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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I got called into the school by my daughter's teacher. Apparently my daughter informed her class that over the weekend she spent her time with her daddy watching porn stars while her mummy was at work. It took a long time to convince her they were actually watching a TV show called "Pawn Stars". FML

#21467707
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26555) - you deserved it (1758)

On 09/12/2015 at 5:34pm - kids - by auraya1985 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend convinced me to face my fear of horror movies by promising to hold my hand through the entire flick. He fell asleep 10 minutes into it, farting and snoring in his sleep, whilst I was paralysed by fear. FML

#21467692
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22503) - you deserved it (3454)

On 09/12/2015 at 4:50pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I found out that my girlfriend sleepwalks. Well, I say sleepwalks, more like sleep punches. Very, very hard. FML

#21467618
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22128) - you deserved it (1743)

On 09/12/2015 at 12:16pm - health - by RightInTheFace (man) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, I rode my new bike for the first time. I made it less than 100 feet from my driveway before I was almost flattened by someone driving on the wrong side of the road. Upside: I managed to get out of the way. Downside: I did it by slamming my brand new, expensive bike into a wall. FML

#21467409
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22971) - you deserved it (1709)

On 09/11/2015 at 7:50pm - misc - by Banana_Lord (woman) - United Kingdom (Angus)

Today, after carefully, and might I say, expertly removing all the hair from my girlfriend's genitals, she decided to try and "Nair" my balls. 24 hours later and I still can't walk properly and my balls look like they were involved in a severe kitchen incident. FML

#21466376
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22151) - you deserved it (4843)

On 09/09/2015 at 1:09am - health - by davetherave1983 (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, my ex-fiancée's new boyfriend phoned me to ask what her ring size is. FML

#21465162
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26247) - you deserved it (1680)

On 09/06/2015 at 8:50am - love - by Anon - United Kingdom (Staffordshire)

Today, while using a portable restroom at the park, I discovered all too late that some very hostile and territorial hornets had made it their home. FML

#21464787
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23906) - you deserved it (1649)

On 09/05/2015 at 4:39am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my dad made me and my boyfriend break up. Not because he was a bad influence, but because I was. FML

#21464255
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22533) - you deserved it (6981)

On 09/03/2015 at 7:31pm - love - by bestgirlfriend (woman) - United Kingdom (Stockton-on-Tees)

Today, after the doctor poking around my urethra and vagina at a lump, she turns to me and says, "I'm going to be honest, I have no idea what that is. Have some antibiotics and we'll see how it goes in two weeks." Excuse me while I go panic in a corner. FML

#21463826
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23462) - you deserved it (1500)

On 09/02/2015 at 5:10pm - health - by freakingout (woman) - United Kingdom (Coventry)

Today, I was diagnosed with depression. My girlfriend's idea of consoling me was to break up with me because she can't date a "psycho". FML

#21463683
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26033) - you deserved it (1907)

On 09/02/2015 at 9:29am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, some friends got upset with me as I wouldn't leave work early and cycle 12 miles to meet them to fix their punctures because they had no spare tubes or repair kits. The same friends that always mock me for being so prepared on bike rides. FML

#21463642
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23298) - you deserved it (1600)

On 09/02/2015 at 5:20am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (West Sussex)

Today, I saw my ex for the first time since we broke up. We were on a train next to each other for 6 hours, to a festival where our tents were pitched next to each other. We're here for 5 days. FML

#21462968
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24943) - you deserved it (2259)

On 08/31/2015 at 12:27pm - misc - by NoFunForMe - United Kingdom (Bristol, City of)

Today, I thought the girl I was seeing was going to tell me that she loved me. Instead, she told me how she sucked some other guy's dick. FML

#21462923
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28951) - you deserved it (2315)

On 08/31/2015 at 9:16am - intimacy - by FuckThis (man) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)



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