FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, my roommate came home after a night of heavy drinking and started urinating on my bed. When I confronted him, he just slurred, "Sorry, thought it was my bed." FML

by Anonymousse / 11/13/2015 at 7:34am / United Kingdom (Rhondda Cynon Taff) / Miscellaneous

Today, I yawned so hard that I dislocated my jaw completely, then had to ask to be excused from class in front of 30 people with my mouth hanging open. FML

by 4lphab3t4 / 11/12/2015 at 8:11pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend called me at work and said, "I hate to do this over the phone..." I burst into tears, thinking he was going to break up with me. Turns out he only ate my last doughnut. Now my co-workers think I'm a weirdo. FML

by Porche / 11/12/2015 at 11:24am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love

Today, my boyfriend started to suck on my boob, which I quite enjoy, until he said he was breastfeeding and called me "Mummy". I don't think I can ever let his mouth near my boobs ever again. FML

by notyourmummy / 11/12/2015 at 4:09am / United Kingdom (Isle of Wight) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend asked me to text him when I got home after driving 40 miles in bad weather from his house back to mine. When I did, he broke up with me. FML

by SayItToMyFace / 11/11/2015 at 12:50pm / United Kingdom / Love

Today, a student set me on fire while I was lecturing my class about proper lab safety. FML

by burnbabyburn / 11/11/2015 at 12:47pm / United Kingdom / Work

Today, I farted myself awake, in a car full of my boyfriend's family. FML

by The horror... / 11/11/2015 at 11:52am / United Kingdom (Luton) / Health

Today, a notification from Tinder popped up on my girlfriend's phone, 'Congratulations, you have a new match'. FML

by anon / 11/10/2015 at 10:28pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love

Today, a kid came into the classroom I teach in to tell me there was "something" in the girls' toilets. "What kind of something", I asked? I was not expecting the answer "A period mural". FML

by Kidsthesedays / 11/09/2015 at 2:33pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Kids

Today, after several months desperately searching for a job and feeling pretty insecure and unimportant, I drove 15 miles to a job interview. On parking my car at the destination, I found that during my drive a spider had been making a cobweb between the car and my hair. FML

by Geemeisters / 11/08/2015 at 5:03am / United Kingdom (Warwickshire) / Transportation

Today, as always, I'm so flat-chested and childlike in appearance that my boyfriend successfully passed me off as his little sister to save money at a restaurant. FML

by Anonymous / 11/01/2015 at 3:48am / United Kingdom (Harrow) / Miscellaneous

Today, I opened the door to what I thought would be a group of trick or treaters. It was actually a naked man. He wanted to come in. FML

by guessthatsatrickthen / 10/31/2015 at 1:19pm / United Kingdom (Leeds) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the airport waiting for my flight to leave for Hawaii when I received an urgent call from my neighbour saying that my house had been broken into. After rushing home and missing my flight, I had to explain to the police that my house wasn't burgled, it was just very messy. FML

by Anonymous / 10/31/2015 at 12:41pm / United Kingdom (Sunderland) / Miscellaneous