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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend started to suck on my boob, which I quite enjoy, until he said he was breastfeeding and called me "Mummy". I don't think I can ever let his mouth near my boobs ever again. FML

#21491595
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27911) - you deserved it (2974)

On 11/12/2015 at 4:09am - intimacy - by notyourmummy (woman) - United Kingdom (Isle of Wight)

Today, my boyfriend asked me to text him when I got home after driving 40 miles in bad weather from his house back to mine. When I did, he broke up with me. FML

#21491254
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24262) - you deserved it (1390)

On 11/11/2015 at 12:50pm - love - by SayItToMyFace (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, a student set me on fire while I was lecturing my class about proper lab safety. FML

#21491253
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22737) - you deserved it (1976)

On 11/11/2015 at 12:47pm - work - by burnbabyburn - United Kingdom

Today, I farted myself awake, in a car full of my boyfriend's family. FML

#21491232
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23702) - you deserved it (2913)

On 11/11/2015 at 11:52am - health - by The horror... (woman) - United Kingdom (Luton)

Today, a notification from Tinder popped up on my girlfriend's phone, 'Congratulations, you have a new match'. FML

#21491028
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26865) - you deserved it (2195)

On 11/10/2015 at 10:28pm - love - by anon - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, a kid came into the classroom I teach in to tell me there was "something" in the girls' toilets. "What kind of something", I asked? I was not expecting the answer "A period mural". FML

#21490397
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23093) - you deserved it (3133)

On 11/09/2015 at 2:33pm - kids - by Kidsthesedays (woman) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, after several months desperately searching for a job and feeling pretty insecure and unimportant, I drove 15 miles to a job interview. On parking my car at the destination, I found that during my drive a spider had been making a cobweb between the car and my hair. FML

#21489841
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20541) - you deserved it (1665)

On 11/08/2015 at 5:03am - animals - by Geemeisters - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)

Today, as always, I'm so flat-chested and childlike in appearance that my boyfriend successfully passed me off as his little sister to save money at a restaurant. FML

#21486772
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24930) - you deserved it (2119)

On 11/01/2015 at 3:48am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Harrow)

Today, I opened the door to what I thought would be a group of trick or treaters. It was actually a naked man. He wanted to come in. FML

#21486506
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25566) - you deserved it (1840)

On 10/31/2015 at 1:19pm - misc - by guessthatsatrickthen (woman) - United Kingdom (Leeds)

Today, I was at the airport waiting for my flight to leave for Hawaii when I received an urgent call from my neighbour saying that my house had been broken into. After rushing home and missing my flight, I had to explain to the police that my house wasn't burgled, it was just very messy. FML

#21486494
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22215) - you deserved it (5611)

On 10/31/2015 at 12:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Sunderland)

Today, a tailgating idiot rear-ended me at a red light, then had the balls to say it was my fault for "driving too close" to his car. FML

#21486416
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23322) - you deserved it (1333)

On 10/31/2015 at 6:20am - misc - by fuck off you fucking shitburglar (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was invited to my friend's wedding. I wouldn't mind, but she chose her now fiancé over me, despite him being in prison for assault, a heroin addict and a general dick. This was all because I accidentally called her stupid three years ago. FML

#21486098
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22017) - you deserved it (3438)

On 10/30/2015 at 9:27am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (East Lothian)

Today, I went to the print shop to get some work printed. The guy serving me printed my entire order wrong because he pushed the wrong button, so it had to be done again. He tried to charge me a fine for the mistake he made because "it's not a viable business otherwise". FML

#21482161
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22608) - you deserved it (1463)

On 10/20/2015 at 10:40am - money - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Oxfordshire)



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