FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I was talking to my friend, who was telling me he's having suicidal thoughts lately. He then said he'd be back in a few minutes. Nearly an hour passed. I panicked, thinking he'd offed himself. Several minutes after I called the emergency services, he messaged me, saying "K, back." FML

by Anonymous / 07/19/2015 at 2:49am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I watched a young shop assistant try her hardest to flirt with my 20-year-old son. When he continued to be totally oblivious, she outright invited him back to her flat. When he asked, "What for?" a piece of my soul died at how completely I have failed as a father. FML

by anonymous / 07/16/2015 at 6:21pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Kids

Today, after having to spend over an hour yesterday giving the man I'm in love with advice on how to impress his date yesterday evening, I got to spend another hour listening to how great their sex was last night. FML

by jealousgirl / 07/16/2015 at 5:00pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, the waste disposal truck managed to tip over a portapotty on our work site, causing the contents to overflow and run down the bank towards my portakabin office, where someone had left the door open. All my money, ID and my car keys are now shut off to me by a river of shit. FML

by mississpissi / 07/14/2015 at 8:00am / United Kingdom (Slough) / Transportation

Today, a customer at the restaurant where I work reduced me to tears by screaming at me, as I nearly knocked out his 2-year-old with the kitchen door, after he let the little boy play on the floor behind it. Apparently, it's my fault I can't see through solid wood. FML

by Anonymous / 07/12/2015 at 3:39pm / United Kingdom / Work

Today, I had to explain to several young children why asking the new blind girl to play hide and seek with them is inappropriate. FML

by Anonymous / 07/10/2015 at 12:52pm / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Kids

Today, a week after my miscarriage, my little sister thought it appropriate to wrap her belt around her neck and scream, "Hey look, it's your baby!" FML

by Anonymous / 07/09/2015 at 10:38am / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Kids

Today, I attended a work interview. My hay fever has been flaring up during the hot weather, causing my throat to swell up and make me short of breath, which I explained. The woman interviewing me told me I was unsuccessful, as customers wouldn't be able to understand someone with my 'disability'. FML

by FuckPollen / 07/08/2015 at 7:01am / United Kingdom (Hartlepool) / Work

Today, I tried to arrange my first gallery exhibition as a photography student. Not even my mother wants to come. FML

by jasondrags / 07/03/2015 at 9:42am / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Miscellaneous

Today, I rang up a good friend to ask her to be one of the two bridesmaids at my upcoming wedding. Before I could ask, she let me know that she would not be attending my wedding, as, "Weddings are expensive, so I'm not attending ones for people that are just acquaintances". FML

by NeedMoreFriends / 07/03/2015 at 6:30am / United Kingdom (Wakefield) / Miscellaneous

Today, our family dog died. A couple of hours after the death, my mother-in-law slapped my crying five year old son over the head and told him to "Man up." She totally refuses to admit she did anything wrong. FML

Today, I spent nearly half an hour looking for my favourite pair of shoes. I ended up getting so pissed off that I accused my boyfriend of stealing them. He then pointed out that I was wearing them. FML

by Anonymous / 07/01/2015 at 1:54pm / United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne) / Miscellaneous

Today, a dog bit me on the bus. Instead of apologising, its owner said it was my fault because my hands "must smell of meat". I'm a vegetarian. FML

by alaillama / 06/30/2015 at 6:19pm / United Kingdom (Ealing) / Transportation

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.