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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I was wearing a new 500 dollar dress on a crowded train. I looked great and I could feel the eyes on me. A cute guy then offered me his seat, only boosting my confidence more until he said "for you and the baby," pointing at a bump in my dress. I'm not pregnant and wasted 500 dollars. FML

#994707
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47830) - you deserved it (24711)

On 04/15/2009 at 4:14pm - misc - by notpreggers - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my boyfriend of 17 months, the first guy to tell me he loves me, the guy I lost my virginity to, the only guy whose parents I've met, told me we should stop 'hooking up' because it's weird that I was telling everyone we were a couple and it was ruining his chances of finding a girlfriend. FML

Today, I was going on holiday. As I was checking in my bags, I said to the really cute steward, "I think I'm overweight." He told me about discounts for customers of 'larger proportions.' I was talking about my suitcase being overweight. FML

#832595
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50463) - you deserved it (15848)

On 04/06/2009 at 9:39am - health - by blahbags (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I got my long hair cut in a short pixie cut. When my five year old daughter saw me she laughed and proclaimed 'You look just like a man!'. That afternoon I got a concerned call from the school. My daughter has told everyone 'mummy has gone away, I now have two daddies!' FML

#765462
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65398) - you deserved it (7338)

On 04/02/2009 at 12:14pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Edinburgh)

Today, I was on MSN with my friend and my 9 year old brother. My friend asked me for some advice about how to give a guy a good blowjob. I went into great detail, and then realised that I had typed it to the wrong window. I gave my little brother tips on how to perform fellatio. FML

#764991
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23064) - you deserved it (104244)

On 04/02/2009 at 11:34am - intimacy - by imsorrytimmy (woman) - United Kingdom (Wolverhampton)

Today, I repaired a boiler for a wealthy guy in a big house. While there, I fixed a leaking tap for free. When I went to go, the man slipped something into my shirt pocket and said "have a drink on me." When I got to my truck, I discovered that he'd given me a tea bag. FML

#598491
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68131) - you deserved it (5020)

On 03/25/2009 at 12:33pm - misc - by toast - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, after a hard day's work and emotional argument with my best friend, I sent my boyfriend a text telling him how much I loved him and cherished him in the hopes he would cheer me up with a romantic reply. He said "Sorry, I've only got 8 texts left." FML

#515766
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49277) - you deserved it (5857)

On 03/21/2009 at 7:04pm - love - by Gutted. (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I received an e-mail from the girls at work. It was an invite to lunch but it said, "Lunch today at Camber's, PLEASE don't tell Francoise, I don't think any of us can take any more of her!" I'm Francoise. FML

#436130
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76849) - you deserved it (17048)

On 03/18/2009 at 9:02am - work - by Francoise3 (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my boyfriend of over a year and I were discussing how neither of us is the other's usual 'type'. I explained that I usually go for insular asshole types and then asked him what made me different from his usual choices. He said 'Oh, well, I usually go for the attractive ones.' FML

#436002
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64133) - you deserved it (10085)

On 03/18/2009 at 8:35am - misc - by aphre - United Kingdom (North Down)

Today, I gave myself a facial with one of those masks you leave on for a while. I busied myself by tidying my room while it dried and eventually forgot all about it. I finally remembered about it after I answered the door to the postman. Not embarassing enough? I'm a guy. FML

#318260
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24862) - you deserved it (59796)

On 03/14/2009 at 7:36am - misc - by skc (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I was writing a very important email to my college professor. I went upstairs for something and came back down to send it. I later asked him today why he hadn't responded to which he said "I'm flattered...but can't." My roommate had added "love you xxx" at the end of the email. FML

#315906
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52688) - you deserved it (6863)

On 03/14/2009 at 1:27am - misc - by dntstopmenow (woman) - United Kingdom (Belfast)

Today, I went on a run with this cute guy I know. I was sweating untractively and profusely so I decided to discretly grab a leaf from a tree and wipe my face with it. A bird had done the same with his ass few minutes ago. FML

#261898
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37183) - you deserved it (27027)

On 03/10/2009 at 4:42pm - animals - by broussimousse - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was sitting in Science class and to my surprise I felt my pants suddenly becoming warm and wet. I looked behind me to see that 4 boys from my class had inserted a small funnel into my exposed buttcrack and where pouring the melted butter from the experiment into that area. FML

#260451
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82668) - you deserved it (24313)

On 03/10/2009 at 1:13pm - misc - by Sarah - United Kingdom (Bolton)



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