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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I asked out the girl of my dreams. She was so excited that she had a severe asthma attack and ended up in hospital. Her answer was yes, but her parents won't let me anywhere near her now. They say I'm lucky they haven't sued me for "trying to kill her". FML

#21312768
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40013) - you deserved it (2258)

On 12/06/2014 at 7:56pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, while driving home, I swerved to avoid turning a duck and her babies into roadkill. Another car was coming around a sharp bend at the time and swerved to avoid hitting me. In the end, we both ran our cars off the road, and he took out several ducks in the process. FML

#21312517
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28115) - you deserved it (7190)

On 12/06/2014 at 12:04pm - misc - by newly passed, newly grassed (man) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I learned I'm allergic to the 5-month-old kitten we got 3 days ago. It loves me, follows me everywhere and sleeps on my lap in the evenings. FML

#21310909
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31460) - you deserved it (3297)

On 12/03/2014 at 6:24pm - animals - by crazy cat lady - United Kingdom (Coventry)

Today, I sat down for a poop. The toilet seat slid off immediately, taking me with it. I lay on the bathroom floor for several moments stunned, still pooping. FML

#21308801
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32888) - you deserved it (4237)

On 11/30/2014 at 2:32pm - misc - by pooplife - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, and for the past few days, there is a musical box stuck somewhere in my attic that randomly plays Christmas songs. FML

Today, while at work, I really had to pee. Since my break was soon, I decided to hold it as another customer came to my till, but I didn't see she had 3 trolleys full of food. It took ages to scan all of it, and when I left for my break, I had an empty bladder and a wet seat. FML

#21307515
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32415) - you deserved it (7085)

On 11/28/2014 at 12:27pm - work - by I'm so wet, baby - United Kingdom

Today, I was locked out of my house. As I was about to knock on the window to ask my girlfriend to let me in, I saw her on the sofa, digging a huge booger out of her nose and eating it. FML

#21307507
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33014) - you deserved it (4294)

On 11/28/2014 at 12:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I came home late from work. As I got out of my car, I noticed a child-shaped silhouette in my bedroom window. I almost shat myself, since I live alone. I searched the whole house, sobbing in fear, only to find no trace of whatever or whoever I'd seen. FML

#21306286
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38286) - you deserved it (3160)

On 11/26/2014 at 3:45pm - misc - by void bowels() { cry(); } (man) - United Kingdom (Caerphilly)

Today, I spent an hour in my car terrified to go inside because I thought my house was being burgled. I saw rapid shadows in the light of my lounge. Eventually I plucked up the courage to creep inside with a rock to find it wasn't a robber. It was my cats, fighting in front of a toppled lamp. FML

#21305532
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26903) - you deserved it (5555)

On 11/24/2014 at 11:21pm - animals - by amazinghermit (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, my grandpa came into my room and asked for a pen. As I gave it to him, he let rip the foulest fart I've ever smelled in my life, and walked out without a word. 2 hours later, the smell is not only still there, it's filled the room. Looks like I'm sleeping downstairs on the couch tonight. FML

#21304373
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28492) - you deserved it (2532)

On 11/23/2014 at 7:52am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to conquer my fear of blades, and tried shaving my legs with a razor. I sat on the side of my bathtub and wet my legs, but some of the water splashed. I slipped on it and fell back, hitting my head on the tile wall and slicing my leg open at the same time. FML

#21304063
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29976) - you deserved it (4933)

On 11/22/2014 at 7:10pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, after visiting friends for the weekend, I took the wrong train home. It was going in completely the opposite direction. I've now missed the last train back, will miss work tomorrow and have just been asked to vacate the train station. I'm 120 miles from home. FML

Today, I found out one of my girlfriend's recent Google searches was, "should I admit to cheating or just dump him?" FML

#21299071
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33910) - you deserved it (2315)

On 11/14/2014 at 5:36pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom



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