FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I rode my new bike for the first time. I made it less than 100 feet from my driveway before I was almost flattened by someone driving on the wrong side of the road. Upside: I managed to get out of the way. Downside: I did it by slamming my brand new, expensive bike into a wall. FML

by Banana_Lord / 09/11/2015 at 7:50pm / United Kingdom (Angus) / Transportation

Today, after carefully, and might I say, expertly removing all the hair from my girlfriend's genitals, she decided to try and "Nair" my balls. 24 hours later and I still can't walk properly and my balls look like they were involved in a severe kitchen incident. FML

by davetherave1983 / 09/09/2015 at 1:09am / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Health

Today, my ex-fiancée's new boyfriend phoned me to ask what her ring size is. FML

by Anon / 09/06/2015 at 8:50am / United Kingdom (Staffordshire) / Love

Today, while using a portable restroom at the park, I discovered all too late that some very hostile and territorial hornets had made it their home. FML

by Anonymous / 09/05/2015 at 4:39am / United Kingdom / Health

Today, my dad made me and my boyfriend break up. Not because he was a bad influence, but because I was. FML

by bestgirlfriend / 09/03/2015 at 7:31pm / United Kingdom (Stockton-on-Tees) / Love

Today, after the doctor poking around my urethra and vagina at a lump, she turns to me and says, "I'm going to be honest, I have no idea what that is. Have some antibiotics and we'll see how it goes in two weeks." Excuse me while I go panic in a corner. FML

by freakingout / 09/02/2015 at 5:10pm / United Kingdom (Coventry) / Health

Today, I was diagnosed with depression. My girlfriend's idea of consoling me was to break up with me because she can't date a "psycho". FML

by Anonymous / 09/02/2015 at 9:29am / United Kingdom / Love

Today, some friends got upset with me as I wouldn't leave work early and cycle 12 miles to meet them to fix their punctures because they had no spare tubes or repair kits. The same friends that always mock me for being so prepared on bike rides. FML

by Anonymous / 09/02/2015 at 5:20am / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw my ex for the first time since we broke up. We were on a train next to each other for 6 hours, to a festival where our tents were pitched next to each other. We're here for 5 days. FML

by NoFunForMe / 08/31/2015 at 12:27pm / United Kingdom (Bristol, City of) / Transportation

Today, I thought the girl I was seeing was going to tell me that she loved me. Instead, she told me how she sucked some other guy's dick. FML

by FuckThis / 08/31/2015 at 9:16am / United Kingdom (Cardiff) / Intimacy

Today, my doctor died. Last week, after a check up I'd had because I was worried about a cough, he told me not to worry because I was as healthy as he was. FML

by Anonymous / 08/29/2015 at 4:50am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Health

Today, my bitch of a sister broke my new phone, which took me months of work to earn. Her excuse? If I didn't want her to break it, I shouldn't have let her use it. FML

by Anonymous / 08/27/2015 at 8:43am / United Kingdom (Bexley) / Kids

Today, due to medication I am taking that causes constipation, I have become all too accustomed to using a disposable rubber glove to dig crap out of my own butthole. FML

by jack / 08/27/2015 at 6:56am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Health