FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I met my father for the first time since I was a baby. The first comment out of his mouth was, "I bet all the boys love those motherfucking bazongas, don't they?" Hi, Dad. FML

by Anonymous / 12/30/2010 at 2:23pm / United Kingdom (York) / Intimacy

Today, my friend commented on my short skirt and, thinking she was being funny, tried to pull it down. I quickly moved away, causing it to come off in her hands. My shocked scream attracted the attention of at least a dozen bystanders. FML

by glam300 / 12/30/2010 at 1:21pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I caught my mom trying to get secretly smashed out of her brain-box on booze at 8:00am. FML

by Anonymous / 12/30/2010 at 12:08am / United Kingdom / Health

Today, I found out that when I thought the bullying had finally stopped, the bullies had actually been sponsored to be nice for charity. FML

by Anonymous / 12/29/2010 at 8:19am / United Kingdom (Northamptonshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on a crowded bus on the way back from my boyfriend's when I suddenly had a terrible nose bleed. I had no tissues, so instead I had to use last night's underwear from my bag. FML

by Anonymous / 12/28/2010 at 5:47am / United Kingdom (London) / Health

Today, I discovered that my girlfriend of two years has been cheating on me for over five months, including while I was deployed to Afghanistan. FML

by Anonymous / 12/27/2010 at 1:21pm / United Kingdom (London) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out apparently I sleep walk. My boyfriend has been filming me and uploading it all to Youtube. FML

by Anonymous / 12/27/2010 at 12:11pm / United Kingdom (Derbyshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried to contact my birth mother, who abandoned me when I was three weeks old. After months of tracing, I finally plucked up the courage to call her. She told me to "f*ck off and die". FML

by unfortunategeek / 12/23/2010 at 11:13am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I was waiting for my food at McDonald's. I watched the most obese, sweaty man sneeze into the chips, wipe his nose on his hand and use his hand to shovel chips into a bag. They were my chips. FML

by Anonymous / 12/22/2010 at 11:28am / United Kingdom (North Yorkshire) / Health

Today, the highlight of my day was someone prank-calling me. FML

by Anonymous / 12/22/2010 at 11:19am / United Kingdom (Barnsley) / Miscellaneous

Today, I looked deep into my wife's eyes and told her how much I loved her and how much she meant to me. Her reply was "Clean your glasses." FML

by Anonymous / 12/21/2010 at 12:25pm / United Kingdom / Love

Today, my 14 year-old son sent a broadcast on my blackberry saying ''I'm a young gay man looking for some fun!'' to all my contacts as a joke. What he didn't know was that it's my work phone. FML

by Anonymous / 12/21/2010 at 11:18am / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy

Today, it was my first day on a £600 a week job. I was fired for being 10 minutes late. FML

by Chloe / 12/20/2010 at 1:08pm / United Kingdom (London) / Work