FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I had severe constipation. I went to get some more laxatives when I felt something fall onto the top of my head. I reached up to see what it was and it turned out to be quite a large spider. Guess who isn't constipated anymore. FML

by NotAGoodDay / 08/10/2016 at 2:57pm / United Kingdom (Suffolk) / Health

Today, a woman threatened to stab my eyes out because I wouldn't let her into the shop I closed and locked up half an hour ago. FML

by iloveretail / 08/08/2016 at 3:14pm / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Work

Today, I found out that I need to get a root canal, the only day I can get an appointment is on the same day I'm flying out for training for my new job. I can't get out of either, so now need to face my fear of flying and fear of dentists the same day. FML

by FlyingPain / 08/05/2016 at 7:16am / United Kingdom / Holidays

Today, on the bus ride home from work, two women behind me kept pulling my hair. I turned around and told them to, "cut it out." When I got home, I realized they'd took it literally. FML

by TheodoreFinches / 08/01/2016 at 11:14am / United Kingdom / Transportation

Today, on a girls night out at a very fancy restaurant, our waiter spilled my chocolate dessert over my new white pants. To repay up, they gave us a free bottle of red wine, which he promptly coated me in. FML

by Hutchie931 / 07/30/2016 at 7:24pm / United Kingdom (Dudley) / Miscellaneous

Today, whilst tuning my guitar, one of the steel strings snapped and hit me in the face. Now I'm on my way to my first date with the girl of my dreams, and I'm wearing an eye patch and have a thick red line across my face. FML

by Egtat216 / 07/29/2016 at 6:03pm / United Kingdom (Aberdeen City) / Miscellaneous

Today, after months of putting up with it, I finally asked my manager not to put me on shifts with this old guy who is racist, sexist and lazy. This was how I found out that he died over the weekend. FML

by fmlsheffgirl / 07/25/2016 at 7:52am / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Work

Today, I had to make a choice between being kept awake by the heat, or the cackling seagulls outside my window. I still don't know what's worse. FML

Today, I went to the store to get groceries. After getting all the stuff I need, and was heading towards the checkout point, I heard a baby cry and instantly felt coldness on my shirt. Yes I was lactating, and yes it was noticeable. FML

by gamerlaura / 07/21/2016 at 6:09pm / United Kingdom (Gwynedd) / Health

Today, I walked into my son's room to be attacked by a swarm of flies. I'm afraid to go back in there. FML

by ENDmySUFFERING / 07/21/2016 at 11:25am / United Kingdom (Southampton) / Kids

Today, for reasons that I dare not ask, I received a topless selfie from my Nan followed quickly by a simple sorry text. Sorry is not going to pay for the years of therapy I need. FML

by Anonymous / 07/19/2016 at 11:01pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, when confronting my boyfriend about slapping a girl's ass in the club, he claimed: "There was a mosquito on it." FML

by aurora320 / 07/19/2016 at 3:50pm / United Kingdom (Bournemouth) / Love

Today, it's so insanely hot that no matter how often I shower or use deodorant the smell of my armpits makes me feel physically sick. FML

by Need To Bathe In Deodorant / 07/17/2016 at 3:23pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Miscellaneous