Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it. He said, "I don't know what you're talking about, Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML

#159600
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (1097471) - you deserved it (108918)

On 02/28/2009 at 6:10am - love - by thatsucks (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, I went round to my Grandparents' to help set up their new Satellite TV. When I turned it on, for some reason it defaulted to "Arab Babes TV". I was therefore inadvertently responsible for the broadcast of porn in my Grandparents' living room. FML

#106107
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29420) - you deserved it (3901)

On 02/22/2009 at 5:55pm - misc - by Hello my name is (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted me to be her first and last...with plenty of people in between. FML

#102962
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59530) - you deserved it (4733)

On 02/22/2009 at 10:10am - intimacy - by Charles (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I was doing my usual routine at the gym which consists of working out on the treadmills right in front of my ex boyfriend to make him feel bad. Whilst doing this, I tried to be cool and do that thing where as the treadmill slows down you turn around and just walk off the end. I fell. FML

#94773
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8083) - you deserved it (57867)

On 02/21/2009 at 4:35am - love - by notsosexygirl (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, while at work I was reading "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" to me class of 5 year olds. I got near the end of the book and said "Look at the big fat caterpillar" to which one of my pupils replied "Just like you, Miss!" FML

#55893
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31977) - you deserved it (4327)

On 02/16/2009 at 8:11pm - kids - by Lesley (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, as I was getting dressed after having sex with a guy I like, he told me I looked better with my clothes on. FML

#37310
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39030) - you deserved it (4636)

On 02/13/2009 at 2:24pm - intimacy - by kiwi (woman) - United Kingdom (Sheffield)

Today, it was my first day working at a milking parlor. As I crouched behind a cow to put on an udder cluster, I looked up and gasped just in time for the cow to crap on my face. FML

#35996
10 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39264) - you deserved it (5914)

On 02/13/2009 at 7:42am - animals - by abi_vet_student (woman) - United Kingdom (Edinburgh)

Today, I gave my girlfriend a new TV as a 10th anniversary present. She gave me a torch on a keyring. FML

#35828
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27288) - you deserved it (5649)

On 02/13/2009 at 4:46am - misc - by Tamps (man) - United Kingdom (Liverpool)

Today, I found out my teacher writes descriptions next to people's names on the register to remind him who people were. By mistake the descriptions appeared on the computer projector. Next to my name it said "Tubby". FML

#30377
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37414) - you deserved it (4489)

On 02/12/2009 at 8:37am - misc - by atterz123 (man) - United Kingdom (Lincolnshire)

Today, having just told me what a great job I've been doing and how he'd really like to start giving me some more responsibility, my boss asked me if I'd sharpen a couple of pencils for him. FML

#24601
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25697) - you deserved it (2101)

On 02/11/2009 at 9:08am - misc - by Killmenow (woman) - United Kingdom (Bedfordshire)

Today, I accidentally kicked a child down a set of steps. I work in a kids play area. FML

#24461
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12842) - you deserved it (25084)

On 02/11/2009 at 6:59am - misc - by Crog (man) - United Kingdom (Monmouthshire)

Today, my husband found the box my morning after pill came in. He had a vasectomy 10 years ago. FML

#18272
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29226) - you deserved it (420589)

On 02/09/2009 at 7:46pm - intimacy - by apricot (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, my mum decided that me being bisexual meant that I was "deciding whether or not to be a lesbian" because supposedly, no man will have me. Thanks mum. FML

#15620
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24201) - you deserved it (4545)

On 02/08/2009 at 7:01pm - misc - by lil_munchkinjen (woman) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: