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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I had organised to go for an all day fishing trip, but had forgotten to book a day off. I called my boss and told him that I had to stay with my mum in hospital after a car crash that she had last night. He called me a liar and fired me. Turns out my mum is having an affair with my boss. FML

#2008725
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61374) - you deserved it (18238)

On 05/17/2009 at 7:32am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I was sitting next to this really cute guy in choir class. Trying to make conversation, I asked him what his favorite song was. He replied "Leave Me Alone". I asked him who it was by and he said, "It's not a song, I just want you to leave me alone". FML

#1963959
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28162) - you deserved it (8122)

On 05/15/2009 at 2:35pm - misc - by jayden5 (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, while checking through the graphic novel section of my library, I noticed a gay manga porn comic. While I was wondering who in the world would ever RENT such an item, I realised I had been staring at it for a full five minutes and people were watching me. FML

#1958510
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16135) - you deserved it (55974)

On 05/15/2009 at 7:07am - intimacy - by dwek (man) - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, we were running late for school so my mum shouted at me to hurry up and get in the car. I put my school bags in the boot of the car and my mum drove off. It wasn't until she got to my school and told me to get out that she realised I wasn't there. FML

#1898485
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51863) - you deserved it (3613)

On 05/13/2009 at 8:36am - misc - by albert (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I woke up really early before my mom so I could make pancakes for mother's day. I placed everything on a tray and even picked a flower, had a card for her and took it to her bedroom. She said "You shouldn't have, pancakes are fattening." She took one bite and fed the rest to the dogs. FML

#1807099
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62398) - you deserved it (3693)

On 05/10/2009 at 8:36am - love - by Anon (woman) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, I got a new comfy duvet and pillow and was looking forward to a good night's sleep. I got into bed and was followed by my dog, who then threw up the tub of butter he had just stolen from the kitchen onto my brand new bed spread. FML

#1782445
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42079) - you deserved it (4669)

On 05/09/2009 at 4:11pm - animals - by jonboy (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I had a massive argument with my boyfriend in which he called me stupid repeatedly. I stomped out of his house and sent a very angry text to my best friend about him. She didn't text back. Then my boyfriend texted. 'My girlfriend is so stupid she can't even text the right number.' FML

#1775796
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17380) - you deserved it (70645)

On 05/09/2009 at 11:48am - love - by rawkdinosawr (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I got into my driving instructors car for my first lesson. He looked at me, then said, "I'm sorry, but I wasn't told about your disabilities, what do you have?" I'm not disabled. FML

#1694606
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57533) - you deserved it (3198)

On 05/06/2009 at 4:09pm - misc - by wow. (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my 3 year old nephew was sitting on my knee at the computer. He was annoying me as he kept on pressing all the buttons. To scare him off I did a creepy voice in his ear that makes him cry. He turned round and broke my nose. FML

#1690267
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14374) - you deserved it (76882)

On 05/06/2009 at 1:04pm - misc - by ElamentalAngel - United Kingdom

Today, I was taking a piss at the urinal when a fly started buzzing around my head. It started getting in my face, so I tried to swat it away. After about 10 seconds of intense swatting, I looked down to find I had pissed all over my shoes and down the front of my trousers. FML

#1687586
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13478) - you deserved it (56253)

On 05/06/2009 at 10:07am - animals - by pissedoffandon (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, it's my wedding day. It was meant to be perfect. The bouquet, along with a high pollen count, set my hay fever off. I walked down the aisle in front of 200 people with streaming eyes and a runny nose; I then had a sneezing fit during my vows and blew a large snot bubble. Real attractive. FML

#1602310
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62195) - you deserved it (7086)

On 05/03/2009 at 6:16pm - health - by Cherub (woman) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, my alarm went off at 6.30. I woke up disorientated, as usual. I looked up and saw a dark, mysterious figure entering my room. Still half asleep, I screamed and dived under my covers. The dark, mysterious figure was my mom. I'm a 21 year old guy. FML

#1564480
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18338) - you deserved it (42439)

On 05/02/2009 at 4:44pm - misc - by screamo (man) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, I was pissed off. I kicked a soccer ball into my wall, and it bounced back, hit my head and knocked me into the wall behind me. My head hurts like hell. Even inanimate objects hate me. FML

#1448827
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16512) - you deserved it (57992)

On 04/29/2009 at 3:19am - misc - by Cammy (man) - United Kingdom (Edinburgh)



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