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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, after playing in an online casino, I won £200. Being pretty tight for cash at the moment I was pretty excited. I then tried to withdraw it to be told that I can't have a penny of it because I didn't register my card details first. FML

#3333689
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16056) - you deserved it (36961)

On 06/29/2009 at 10:30am - money - by Jeepers (man) - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, My 5 year old sister informed me she had left me a present in my bed. She had tied a ribbon around a dead rat's neck and propped it up on my pillow. The label says his name was Bert. FML

#3237157
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40866) - you deserved it (2531)

On 06/26/2009 at 10:20am - misc - by toothfairy (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, at work, someone heard me throw up. I then got called aside and told being hungover at work is unacceptable. I don't drink. I'm pregnant. FML

#3208136
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57584) - you deserved it (3287)

On 06/25/2009 at 6:29pm - work - by dazedandconfused (woman) - United Kingdom (Harrow)

Today, I was shopping for my little sister's birthday. She loves manga. I've never read manga, so I bought a couple of novels from the "popular" shelf. Turns out if they have white covers it means they are "adult" books. I bought my sister a "lolicon" manga - filled with prebuscent naked girls. FML

#3097066
258 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34902) - you deserved it (20039)

On 06/21/2009 at 6:10pm - kids - by loli-conned (man) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I spilt purple washing detergent all over my white carpet. Desperate to get it up I grabbed a blue towel and started mopping it up. The detergent hasn't stained the carpet at all, the blue dye from the towel has. FML

#3089215
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18626) - you deserved it (30879)

On 06/21/2009 at 12:20pm - misc - by carpetoops (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was mugged on my way to the bus stop. With no money or mobile I started to panic about the exam I had and ran the 3.5 miles to get to there. When I staggered up to the building only 20mins after the exam started, the university staff wouldn't let me sit it as I couldn't prove my identity. FML

#3022587
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53424) - you deserved it (2535)

On 06/19/2009 at 4:22am - misc - by verrine - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I was browsing my computer to find naked pictures of my ex-girlfriend. I decided it'd be funny to photoshop a penis onto one of the pictures. I'm straight and the new picture turned me on more than before. FML

#3007389
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11782) - you deserved it (59190)

On 06/18/2009 at 7:39pm - love - by AlexK (man) - United Kingdom (West Sussex)

Today, I decided to use fake tan, seeing as I am so pale. Everywhere I have been today, I have had children behind me. Singing the Oompa Loompa song. FML

#2991073
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13439) - you deserved it (56603)

On 06/18/2009 at 9:32am - misc - by OompaLoompa (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, we were having a school prize giving. I heard my name called and I walked up to the stage waving and smiling, feeling rather proud of myself. I stood by the microphone and started my acceptance speech, only to be tapped on the shoulder by the girl they actually called up. FML

#2990758
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20108) - you deserved it (42629)

On 06/18/2009 at 9:05am - misc - by Jessey (woman) - United Kingdom (Swindon)

Today, I asked my Swedish friend for some lines to impress this swedish girl I met at an expat party he took me to. I practised them all evening before I met her. I told her my feelings, and she scowled. Apparently I had wished the devil upon her - after asking if i could ejaculate on her face. FML

#2964628
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48834) - you deserved it (20771)

On 06/17/2009 at 10:57am - intimacy - by Dirtyswede (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I walked past a building site near my house, there was a sign saying "WARNING - Beware of the scaffolding". I started laughing at the stupidity of the sign, and walked straight into a metal pole. FML

#2963436
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6683) - you deserved it (52797)

On 06/17/2009 at 9:40am - misc - by jonnyc - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I had a horrible day at work, came home early and burst into tears as soon as I was in the door. I curled up on the sofa, still bawling, and my cat came over and jumped up for a cuddle. I gave her a hug and she threw up down my back. FML

#2912753
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44932) - you deserved it (4172)

On 06/15/2009 at 2:11pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I went over to my boyfriends house with a few people. I drank too much wine and later when everyone else left I gave him head, deepthroating a little too enthusiastically, and puked all over his cock and bedsheets. Turns out, washing vomit out of your pubes kills the mood somewhat. FML

#2881257
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10986) - you deserved it (54780)

On 06/14/2009 at 9:08am - intimacy - by ohdeardarling (woman) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)



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