FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I was babysitting for my mum's friend. I put her little boy on my knee, and he kept pulling at my top. I asked him "are you hungry?" He replied "No, I want to see your titties." FML

by Embarressed... / 08/04/2010 at 6:25am / United Kingdom (Derbyshire) / Intimacy

Today, I had to moisturise my dog's testicles because they got sunburnt. FML

by Anonymous / 08/04/2010 at 6:24am / United Kingdom (London) / Animals

Today, I start work in an office, with my mother. FML

by Anonymous / 08/03/2010 at 2:17am / United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire) / Work

Today, my boyfriend decided that a good time to have our first kiss was on a roller-coaster, right before a huge drop. He bit through my lip. FML

by jacobscrackers / 08/01/2010 at 2:06pm / United Kingdom (Bracknell Forest) / Love

Today, I went to bed with three hot, half-naked girls beneath me. I was in the bunk above. Alone. FML

by lonelyguy321 / 07/27/2010 at 10:43am / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Intimacy

Today, I was helping a friend move. Before we arrived, he put his key on my key ring to keep it safe. When we got there, he promptly shoved my front door key into the lock and snapped it clean off. Not only can we not get into his house, but now I can't get back into mine. FML

by Luke / 07/25/2010 at 6:47pm / United Kingdom (Kent) / Miscellaneous

Today, while getting a lump in my private region examined by a very cute nurse, I got a massive erection. The smartest thing I could think to say at the time to her was: "I haven't been touched there in a very long time." FML

by Anonymous / 07/22/2010 at 8:39pm / United Kingdom (Gloucestershire) / Intimacy

Today, I lifted up my blinds, only for them to detach from the wall, hit me on the head, knock a pile of paper over, spill a can of Pepsi, leave plaster all over the floor and a gaping hole in the wall above my window. FML

by Elliot / 07/22/2010 at 11:10am / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I cycled past a group of middle school kids. They decided that they should all start shouting "FAT ALERT" while ringing the bells on their bikes. FML

by fattysonparade / 07/20/2010 at 9:57pm / United Kingdom (Essex) / Health

Today, I took my driving test for the first time. The instructor stopped it after less than ten minutes, and insisted she drive back to the test centre "in the interest of public safety." FML

by Speedy / 07/20/2010 at 9:33am / United Kingdom (Durham) / Transportation

Today, while driving through town, I was distracted by a pretty girl walking on the nearby pavement and accidentally rear-ended the car in front of me. Not only did the pretty girl witness the crash and give a statement, it turned out she was a very feminine man. FML

by Anonymous / 07/20/2010 at 6:12am / United Kingdom (Gloucestershire) / Transportation

Today, my husband fell asleep for two hours at a dinner party. We were the hosts. FML

by wideawake / 07/19/2010 at 4:34am / United Kingdom (London) / Love

Today, I got my sister to pluck my eyebrows. She shaped them wrong, so now I look constantly sad. FML

by OhNo / 07/13/2010 at 11:02am / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Miscellaneous