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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I learned that a spontaneous romantic gesture of arriving home early with flowers and wine is not welcome when your wife is busy having sex with your brother. FML

#4306475
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (116283) - you deserved it (4591)

On 08/05/2009 at 11:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, while visiting family in the Czech Republic, I was told on two separate occasions that I looked like a Czech TV star. Flattered, I asked what the TV show was called. Turns out there's a Czech version of 'Ugly Betty'. FML

#4278303
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35862) - you deserved it (3130)

On 08/04/2009 at 9:19am - misc - by CzechMeOut (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, after 3 long hours of mowing the lawn with a rusty lawn mower, my dad finally decided to tell me that he didn't get any money out to pay me with. The reason? He didn't think girls could mow a lawn and was expecting me to give up. FML

Today, I discovered that I have developed an allergy to salt water on my face. Now, every time I sweat or cry, I come up in a bright red rash. I am allergic to my own bodily fluids. FML

#4226851
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60221) - you deserved it (3119)

On 08/02/2009 at 8:45am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, it's my first wedding anniversary, or Paper anniversary. I got him airline tickets for an expensive weekend break for two in Berlin. He got me a toilet roll. FML

#4175008
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40536) - you deserved it (4450)

On 07/31/2009 at 3:03am - love - by Andrexwife (woman) - United Kingdom (St. Helens)

Today, I was riding my motorcycle when I saw my cheating ex-wife walking down the road. Out of anger, I spat my gum at her. I forgot that my helmet's visor was still down, so when I spat, the gum stuck against it. I was temporarily blinded and I crashed into some bushes. FML

#4142743
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11907) - you deserved it (70047)

On 07/29/2009 at 8:14pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, everyone at work commented on how much better my new haircut looked and how I should keep styling it this way as it's such an improvement over my old style. I was late for work this morning. My new hair style was Bed hair that I didn't have time to sort out... FML

#4109863
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33364) - you deserved it (7419)

On 07/28/2009 at 3:41pm - work - by Tooks (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my dad asked me if i started smoking, I gave him a big speech about how I never have and never will. Two hours later he finds my stash of cigarettes under my bed. FML

#4092385
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7694) - you deserved it (120858)

On 07/27/2009 at 10:42pm - misc - by bbbeast (man) - United Kingdom (Kirklees)

Today, to cheer my girlfriend up after her mother died a week ago, I took her to a comedy club. The comedian's theme for the night happened to be mother-daughter relationships. FML

#4087171
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56048) - you deserved it (7193)

On 07/27/2009 at 7:33pm - love - by RupeeLink - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, I was babysitting some kids and helping them make a poster about insects. They couldn't think of any more insects to add so I suggested a spider, and got told to "not be a dumbass, spiders aren't insects they're arachnids." The girl is six. FML

#4079125
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17455) - you deserved it (50623)

On 07/27/2009 at 12:52pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I bust my lip when a car bumped into mine. As I headed home, I was stopped by the police who told me my back light was out. I tried to explain, but it just came out as "fghjiljh" because of my lip. I was arrested on suspicion of drinking and driving. FML

#3983429
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46787) - you deserved it (3622)

On 07/23/2009 at 5:19pm - misc - by Gg (man) - United Kingdom (Bradford)

Today, for our one year anniversary, my boyfriend decided to make me a patchwork blanket. The thing is, the patches were stains from bedsheets from where the 'wet spot' was. He thought it was romantic. FML

#3960027
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49532) - you deserved it (5425)

On 07/22/2009 at 7:35pm - love - by OneYearMistake. (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I was telling my dad about plans to go out late for a few drinks next week. My dad started his usual "YOU COULD GET RAPED!" lecture, before my brother sprang to my defence, "It's not like she's what they're after, is she?" Apparently, rapists are out of my league. FML

#3880719
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43812) - you deserved it (4458)

On 07/19/2009 at 1:11pm - misc - by adalia (woman) - United Kingdom (Barnsley)



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