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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, my mother asked me how pasta is harvested. She actually thought it grew out of the ground. FML

#21408925
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26816) - you deserved it (2163)

On 05/12/2015 at 12:37pm - misc - by a - United Kingdom (Windsor and Maidenhead)

Today, I stood up in front of the class and dropped my pen. As I bent over to pick it up, a boy in the front row loudly broke wind. I will forever be known as "that teacher who farted". FML

#21408482
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25899) - you deserved it (1973)

On 05/11/2015 at 4:54pm - work - by Becky (woman) - United Kingdom (Dorset)

Today, my boyfriend's mum publicly shamed him on Facebook after she caught him having sex under her roof today. Everyone thought it was hilarious, except me. Not because I'm ashamed, but because I'm over 300 miles away right now. FML

#21407667
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36911) - you deserved it (2021)

On 05/10/2015 at 8:16am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (York)

Today, I found my 15-year-old son sleeping on the couch. I asked why, and he said he'd rented his room out to someone on Craigslist to make extra money, so he was getting used to sleeping in the living room instead. FML

#21406874
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29256) - you deserved it (2365)

On 05/08/2015 at 5:19pm - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I sneezed so hard that my head shot forward and smashed against his, sending his head backwards against the wall. He ended up with a concussion, and I still feel like someone hit me over the head with a chair. FML

#21406759
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25739) - you deserved it (3241)

On 05/08/2015 at 12:46pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I realised I've been depressed about my recent break up for longer than the relationship even lasted. FML

Today, I got yelled at for 'letting' my muddy dog jump on my cousin's wedding dress as she was getting ready. I don't own a dog and haven't since I was a kid. FML

#21404425
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30977) - you deserved it (1997)

On 05/04/2015 at 10:49am - animals - by FMe - United Kingdom

Today, in the middle of the supermarket, my 7 year old son asked me what a cocksucker is and why his mum always calls me that. FML

#21402984
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27800) - you deserved it (3102)

On 05/01/2015 at 4:41pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, someone at work took my delicate medication out of the fridge to make room for their lunch. Now my medication has expired. FML

#21402350
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30468) - you deserved it (2333)

On 04/30/2015 at 1:33pm - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Limavady)

Today, after assuming I'd been scammed, I finally found the vibrator I ordered over 2 months ago. It was in my mom's bedside cabinet. FML

#21401155
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33127) - you deserved it (3594)

On 04/28/2015 at 12:58pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Devon)

Today, my fiancé called me 'thick' for not realising he'd been sleeping with his ex earlier. FML

Today, I asked the man of my dreams out on a date. His response: "I'd rather eat my own balls." FML

#21399850
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32507) - you deserved it (3091)

On 04/26/2015 at 4:19am - love - by fuck you (woman) - United Kingdom (Sheffield)

Today, I brought my girlfriend home to introduce to my parents. My dad thought it would be hilarious to fill some clear bags full of flour, then pretend he was sampling a cocaine shipment when she arrived. She excused herself very quickly and isn't answering my calls. FML

#21399378
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31203) - you deserved it (2499)

On 04/25/2015 at 6:34am - love - by a critically injured shitehawk (man) - United Kingdom (York)



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