FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, my little brother found the singing Santa Claus from last year, and it still works. I'm now going to be hearing nothing but "We WISH you a MERRY CHRISTMAS!" for the next 20 days. FML

by Anonymous / 12/06/2010 at 5:16pm / United Kingdom (Wiltshire) / Kids

Today, my grandmother told me to say "sofa king retarded" really fast. Not only did it take me several attempts to figure out what it meant, I'm now grounded by my mother for having a foul mouth. FML

by bribreeeeeezyfreshhh / 12/06/2010 at 12:03pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, my parents hassled me for wanting to get my tongue pierced, saying it was filthy, unprofessional, and degrading. About an hour later, my sister let slip that my nipple is pierced. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2010 at 6:28pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend informed me via text message that he had moved to Bristol, and the reason he had ignored me the past fortnight was because he didn't know how to tell me. He knew he was moving even before we even got together. FML

by Anonymous / 12/02/2010 at 10:36am / United Kingdom (Doncaster) / Love

Today, I got a phone call to say my workplace was closed due to extreme weather conditions. Looking forward to my day off, I then realised the boiler was broken and my house has no heating despite there being a foot of snow outside. I'm spending the day in bed, wearing all my clothes. FML

by Anonymous / 12/02/2010 at 3:11am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to take a short cut driving through the snow. I skidded to avoid an oncoming car and ended up in someone's garden, inches from their brand new extension. The house belonged to a police officer. FML

by Anonymous / 12/01/2010 at 5:03am / United Kingdom (South Lanarkshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, while at work, I cringed as I noticed my caveman colleague frantically digging into his nose and then continuing the use of his computer. I work in IT support and will be rebuilding his computer and reinstalling all his applications in 30 minutes time. FML

by Anonymous / 11/30/2010 at 9:07am / United Kingdom / Work

Today, I had to make up a boyfriend to stop my lesbian roommate coming onto me. FML

by katelouise2102 / 11/29/2010 at 7:39am / United Kingdom (Lincolnshire) / Intimacy

Today, I blared my music while I got ready for a night out. Getting really into this one song, I grabbed onto the nearest thing as a makeshift microphone. It happened to be the hot end of my curling iron. FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2010 at 12:36pm / United Kingdom (Scottish Borders) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my stalker is my mom's new boyfriend. FML

by Anonymous / 11/26/2010 at 8:15am / United Kingdom (Leicestershire) / Miscellaneous

Today, my six-month-old daughter decided to explore my nose, and before I could stop her she shoved her thumb deep in there. She thought it was hilarious when blood started gushing down my shirt. My nose is agony to touch and I still had to clean her up first. FML

by Anonymous / 11/25/2010 at 8:28am / United Kingdom (Derbyshire) / Health

Today, I learned that I wasn't really allergic to chocolate. My parents made it up when I was a child because they didn't want me to get fat. FML

by wow / 11/25/2010 at 2:32am / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was showing my Mom how to use the Internet on her phone. As there was bad reception, it said "Unexpected Failure." Seeing it, she muttered under her breath, "Just like you, then..." FML

by unexpected_failure / 11/22/2010 at 1:35pm / United Kingdom (Belfast) / Miscellaneous