FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I sneezed so hard that my head shot forward and smashed against his, sending his head backwards against the wall. He ended up with a concussion, and I still feel like someone hit me over the head with a chair. FML

by Anonymous / 05/08/2015 at 12:46pm / United Kingdom (Essex) / Health

Today, I realised I've been depressed about my recent break up for longer than the relationship even lasted. FML

by fleckney26 / 05/05/2015 at 1:09pm / United Kingdom (Leicester) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got yelled at for 'letting' my muddy dog jump on my cousin's wedding dress as she was getting ready. I don't own a dog and haven't since I was a kid. FML

by FMe / 05/04/2015 at 10:49am / United Kingdom / Animals

Today, in the middle of the supermarket, my 7 year old son asked me what a cocksucker is and why his mum always calls me that. FML

by Anonymous / 05/01/2015 at 4:41pm / United Kingdom (Northamptonshire) / Kids

Today, someone at work took my delicate medication out of the fridge to make room for their lunch. Now my medication has expired. FML

by Anonymous / 04/30/2015 at 1:33pm / United Kingdom (Limavady) / Work

Today, after assuming I'd been scammed, I finally found the vibrator I ordered over 2 months ago. It was in my mom's bedside cabinet. FML

by Anonymous / 04/28/2015 at 12:58pm / United Kingdom (Devon) / Intimacy

Today, my fiancé called me 'thick' for not realising he'd been sleeping with his ex earlier. FML

Today, I asked the man of my dreams out on a date. His response: "I'd rather eat my own balls." FML

by fuck you / 04/26/2015 at 4:19am / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Love

Today, I brought my girlfriend home to introduce to my parents. My dad thought it would be hilarious to fill some clear bags full of flour, then pretend he was sampling a cocaine shipment when she arrived. She excused herself very quickly and isn't answering my calls. FML

by a critically injured shitehawk / 04/25/2015 at 6:34am / United Kingdom (York) / Love

Today, it was my 18th birthday and I was told I couldn't get the night off work because a party of 34 had booked into the restaurant. It turned out my family had come in to 'celebrate' by making me wait on them. They were a nightmare, thought it was hilarious to be difficult, and didn't tip. FML

by Anonymous / 04/23/2015 at 8:28am / United Kingdom (Dundee City) / Work

Today, whilst in the last week of my notice period, I was instructed by my boss to tell six new employees that their jobs had fallen through before they'd even started. Later that afternoon, I received a call from my line manager. Guess whose own job has fallen through too. FML

by Karma / 04/21/2015 at 12:45pm / United Kingdom (Newport) / Work

Today, I started getting really bad chest pains at work. I googled it and the internet convinced me I was having a heart attack. Scared for my life, I started to dial for an ambulance when I let out the biggest fart you could ever imagine. Turns out it was trapped gas. FML

by Not dying. / 04/21/2015 at 3:55am / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Health

Today, I had a theatre performance. I had to put on a lot of makeup for the role, and one of the guys said I looked nice. I smiled and said thanks. Seconds later, I'd been sucker-punched by his girlfriend for "flirting" with her man. FML

by Anonymous / 04/20/2015 at 10:45am / United Kingdom (Leicester) / Health