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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I was walking down the street holding my boyfriend's hand, when a seemingly sweet old man said to him, "Hey, you've got to hold her hand properly". I asked him to show me what properly meant. He licked my hand. FML

Today, my boyfriend admitted than he's been using Febreze instead of showering for the past month. FML

Today, I fell asleep at my desk. It's bad enough that it was for 45 minutes and that I was snoring. What makes it worse? My boss woke me up. FML

#21274158
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28341) - you deserved it (13451)

On 10/09/2014 at 10:10am - work - by Sleepy (man) - United Kingdom (Hillingdon)

Today, I told my boyfriend about how I was a test tube baby. He looked at me with confusion before asking, "But if scientists made you, surely you'd be really attractive and talented and stuff?" FML

#21272259
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38397) - you deserved it (3769)

On 10/06/2014 at 7:47pm - misc - by thanks babe - United Kingdom (Shropshire)

Today, I replied to a party invite. I thought I was only replying to the hostess, who's a close friend, so added a P. S. about a recent sex toy purchase I'd made and how rubbish it had been. I only realised after pressing "Send" that I'd selected "Reply All". FML

#21271313
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23398) - you deserved it (34350)

On 10/05/2014 at 3:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, the guy I really like acknowledged my existence for the first time. Too bad it was through a text saying "lol ur a fat fukc". FML

#21271187
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34975) - you deserved it (3461)

On 10/05/2014 at 12:02pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, my colleague and I played yet another wonderful game of 'Tapeworm or Toilet Paper?' in the homeless shelter's toilets we were asked to clean. FML

#21270023
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29150) - you deserved it (3351)

On 10/03/2014 at 7:29am - work - by whydoidothis (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I thought I was finally over my anxiety problem, and confidently went to my first ever job interview. Halfway through, the manager tells me that if I didn't stop being so nervous, he couldn't give me the job. I cried. FML

#21269405
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37154) - you deserved it (4428)

On 10/02/2014 at 4:56am - work - by rejected - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, my drunk husband came home, got into bed, and started humping the body pillow. He ended up whining about how I hadn't come yet, then angrily slurred that I must be cheating on him. All I could do was stay quiet and wonder how the idiot even made it home alive. FML

#21266933
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46752) - you deserved it (3514)

On 09/28/2014 at 11:30am - intimacy - by tw@ (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, my dad forgot I was on the back of his motorbike. He did a wheelie and I fell off. FML

Today, I was sitting on a bench at the local park, eating a banana. A guy old enough to be my grandfather walked by, turned to look at me, then said "Young man, I wish I were that banana." He walked away, and I almost blacked out choking on it in shock. FML

#21265897
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35720) - you deserved it (3646)

On 09/26/2014 at 4:40pm - misc - by Operation Yewtree here I come (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was asked to order a new lockable cash tin for work. When my boss returned to ask which one I'd selected, I said, "An 8-inch black one". Her giggle said it all. FML

#21265697
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30859) - you deserved it (5761)

On 09/26/2014 at 9:03am - work - by dicksonthebrain (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my boss changed some company calendar settings on my computer to see what they'd be like. He didn't like it, so he told me to change it back, then left. I have no idea what he changed. FML

#21263813
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (156) - you deserved it (2362)

On 09/23/2014 at 1:29pm - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom



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