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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I had to explain very slowly to my mum why she cannot put metal cutlery in the microwave. She did it anyway. FML

#16354209
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30789) - you deserved it (2656)

On 05/26/2011 at 5:48am - misc - by smarterthanmymum - United Kingdom

Today, my mom asked if I was seeing anyone. I launched into a description of my girlfriend, only for her to interrupt, saying that she meant a therapist, and the fact that I'd just made up a relationship was further proof that I needed one. I really do have a girlfriend. FML

#16353801
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39017) - you deserved it (3399)

On 05/26/2011 at 3:53am - love - by lovingpsychosis - United Kingdom (Aberdeen City)

Today, it was my birthday. Some 17 year olds will receive cars as presents from their parents. Mine, however, booked me a plot in the local graveyard. FML

#16342840
310 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44795) - you deserved it (4745)

On 05/25/2011 at 1:44pm - misc - by Brilliant... (woman) - United Kingdom (West Sussex)

Today, my dad came to my graduate art show wearing a t-shirt saying "My other daughter is a science major". He'd had it specially made. FML

#16341041
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38932) - you deserved it (6921)

On 05/25/2011 at 10:06am - misc - by art_major (woman) - United Kingdom (Sheffield)

Today, I refused to let two students into class because they were 15 minutes late. It turns out they were late because they had gone to buy me a birthday cake. FML

Today, I contacted my biological father, after not speaking to him for some years, as we had a very strained relationship. I received an automated response. It's probably the best conversation we have ever had. FML

#16328382
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26542) - you deserved it (3100)

On 05/24/2011 at 2:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I went back to the key cutter for the second time because apartment key I gave to my boyfriend didn't work. The man cut me another key and apologised profusely. When I got home and tried the key, it didn't work. I realised I'd asked him to copy the wrong key. Twice. FML

#16313970
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7413) - you deserved it (38221)

On 05/23/2011 at 3:14pm - misc - by M (woman) - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time only to realise she squeals like a baby pig in the process. FML

#16313675
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35847) - you deserved it (8593)

On 05/23/2011 at 2:46pm - intimacy - by Jon - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, after eighteen years of living with my adoptive parents, I met my biological mum for the first time. She's a forty year old, 300lb American woman who wears 'Twilight' t-shirts and will be spending the rest of her visit to the UK trying to find Robert Pattinson. She says I remind her of herself. FML

#16301651
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50760) - you deserved it (3945)

On 05/22/2011 at 7:09pm - kids - by Adoptee (woman) - United Kingdom (Leicestershire)

Today, my Dad married his fiancée, who insists I call her "mom". I'm three years older than her, and went to the same high school. She's taking me shopping next week to buy me something "nice". FML

#16293589
297 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73888) - you deserved it (3821)

On 05/22/2011 at 5:31am - misc - by quickfingers100 - United Kingdom

Today, I went out with my best friend and her hot brother. Upon our exit out of the restaurant I walked right into the glass door and rebounded back off it. The whole restaurant was silent as I shamefully walked out only to trip on the curb outside. FML

#16278743
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33846) - you deserved it (7159)

On 05/21/2011 at 10:18am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up needing to wee. I was at my boyfriend's and didn't want to wake him, so I sat on the edge of the toilet and peed as quietly as possible. I realised after that I'd sat too far over and had peed on the floor. There was no loo paper. FML

#16267774
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11476) - you deserved it (37468)

On 05/20/2011 at 3:05pm - misc - by lionhead14 (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my sister and I both got "good luck" cards from our aunt wishing us well on our exams. My sister's said "We know you will do well". Mine said "We will love you no matter what happens". FML

#16173982
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35564) - you deserved it (4579)

On 05/14/2011 at 4:09pm - misc - by simonjudy (man) - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)



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