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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I went into hospital and was being treated by a really cute doctor. Not knowing that I was going to end up here, I put on novelty underwear this morning. Well, at least he found the little green glow-in-the-dark skulls amusing. FML

#18402920
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22926) - you deserved it (5478)

On 12/01/2011 at 12:09pm - misc - by Hot Pants (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, in a store, an obnoxious woman, swearing loudly and slapping at her out-of-control kids, was disrupting the whole place. I said to the cashier, "That nasty woman should leave the brats at home." She gave me a filthy look and said "Do you mind? That's my sister." FML

#18392914
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31090) - you deserved it (18304)

On 11/30/2011 at 9:15am - misc - by oops - United Kingdom

Today, my dad announced to the whole family that we will be having a vegetarian dinner this Christmas to make my step-mum happy. FML

#18392103
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31571) - you deserved it (5086)

On 11/30/2011 at 4:27am - misc - by BFH4Life (woman) - United Kingdom (Plymouth)

Today, a guy lost control of his umbrella in the wind, which then hit me in the eye, making me bleed. He screamed at me for trying to steal his umbrella. People laughed. FML

#18386574
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32249) - you deserved it (1899)

On 11/29/2011 at 6:59pm - misc - by anon - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my neighbours kicked my football back over the fence. They'd slashed it and taped a note to the remains that said, "Do it again and it'll be your face." Now I'm scared to play football in my own backyard. FML

#18350483
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27784) - you deserved it (3665)

On 11/25/2011 at 8:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my parents have a list of everything I have ever Googled. FML

#18346585
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37144) - you deserved it (7623)

On 11/25/2011 at 12:17pm - misc - by 14YearOld (man) - United Kingdom (South Ayrshire)

Today, I was walking to the kitchen in the dark. Something caught my eye and I turned to see a man standing in the corner, clear as day. I jumped and closed my eyes for a split second. When I opened them, he was nowhere to be seen. I'm now terrified to live in my own home. FML

#18338481
494 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48655) - you deserved it (4556)

On 11/24/2011 at 3:30pm - misc - by haunted (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I tried to buy a bottle of wine from the supermarket. The scrawny, acne-ridden kid at the checkout asked to see my ID. I didn't have any on me, since I'm 37 years old and didn't expect to be asked stupid questions. I complained to his manager, only to be asked to leave. FML

#18338380
380 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13209) - you deserved it (49522)

On 11/24/2011 at 3:19pm - misc - by Andrew - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I got trapped in an elevator with a chicken. FML

#18334722
258 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30274) - you deserved it (3910)

On 11/24/2011 at 5:35am - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I managed to convince a girl to come back to my place for a bit of fun. Unfortunately, I was wearing cheap new black underwear, and some of its fibers had stuck themselves to my knob, making it look like a weird fleshy caterpillar. I didn't get lucky. FML

#18326133
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27900) - you deserved it (19421)

On 11/23/2011 at 11:48am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I had a very long, complicated talk with my girlfriend. Apparently, since she isn't religious, she doesn't have to give anyone Christmas presents, and yet expects everyone to give her some. She then told me what I should get her. FML

#18289031
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36227) - you deserved it (4824)

On 11/19/2011 at 12:50pm - misc - by John (man) - United Kingdom (Cornwall)

Today, I was cleaning mouse remains from the kitchen floor, left by my cat. I found a small round thing nearby. With no idea what it was, I picked it up and gave it a little squeeze to see if it was solid. It wasn't, and burst with great force onto my face. I'm pretty sure it was an eye. FML

#18254256
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27097) - you deserved it (15878)

On 11/15/2011 at 9:38am - animals - by yuck - United Kingdom (Bolton)

Today, my young son wanted to rent some movie with talking animals in it for us to watch together. I couldn't say no, but talking animal movies freak me out big time, I either start to cry or feel nauseous. Especially ones with dogs. What is wrong with me? FML

#18217794
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27170) - you deserved it (7783)

On 11/11/2011 at 10:37am - animals - by Pk45 (man) - United Kingdom (Swansea)



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