Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, it was my first day working at a milking parlor. As I crouched behind a cow to put on an udder cluster, I looked up and gasped just in time for the cow to crap on my face. FML

#35996
10 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40883) - you deserved it (6158)

On 02/13/2009 at 7:42am - animals - by abi_vet_student (woman) - United Kingdom (Edinburgh)

Today, I gave my girlfriend a new TV as a 10th anniversary present. She gave me a torch on a keyring. FML

#35828
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30870) - you deserved it (6160)

On 02/13/2009 at 4:46am - misc - by Tamps (man) - United Kingdom (Liverpool)

Today, I found out my teacher writes descriptions next to people's names on the register to remind him who people were. By mistake the descriptions appeared on the computer projector. Next to my name it said "Tubby". FML

#30377
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39903) - you deserved it (4745)

On 02/12/2009 at 8:37am - misc - by atterz123 (man) - United Kingdom (Lincolnshire)

Today, having just told me what a great job I've been doing and how he'd really like to start giving me some more responsibility, my boss asked me if I'd sharpen a couple of pencils for him. FML

#24601
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27178) - you deserved it (2220)

On 02/11/2009 at 9:08am - misc - by Killmenow (woman) - United Kingdom (Bedfordshire)

Today, I accidentally kicked a child down a set of steps. I work in a kids play area. FML

#24461
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14402) - you deserved it (27253)

On 02/11/2009 at 6:59am - misc - by Crog (man) - United Kingdom (Monmouthshire)

Today, my husband found the box my morning after pill came in. He had a vasectomy 10 years ago. FML

#18272
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32734) - you deserved it (442034)

On 02/09/2009 at 7:46pm - intimacy - by apricot (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, my mum decided that me being bisexual meant that I was "deciding whether or not to be a lesbian" because supposedly, no man will have me. Thanks mum. FML

#15620
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28949) - you deserved it (5241)

On 02/08/2009 at 7:01pm - misc - by lil_munchkinjen (woman) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, I got a few notes from this girl I like at school for 2 years telling me she feels the same way. My dad knocks on the door and I panic and say "Hold on!". I shoved them under my pillow then told him to come in. He said "Son, it's perfectly normal to masturbate." FML

#14349
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30928) - you deserved it (10156)

On 02/08/2009 at 12:35am - misc - by Misunderstood (man) - United Kingdom (Leicester)

Today, I went looking for a childhood doll - I remembered that my mum kept her in her bedside cabinet. I could see the doll at the back, but there was stuff in the way, so I reached in and took some of it out, only to find I was holding one of my mum's toys... a big black rubber cock. FML

#13590
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27209) - you deserved it (5914)

On 02/07/2009 at 4:16pm - misc - by J (woman) - United Kingdom (Stockport)

Today, my mother called to say that my 11 year old nephew found my secret stash of nipple tassles, furry hand cuffs, and a bottle of lube. He doesn't want to visit me anymore. FML

#5874
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10138) - you deserved it (27417)

On 02/03/2009 at 1:51am - kids - by peneloperigby (woman) - United Kingdom (Belfast)

Today, I came home early from work and discovered my husband wearing a black babydoll nightdress, black stockings and high heels... He says it helps him to relax. FML

#5105
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33175) - you deserved it (2583)

On 02/02/2009 at 4:29am - misc - by a268 - United Kingdom (Edinburgh)

Today, I walked in on my Mum and Dad having sex and didn't even realize what they were doing until she shouted at him to go harder. FML

#4715
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42057) - you deserved it (5157)

On 02/01/2009 at 12:38pm - intimacy - by Bear - United Kingdom (Reading)

Today, I masturbated 3 times to the thought of my wife because we don't have sex anymore. FML

#4484
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62553) - you deserved it (7367)

On 02/01/2009 at 5:27am - intimacy - by SuperJesus - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: