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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I was at the airport waiting for my flight to leave for Hawaii when I received an urgent call from my neighbour saying that my house had been broken into. After rushing home and missing my flight, I had to explain to the police that my house wasn't burgled, it was just very messy. FML

#21486494
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22231) - you deserved it (5617)

On 10/31/2015 at 12:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Sunderland)

Today, a tailgating idiot rear-ended me at a red light, then had the balls to say it was my fault for "driving too close" to his car. FML

#21486416
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23326) - you deserved it (1333)

On 10/31/2015 at 6:20am - misc - by fuck off you fucking shitburglar (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was invited to my friend's wedding. I wouldn't mind, but she chose her now fiancé over me, despite him being in prison for assault, a heroin addict and a general dick. This was all because I accidentally called her stupid three years ago. FML

#21486098
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22018) - you deserved it (3438)

On 10/30/2015 at 9:27am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (East Lothian)

Today, I went to the print shop to get some work printed. The guy serving me printed my entire order wrong because he pushed the wrong button, so it had to be done again. He tried to charge me a fine for the mistake he made because "it's not a viable business otherwise". FML

#21482161
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22610) - you deserved it (1463)

On 10/20/2015 at 10:40am - money - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Oxfordshire)

Today, two women came into my place of work, complaining loudly that they couldn't afford a £3 course fee because they didn't have any money to spend on themselves. They were holding large Starbucks coffees. FML

#21482148
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21902) - you deserved it (1368)

On 10/20/2015 at 9:39am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I noticed a guy checking out my ass in the mirror behind the bar where I work. He was cute, so I thought I'd put on a little show. I bent over to reach for something near the floor, which caused me to let rip a series of uncontrollable farts, like popping bubble wrap. He quickly left. FML

#21482104
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24838) - you deserved it (10884)

On 10/20/2015 at 6:13am - love - by bubblewrap (woman) - United Kingdom (Swindon)

Today, I was sexting my boss. I realised that I wasn't texting my boyfriend after I'd sent 2 nudes, and received many sexually provocative responses. FML

#21481233
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24468) - you deserved it (17172)

On 10/17/2015 at 8:49pm - intimacy - by Peter Steele love (woman) - United Kingdom (North Somerset)

Today, I found out that my fiancé's sister, who only got engaged a couple of months ago, is getting married before us. I wouldn't have a problem with this if she wasn't planning her wedding to be exactly like ours will be. FML

#21480945
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24177) - you deserved it (1757)

On 10/17/2015 at 12:00am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)

Today, my boyfriend of two years told me that he sees no future with me. It's alright though, because he says we can still "coast along" until he meets someone else. FML

#21480863
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25053) - you deserved it (1914)

On 10/16/2015 at 7:08pm - love - by screwyouchris - United Kingdom (Brighton and Hove)

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend about the importance of foreplay, and that attempting to get me "in the mood" by whipping his cock out and air humping was roughly equivalent to throwing a dry teabag at me and claiming he made a cup of tea. FML

#21480731
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27434) - you deserved it (2725)

On 10/16/2015 at 11:05am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, my boyfriend flamboyantly proposed to me in a packed restaurant. I promptly had a panic attack and fainted in front of at least fifty people and a full mariachi band. FML

#21480476
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23527) - you deserved it (2123)

On 10/15/2015 at 5:47pm - misc - by lacucarcha (woman) - United Kingdom (Telford and Wrekin)

Today, I got turned down by my dream job because their rival company happens to be called my exact name. I'm now known as "The Spy". FML

#21480450
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22606) - you deserved it (1412)

On 10/15/2015 at 4:44pm - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Richmond upon Thames)

Today, I got nearly kicked out of the room I rent because I refuse to close my curtains at night. Apparently, my landlady thinks it doesn't look nice when people pass by and look. My room is on the third floor and I just want to see the stars. FML

#21480443
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21979) - you deserved it (1714)

On 10/15/2015 at 4:34pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom



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