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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I finished a ballet class with a group of seven-and-unders. Afterwards, a new student's mother came up to me and thanked me, saying she was glad that her daughter had a "role model with a, ahem, fuller figure" and "not to worry about my weight." I have never thought I was fat before. FML

#4356276
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42242) - you deserved it (3355)

On 08/07/2009 at 5:18am - misc - by Jessika (woman) - United Kingdom (Sunderland)

Today, I was playing songs at a funeral in my church. As the organ wasn't in tune I had to use an electronic piano instead. All was going well until in the end of a speech, I accidentally hit the 'demo' button. None of the grieving relatives were impressed by my drum beats and turntable scratches. FML

#4344107
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38431) - you deserved it (6672)

On 08/06/2009 at 8:22pm - work - by Jacky-Boy (man) - United Kingdom (Liverpool)

Today, after being supportive for nearly a year, my brother finally came out of the closet and introduced the family to his new boyfriend. His new boyfriend happens to be my ex-boyfriend. Guess I know why that didn't work out now. FML

#4338265
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48874) - you deserved it (4029)

On 08/06/2009 at 4:01pm - misc - by tryingnottocare (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I learned that a spontaneous romantic gesture of arriving home early with flowers and wine is not welcome when your wife is busy having sex with your brother. FML

#4306475
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (115778) - you deserved it (4576)

On 08/05/2009 at 11:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, while visiting family in the Czech Republic, I was told on two separate occasions that I looked like a Czech TV star. Flattered, I asked what the TV show was called. Turns out there's a Czech version of 'Ugly Betty'. FML

#4278303
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35763) - you deserved it (3124)

On 08/04/2009 at 9:19am - misc - by CzechMeOut (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, after 3 long hours of mowing the lawn with a rusty lawn mower, my dad finally decided to tell me that he didn't get any money out to pay me with. The reason? He didn't think girls could mow a lawn and was expecting me to give up. FML

Today, I discovered that I have developed an allergy to salt water on my face. Now, every time I sweat or cry, I come up in a bright red rash. I am allergic to my own bodily fluids. FML

#4226851
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60071) - you deserved it (3110)

On 08/02/2009 at 8:45am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, it's my first wedding anniversary, or Paper anniversary. I got him airline tickets for an expensive weekend break for two in Berlin. He got me a toilet roll. FML

#4175008
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40422) - you deserved it (4439)

On 07/31/2009 at 3:03am - love - by Andrexwife (woman) - United Kingdom (St. Helens)

Today, I was riding my motorcycle when I saw my cheating ex-wife walking down the road. Out of anger, I spat my gum at her. I forgot that my helmet's visor was still down, so when I spat, the gum stuck against it. I was temporarily blinded and I crashed into some bushes. FML

#4142743
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11340) - you deserved it (68546)

On 07/29/2009 at 8:14pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, everyone at work commented on how much better my new haircut looked and how I should keep styling it this way as it's such an improvement over my old style. I was late for work this morning. My new hair style was Bed hair that I didn't have time to sort out... FML

#4109863
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33234) - you deserved it (7409)

On 07/28/2009 at 3:41pm - work - by Tooks (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my dad asked me if i started smoking, I gave him a big speech about how I never have and never will. Two hours later he finds my stash of cigarettes under my bed. FML

#4092385
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7662) - you deserved it (120282)

On 07/27/2009 at 10:42pm - misc - by bbbeast (man) - United Kingdom (Kirklees)

Today, to cheer my girlfriend up after her mother died a week ago, I took her to a comedy club. The comedian's theme for the night happened to be mother-daughter relationships. FML

#4087171
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55886) - you deserved it (7175)

On 07/27/2009 at 7:33pm - love - by RupeeLink - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, I was babysitting some kids and helping them make a poster about insects. They couldn't think of any more insects to add so I suggested a spider, and got told to "not be a dumbass, spiders aren't insects they're arachnids." The girl is six. FML

#4079125
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17145) - you deserved it (49947)

On 07/27/2009 at 12:52pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)



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