FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I found out that I'm named after my dad's favourite drink. FML

by Anonymous / 05/21/2010 at 8:07am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I was forced to spend three hours looking at a fat guy's butt crack, seated directly in front of me in an exam. I'm pretty sure it lowered my grade. FML

by Anonymous / 05/19/2010 at 1:03pm / United Kingdom (Norfolk) / Miscellaneous

Today, I accidentally stapled my finger to a piece of paper. It hurt, but I took it out and went to restaple it. I did it again. FML

by Staples / 05/15/2010 at 2:21am / United Kingdom / Geek

Today, I decided to go on a diet to lose some weight before summer. This was followed by the arrival of a giant parcel full of candy from my mother. FML

by nick / 05/12/2010 at 5:49am / United Kingdom (London) / Health

Today, if it wasn't already embarrassing enough to tell my boyfriend I was on my period, I had to explain what a period is in the first place, how it works, and why it means nothing can happen during that time of the month. He's twenty. FML

by Anonymous / 05/09/2010 at 12:29pm / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy

Today, I realized that my new boyfriend only showers about once every ten days, and to get him to shower more often I have to bribe him with oral sex. FML

by Anonymous / 03/19/2010 at 6:05am / United Kingdom (Wakefield) / Intimacy

Today, the love of my life sent me a text saying "touch my pork". Somehow I don't think my feelings are mutual. FML

by burgeee / 03/18/2010 at 6:24am / United Kingdom (Bristol) / Intimacy

Today, I had my wisdom teeth removed. The sympathetic words from my boyfriend asked if this meant I could open my mouth a bit wider for him now. FML

by smiler / 03/17/2010 at 12:59pm / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy

Today, I bullied a kid at school, just so someone would talk to me. FML

by Kid / 03/17/2010 at 5:22am / United Kingdom (London) / Kids

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend since I believed him to be cheating on me with another woman, something he adamantly denied. I went to his house to get all my stuff back. After I left, I discovered a silk thong that definitely did not belong to me, in amongst my clothes. FML

by Busted / 03/16/2010 at 2:35pm / United Kingdom / Love

Today, I fell in a river with a £700 camera, a £200 lens, and an iPhone while trying to rescue a 50 pence ball for my dog. FML

by Rick / 03/14/2010 at 9:36am / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Money

Today, I was sitting on the toilet when I felt something brush my shoulder. I turned around in fright, and one of my bum cheeks slipped off the seat and into the toilet, making me fall sideways and hit my face on the toilet roll holder. I now have a black eye. It was my hair on my shoulder. FML

by Hatty / 03/14/2010 at 6:50am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that I'm so bored of my relationship with my girlfriend, I'd rather make sure I don't break the springs in my bed than make love to her. FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2010 at 5:57am / United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne) / Intimacy