FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, due to medication I am taking that causes constipation, I have become all too accustomed to using a disposable rubber glove to dig crap out of my own butthole. FML

by jack / 08/27/2015 at 6:56am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Health

Today, the boy that I met online six months ago and expressed my love to sent me a picture of himself and confessed how old he really was: thirteen. I'm eighteen years old and holding a steady job. FML

by FlyAwayPlease / 08/25/2015 at 6:38pm / United Kingdom (Flintshire) / Love

Today, I shaved my pubes while staying at my senile grandma's place. I guess I didn't clean up properly, because she found some hair and insisted someone must have broken in while we were out and used the shower. I had to play along to spare myself embarrassment. FML

by Anonymous / 08/25/2015 at 1:44pm / United Kingdom (East Sussex) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was lying on a couch, reading, when I noticed a spindly leg poking round the corner of my book. Upon realising it was a spider, I calmly and rationally threw my book across the room, breaking the TV. FML

by Annie / 08/24/2015 at 4:46am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home from a stay at my girlfriend's place. My little brother stepped on my bag and accidentally switched my vibrator on. I told him the buzzing sound was my electric toothbrush. He went to the bathroom and came back with the toothbrush. He won't stop asking what's in my bag. FML

by dannidoll93 / 08/22/2015 at 10:59am / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my period started again. I just finished a 17-day period 3 days ago. FML

by period pains / 08/22/2015 at 6:47am / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Health

Today, my boss bitched me out for violating workplace privacy, after he found an FML post from last year that eerily resembled a situation that happened the same year. He thought I posted it and twisted things to make him look like an idiot. I've never posted here in my life. FML

by Anonymous / 08/20/2015 at 1:48pm / United Kingdom (Fife) / Work

Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He's smart, attractive, and has a steady job. Imagine my surprise when he accepted. Then imagine my surprise when he followed up with "Hah, just kidding. You're fuckin' BORING!" FML

by ThroatSlasher / 08/17/2015 at 3:20pm / United Kingdom (North East Lincolnshire) / Love

Today, my elderly dad learned how to use Facebook. He now spends most of his time messaging me about his meals, his bowel movements and his foot fungus. He's now learning how to use Skype. FML

by IceWrath / 08/16/2015 at 4:14am / United Kingdom (York) / Miscellaneous

Today, a woman who works in the clinic across the road told me that my glass isn't frosted enough and she and all her patients can see me when I shower. FML

by theflasher / 08/13/2015 at 5:10pm / United Kingdom (Bristol, City of) / Intimacy

Today, I got all excited because I thought my crush was flirting with me, when in actuality she was taking advantage of me liking her so she and her friends could make fun of my speech impediment. FML

by SY5623 / 08/11/2015 at 8:00pm / United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, my lazy bastard of a co-worker punched me straight in the jaw because he didn't get the promotion I did. Being his new manager, I fired him. A few hours later, I was fired for "abusing" my power. FML

by NotJobbing / 08/11/2015 at 7:05pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Work

Today, I told my boyfriend I was scared to open up to him because I had lost people in the past by doing so. After an hour of him trying to convince me to share my thoughts with him, I finally agreed to tell him some things that were worrying me. He broke up with me a minute later. FML

by Lady_Gunslinger9 / 08/11/2015 at 5:38pm / United Kingdom (Durham) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.