Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I came across a street musician. He looked extremely well-fed already, but his music was pretty good, so I gave him some spare change. As soon as I turned away, he started screaming at me for being "cheap", and chased me half a block before running out of breath. FML

#21127357
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37613) - you deserved it (3876)

On 04/30/2014 at 6:25pm - money - by Anonymous Pillock (man) - United Kingdom

Today, while at a restaurant with my husband for our 4-year anniversary, he kept behaving strangely, breathing deeply and eventually sighing happily. I thought the wine had just gone to his head. Nope; he proudly admitted later that he'd jerked off without anyone noticing, even me. FML

#21126320
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43694) - you deserved it (4990)

On 04/29/2014 at 2:48pm - misc - by god (woman) - United Kingdom (West Lothian)

Today, I had to take an urgent dump at work. I noticed too late there was no toilet paper left, so I had to risk doing a quick "pants around the knees" shuffle to the next stall. I locked eyes with the window cleaner at the same time I heard someone enter from behind me. FML

#21123743
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40132) - you deserved it (6733)

On 04/26/2014 at 7:29pm - work - by caught out - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, an angry customer threw her sticky toffee pudding at the wall and pointed out that because it didn't stick, it was not really a "sticky" toffee pudding, and that she'd been mislead. FML

#21123022
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36264) - you deserved it (2966)

On 04/25/2014 at 9:21pm - work - by stickyservice (woman) - United Kingdom (Solihull)

Today, I got my car cleaned. As I drove home, the passenger of the van in front of me vomited out the window. The vomit sailed back and splattered all over the front of my car. A waste of £10 and a mental image that will never go away. FML

#21121715
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36830) - you deserved it (3045)

On 04/24/2014 at 11:35am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Angus)

Today, I was on the London underground reading a newspaper. A huge guy was sitting next to me and there weren't many other people around. As I turned a page, he leaned into me, glaring, and said, "I'm not finished yet". At the next stop I put down the paper and jumped off. It wasn't even my stop. FML

#21121256
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34783) - you deserved it (4869)

On 04/23/2014 at 10:21pm - misc - by Quackadoodledoo (man) - United Kingdom (Barnet)

Today, I joked to a client that every time I see his name, I start singing the song 'Dr Jones' by Aqua. He looked blankly at me, so I broke into song, 'Dr Jones, Dr Jones, calling Dr Jones... ' He still looked blankly, but now also utterly horrified, as were the rest of the waiting room. FML

#21119159
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32342) - you deserved it (10421)

On 04/21/2014 at 5:26pm - work - by banana_tree - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that even though my girlfriend of 3 years believes sex before marriage or even me just jacking off is a big no, doing online strip-shows for money is a big yes for her. Both times that I've proposed, she claimed she isn't "ready" for marriage. FML

#21118108
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45274) - you deserved it (8881)

On 04/20/2014 at 1:58pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Wigan)

Today, my crazily elitist parents were so desperate to get me to dump my fiancé that they threatened to divorce if I didn't. When I told them to go ahead, they bitched me out for being disrespectful. FML

#21117173
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45062) - you deserved it (3845)

On 04/19/2014 at 1:25pm - love - by reb (woman) - United Kingdom (Ealing)

Today, I went to a restaurant for a friend's birthday. There were two very attractive waiters. They waited until I went to the toilet to sit down, talk to my friends and hit on them. They promptly left upon my return. Men avoid me. FML

Today, I was looking at the map on my phone whilst walking down a street. I heard the sound of a bike behind me so I moved to let the cyclist past. He snatched the phone out of my hand and sped off. FML

#21113059
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37973) - you deserved it (4822)

On 04/14/2014 at 7:43pm - misc - by stupidcunt (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, my dad found out that I'm a member on a bodybuilding forum and decided to join it too. It's only been a few hours, but he's already told everyone that he's my dad, posted that I'm a "total pussy in real life", and questioned my sexuality. Thanks. FML

#21112140
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41147) - you deserved it (4759)

On 04/13/2014 at 6:16pm - misc - by -.- - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, the guy I live with demanded that I get a job or start paying rent. It'd be perfectly reasonable, if he wasn't my husband, and if I hadn't just given birth to our first child. FML

#21110568
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48344) - you deserved it (5463)

On 04/11/2014 at 7:49pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Bristol, City of)



Idan Schneider's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Best of the Worst #11
  • Yes, we're late. We've been doing stuff, the New Year and our birthday party got in the way, but there's no excuse. So, we're sorry for not churning out another Best of the Worst in due…

Wednesday 28 January 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: