pretended to be on the phone and he walked away. A few moments later, my phone rang. I looked around to see if he'd seen me. He had. He was the one ringing me from down the hall. FML

#15678206
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9521) - you deserved it (35079)

On 04/07/2011 at 9:28am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)



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