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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, my 9-year-old daughter was acting out and wouldn't do her homework. I told her that if she didn't study, she wouldn't get her acceptance letter from Hogwarts. She looked into my eyes, straight through to my soul and said, "Hogwarts isn't real, retard." FML

#21280509
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34218) - you deserved it (12235)

On 10/18/2014 at 3:29pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I watched from my office window as a couple maneuvered their car to squash a dead pigeon flat on the road. I then watched as they got out of the car, set up tripods and started taking photos of it. FML

Today, my boyfriend decided he's asexual and dumped me on the spot. FML

#21276883
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36668) - you deserved it (4073)

On 10/13/2014 at 1:03pm - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I got roped into a volunteering thing at the last minute. I was waiting outside with all these kids who looked hungry. Feeling bad, I passed around crisps and cookies. Turns out we were at a convention to promote healthy eating in malnourished children. FML

#21274410
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28797) - you deserved it (4930)

On 10/09/2014 at 6:17pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was walking down the street holding my boyfriend's hand, when a seemingly sweet old man said to him, "Hey, you've got to hold her hand properly". I asked him to show me what properly meant. He licked my hand. FML

Today, my boyfriend admitted than he's been using Febreze instead of showering for the past month. FML

Today, I fell asleep at my desk. It's bad enough that it was for 45 minutes and that I was snoring. What makes it worse? My boss woke me up. FML

#21274158
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28345) - you deserved it (13454)

On 10/09/2014 at 10:10am - work - by Sleepy (man) - United Kingdom (Hillingdon)

Today, I told my boyfriend about how I was a test tube baby. He looked at me with confusion before asking, "But if scientists made you, surely you'd be really attractive and talented and stuff?" FML

#21272259
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38404) - you deserved it (3769)

On 10/06/2014 at 7:47pm - misc - by thanks babe - United Kingdom (Shropshire)

Today, I replied to a party invite. I thought I was only replying to the hostess, who's a close friend, so added a P. S. about a recent sex toy purchase I'd made and how rubbish it had been. I only realised after pressing "Send" that I'd selected "Reply All". FML

#21271313
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23435) - you deserved it (34404)

On 10/05/2014 at 3:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, the guy I really like acknowledged my existence for the first time. Too bad it was through a text saying "lol ur a fat fukc". FML

#21271187
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34982) - you deserved it (3462)

On 10/05/2014 at 12:02pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, my colleague and I played yet another wonderful game of 'Tapeworm or Toilet Paper?' in the homeless shelter's toilets we were asked to clean. FML

#21270023
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29157) - you deserved it (3350)

On 10/03/2014 at 7:29am - work - by whydoidothis (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I thought I was finally over my anxiety problem, and confidently went to my first ever job interview. Halfway through, the manager tells me that if I didn't stop being so nervous, he couldn't give me the job. I cried. FML

#21269405
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37159) - you deserved it (4428)

On 10/02/2014 at 4:56am - work - by rejected - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, my drunk husband came home, got into bed, and started humping the body pillow. He ended up whining about how I hadn't come yet, then angrily slurred that I must be cheating on him. All I could do was stay quiet and wonder how the idiot even made it home alive. FML

#21266933
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46880) - you deserved it (3515)

On 09/28/2014 at 11:30am - intimacy - by tw@ (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)



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