FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I got into the shower with my glasses on by mistake. I spent 5 minutes convinced that the fog in my vision was me going blind. FML

by monster1109 / 08/10/2015 at 11:51am / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Miscellaneous

Today, my brother let me fly his two day old, expensive drone. Within a minute I had crashed it into a potato field. Four hours of searching and we still haven't found it. FML

by oh great / 08/09/2015 at 11:23am / United Kingdom (Doncaster) / Money

Today, I realised that my closeted gay friend has dated more women this year than I have in my 28 years of life. FML

by Anonymous / 08/08/2015 at 8:03pm / United Kingdom (North Somerset) / Love

Today, my sister offered me a couple doughnuts she bought recently. Thinking she was just being nice, I went ahead and started eating, and was met with the most horrid taste I've ever experienced. Turns out her "recently" was two weeks ago. FML

by Anonymous / 08/07/2015 at 5:18pm / United Kingdom (Plymouth) / Miscellaneous

Today, an older lady approached me at work and stroked my hair, telling me it was 'beautiful'. This isn't unusual, I'm a natural redhead and octogenarians especially seem to love the colour. However, the unusual part was the glob of snot she left in my hair from her unwashed hands. FML

by gingerwhinger / 08/05/2015 at 7:24pm / United Kingdom (Milton Keynes) / Miscellaneous

Today, I entered a painting I'd worked on for weeks into an art competition. I won nothing. I wouldn't care so much if the guy I lost out to hadn't submitted a blank canvas and called it a "conceptual piece". FML

by thekyledavid / 08/05/2015 at 12:47pm / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out what mouse intestines squashed against my bare feet feels like. FML

by whydoihavecats / 08/04/2015 at 3:19pm / United Kingdom / Animals

Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating on me. He didn't break down into tears, or say he'd made a huge mistake, or even apologise. No, he just looked up and said "Bugger." FML

by single and unbuggered / 07/31/2015 at 5:04pm / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Love

Today, I went to a garden party my friend had invited me to. I soon discovered they had seriously downplayed the formality of the event, as I noticed trays of fancy hors d'oeuvres and glasses of champagne lined up on the table. I showed up with Kool Aid and Ritz crackers. FML

by Anonymous / 07/28/2015 at 8:22am / United Kingdom (Slough) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to start jogging to keep fit. I was passed about ten times by the same car, carrying four bozos whose vocabulary consisted only of, "TITTIES!" and copious amounts of giggling. FML

by dole_dosser / 07/27/2015 at 1:35am / United Kingdom (Bristol, City of) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was making some scrambled eggs. I had the eggs in a pan, stirring for about ten minutes, before I realised that the eggs were cooking very slow. I tried to figure out what was wrong for another few minutes before my grandma pointed out to me that the oven wasn't turned on. FML

by sarah4241 / 07/26/2015 at 5:04pm / United Kingdom (Belfast) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was pouring my heart out to my dad about how I'm such a loser and how I have no friends. He listened sympathetically, until his phone buzzed with a text message. He said "Balls, the guys from work wanna get shitfaced." and took a rain check on me. FML

by arch maester shavayalsharashion / 07/26/2015 at 1:29pm / United Kingdom (Kingston upon Thames) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was doing my first shift waitressing in a café. Not an hour in, I'd already spilt tea over somebody and dropped two whole meals. Looks like this won't last much longer. FML

by failingyetagain / 07/20/2015 at 6:17pm / United Kingdom (Leicestershire) / Work