FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, it's my Nana's birthday and to say she is having a good time is an understatement. She's so drunk, she took out her false teeth tried to put them in her dog's mouth. When she failed, she tried the cat's. FML

by Cat / 06/13/2010 at 10:36am / United Kingdom (Kirklees) / Miscellaneous

Today, my siblings overpowered me and duct taped me to a chair. Helpless, I had to wait until my dad got home so he could help me. Instead, the first thing he did was reach for his camera to take a picture. FML

by kingwalrus / 06/12/2010 at 2:55pm / United Kingdom (Warwickshire) / Kids

Today, I was at the airport baggage collection when I saw an old man struggling to get his very old and heavy suitcase off the belt before giving up. I had already collected my bag, but wanting to be helpful, the old man watched me as I grabbed his handle, yanked and snapped it clean off. FML

by cheekymac / 06/09/2010 at 11:13am / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Miscellaneous

Today, my cat knocked over a cup of scalding hot tea - but don't worry, the carpet wasn't damaged. It went all over my leg instead leaving a nice big scar for my holiday. FML

by Rach / 06/08/2010 at 10:24am / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Health

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about our past relationships. He told me that he broke up with his last girlfriend because she was smart and he suited someone who was quite stupid. He then went on to say that I was perfect for him. FML

by Mandy / 06/07/2010 at 3:27pm / United Kingdom (Havering) / Love

Today, I found out my boyfriend keeps a gun under his pillow. This was only after my friends and I surprised him with his birthday cake while he was sleeping. FML

by Anonymous / 06/03/2010 at 8:23am / United Kingdom / Love

Today, after staying at my boyfriend's house for the first time, I got in the shower. His bathroom door doesn't lock, so half way through my shower he walked in. Trying to be sexy, I pressed myself up against the glass, which turned out the be a door that opens outwards. I fell on the floor. FML

by elevenharries / 06/03/2010 at 4:54am / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, I got a huge bill through the post. It turns out that my elderly mother made the vet come out to my house to see the dog while I was out, because she was scared of the little growths she had found on his body. They were nipples. FML

by dogshavenipples / 06/02/2010 at 7:15pm / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Money

Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was finally time for both of us to have sex with each other. He kept his shoes on the whole time because he thought he had smelly feet. FML

by smellyfeet / 06/01/2010 at 12:19pm / United Kingdom (Wolverhampton) / Intimacy

Today, I went to the supermarket; it was taking me ages to walk home because of the heavy food bags. Halfway home, I realised I had gone in my car. I had to walk all the way back to get my car. FML

by Lou / 06/01/2010 at 11:59am / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Transportation

Today, I had a dream I was going the bathroom. I then woke up peeing, but I didn’t wet the bed yet. As I ran to the bathroom while half asleep and in the dark, I rammed into the wall. On my way back to bed, I tripped and accidentally slapped my fiancé in an effort to stop myself from falling over. FML

by Fark / 05/27/2010 at 6:50pm / United Kingdom (Cumbria) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend actually walked into a door and gave herself a black eye. She's too embarrassed to admit it, so she's telling everyone I beat her. FML

by DHarman / 05/25/2010 at 7:06pm / United Kingdom / Love

Today, I found out that I'm named after my dad's favourite drink. FML

by Anonymous / 05/21/2010 at 8:07am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous