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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I learned one of life's great lessons: it is possible to squeeze a Ketchup bottle so hard that the plastic breaks and everything lands on your face. FML

#21417490
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22760) - you deserved it (5578)

On 05/29/2015 at 6:58am - misc - by sassy_girl144 (woman) - United Kingdom (West Berkshire)

Today, my dad stood by and nodded in agreement as my sister told me that my clinical depression is "getting REALLY old." FML

#21416569
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28006) - you deserved it (3161)

On 05/27/2015 at 9:39am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I had a call to the rodent rescue I run. They wanted to know if we had any mice for adoption and how much they cost. I told them that we had over 30 mice, and that we don't charge but do take donations. They said, "That's fantastic! I've been struggling to find snake food that isn't frozen!" FML

Today, during a driving lesson, I stopped behind a taxi, and got more and more annoyed when the traffic wouldn't move. A few minutes later, my instructor couldn't hold his laughter any more and pointed out I'd somehow zoned out and entered a taxi rank. FML

#21414941
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24060) - you deserved it (6241)

On 05/24/2015 at 12:56pm - misc - by kalvin (man) - United Kingdom (Leeds)

Today, my new doctor asked if I'm sexually active. I said no. He nodded and murmured "No surprise there." Thanks, mate. FML

#21414914
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27278) - you deserved it (2261)

On 05/24/2015 at 11:56am - misc - by Mona Lisa was a skank-ass ho (man) - United Kingdom (Stockport)

Today, I felt pretty. As I deal with a severe anxiety and depression, I was proud of myself. All until a little girl asked: "Are you a boy or a girl?" FML

Today, I checked my son's browser history, as he's been acting strangely around his computer recently. I found several bizarre Google searches, including but not limited to: "unicorn dick-farts", "sharting kittens", and "can you get AIDS from Asians?" What the fuck is wrong with him? FML

#21414033
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27725) - you deserved it (4553)

On 05/22/2015 at 2:17pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Havering)

Today, I found out that my flatmate wears my underwear. FML

#21413767
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24383) - you deserved it (1810)

On 05/21/2015 at 10:22pm - misc - by anon - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I went indoor rock climbing. After finally making it to the top, my pants ripped on my last move. I wasn't wearing any underwear. FML

#21412970
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21644) - you deserved it (19090)

On 05/20/2015 at 10:43am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Stockport)

Today, I spent half-an-hour trapped inside my dog's crate. The door locked behind me as I squeezed myself inside to stroke her. After bellowing at my family in the garden for what felt like an eternity, they came through just to laugh and take pictures. FML

#21412642
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24315) - you deserved it (8385)

On 05/19/2015 at 4:58pm - animals - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Scottish Borders, The)

Today, I bought my first vibrator. I was really excited, until my crippling OCD kicked in, forcing me to turn it on and off seven times in rapid succession, causing it to give off a cracking sound and stop working. Now I'm sad. FML

#21412477
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27720) - you deserved it (9950)

On 05/19/2015 at 10:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my girlfriend suggested we start using a safe word during sex - not because we're into BDSM or anything like that, it's just in case she gets bored and wants me to stop. FML

#21412386
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29248) - you deserved it (4496)

On 05/19/2015 at 2:45am - intimacy - by username - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, one of my idiot co-workers thought it'd be hilarious to "fix" my car while I was working. Now every time I step on the brake pedal, the horn goes off. FML

#21412007
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28419) - you deserved it (2311)

On 05/18/2015 at 2:41pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom



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