Today, my dad forced the whole family to sit through a two-hour lecture, with supporting research, on how the "Mayan prophecy" is actually a load of shit fabricated by conmen. Nice to know he thinks we're all borderline brain-dead, gullible fuckwits who believed it to begin with. Thanks, dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14267) - you deserved it (2950)
On 12/15/2012 at 1:43pm - misc - by oh gee, you don't say (woman) - United Kingdom (Southampton)
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26663) - you deserved it (7176)
On 12/14/2012 at 7:27pm - intimacy - by sucks at sucking (woman) - United Kingdom (Bournemouth)
Today, I sent an email to my boss saying I'd fixed a glitch in our mail servers. He called me later, angrily shouting that I'd done a piss-poor job of fixing it, because my email had spammed his inbox with several hundred duplicate messages. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12313) - you deserved it (8785)
On 12/14/2012 at 6:16pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Somerset)
Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend, when he suddenly grabbed my front. He said, in a sexy voice, "Is that your boob?". He had grabbed a fat roll. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25004) - you deserved it (16557)
On 12/14/2012 at 8:45am - intimacy - by ToughTitties (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)
Today, I took my driver's test. I was confident and thought everything would go well. My boss ended up calling me several times during the test. Turns out my colleague never showed up to cover for me, and my boss blamed me. Not only did I fail my test, I'm now suspended from work too. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17681) - you deserved it (1849)
On 12/13/2012 at 12:04pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Bromley)
Today, I flew from Australia to the UK to meet the woman I love. After two years of talking, and having gotten a love letter for my birthday a few months prior, I was convinced we'd have a great time. Turns out she doesn't know what she feels for me. I'm staying with her for the next 35 days. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17161) - you deserved it (6952)
On 12/12/2012 at 10:56am - love - by RabbitOfAurora - United Kingdom (Hounslow)
Today, I went on a blind date. My date turned out to be very hot, and I had high hopes. That is, until she ran her hand through her hair as she approached, sending some kind of horrifying, miasmic mist of dandruff and dead skin floating through the air behind her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14282) - you deserved it (5018)
On 12/09/2012 at 4:52pm - love - by HOLY SHIT, A WALKING SNOWGLOBE (man) - United Kingdom (Barking and Dagenham)
Today, I was sitting cross-legged, idly jerkin' the gherkin. I guess I got slightly carried away, because I zoned out, forgot where I was aiming, and came all over the side of my face, up my nose and into my eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7407) - you deserved it (50733)
On 12/09/2012 at 11:57am - intimacy - by SamWGovan (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)
Today, I was chatting to a friend on Facebook about girls, and why we're single. We somehow ended up admitting to one another that we'd never get girlfriends, finding out that we both like hentai porn, and trading info on Japanese sex toys. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6336) - you deserved it (18374)
On 12/08/2012 at 5:52pm - love - by XxtentaculonxX - United Kingdom (Argyll and Bute)
Today, I was stuck at a red light on an empty road for ten minutes before I finally realised that not only was I looking at the wrong traffic light, it was also broken. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4783) - you deserved it (13589)
On 12/08/2012 at 12:47pm - misc - by last time I drive stoned (man) - United Kingdom
Today, after coming home from surgery, I discovered that the heating in my entire building had failed. I called my mom asking if I could come and stay with her for a few days. She told me to "think warm thoughts." FML
I agree, your life sucks (15976) - you deserved it (870)
On 12/05/2012 at 6:27pm - money - by lonelyandcold (man) - United Kingdom (Solihull)
Today, during a conversation, my boss said, "What, what?" Before I could stop myself, I replied, "In the butt." FML
I agree, your life sucks (9493) - you deserved it (19107)
On 12/04/2012 at 9:43pm - work - by whitecollar - United Kingdom (York)
Today, my girlfriend showed me a print of a Banksy that she'd just bought, telling me it was an original. When I tried to argue that it wasn't, she broke up with me for "implying she was a moron." FML
I agree, your life sucks (13375) - you deserved it (1655)
On 12/04/2012 at 11:17am - love - by Single (man) - United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset)
Monday 17 June 2013
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