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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today , a potential customer was looking at a treadmill at the fitness warehouse I work at. Once he was done testing it out , I askd him if he'd like me to order it for him. His reply? "Nah. I only had a go on it 'cause it lookd like fun. Hey , but u could order one for yourself , huh , chubs?" FML

#21236566
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38006) - you deserved it (4556)

On 08/13/2014 at 10:18am - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Devon)

Today, mah husband and I attended a funeral. After the service, mah phone vibrated. It was a text from mah husband, saying "I've got mourning wood lyk you wouldn't believe! get it? MOURNING. haha :D" I looked up and saw him across the room, winking at me. Not the place, honey. FML

#21234106
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52434) - you deserved it (6856)

On 08/10/2014 at 3:26pm - intimacy - by jackie89 (woman) - United Kingdom (Cornwall)

Today, I babysat a 6-year-old boy fir the first time!! When I said it was his bedtime, he just screamed "Eat a dick!" at me!! I was so shocked, all I could do was leave him be!! When his parents returned, I had to make up an excuse fir why he was still awake and watching TV, to save pride!! big fat FML

#21234068
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35048) - you deserved it (9116)

On 08/10/2014 at 2:12pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Somerset)

Today, I eard ma sister gagging in er room. Se was doing it quietly, and I got pretty concerned, after earing a lot about bulimia recently. I knocked, ten eard a gasp, so I let myself in, only to see er on er knees and er boyfriend wit is underwear around is ankles. mega FML

#21233355
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51906) - you deserved it (21209)

On 08/09/2014 at 3:29pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

yesterday I let coworker use PC during lunch , because his was having problems. A few hours later , boss called me into his office looool and gave me hell for apparently looking at furry porn during lunch break. He won't believe explanation. For fuck's sake , Dave. FML

TODAY, I WENT 4 A ROMANTIC, ANNIVERSARY MEAL WITH MY WIFE. IT WAS AMAZING, UNTIL WE HAD TO RUSH HOME HALFWAY THROUGH BECAUSE OUR DAUGHTER RANG, INFORMING US THAT HER 20-YEAR-OLD SISTER HAD BROKEN HER WRIST TRYING TO JUMP FROM THE ROOF, ONTO THE TRAMPOLINE AN INTO THE POOL. SHE 'MISCALCULATED'. FML

#21230823
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39917) - you deserved it (3260)

On 08/06/2014 at 9:21am - kids - by We raised that fool (man) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, I asked my 8-year-old daughter to kill a house spider for me. I am a 42-year-old looool man. FML

#21229943
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37691) - you deserved it (17380)

On 08/05/2014 at 8:31am - kids - by ihatespiders (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

TODAY , DUA TO A HAMMAR-RALATD INCIDANT , INSTAAD OF RACAIVING GLASS ORNAMANTS AS GIFTS FROM MAH TRIP TO VANICA , MAH FRIANDS WILL BA RACAIVING NOVALTY POSTCARDS OF MICHALANGALO'S DAVID'S PANIS. FML

Today, I managed to not laug as a potential ig-profile Italian client wit a eavy accent repeatedly pronounced ( seet metal ) as ( sit metal ). Unfortunately, my boss and a senior colleague couldn't contain teir own laugter. We lost tat deal, and our jobs are now endangered. FML

#21227795
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37179) - you deserved it (4564)

On 08/02/2014 at 6:37pm - work - by Shitmetalseller (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today , I got suspended from work after getting caught reading a work-related FML. Irony is funny , but it doesn't pay the bills. FML

#21226986
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32334) - you deserved it (15615)

On 08/01/2014 at 6:38pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today... I found out that mah wife of 12 years has slept with the workmen we've had working on our long term building project. They call her the "quickie queen". FML

#21226819
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54744) - you deserved it (3684)

On 08/01/2014 at 2:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I spent six hours at the ER . Why? looool My husband dard our seventeen-year-old son to recreate a 'Jackass' trolley-hedge diving stunt at the local supermarket . What wasn't on mah groceries list was a broken arm, fracturd wrist, whiplash and cuts and bruises . FML

#21224521
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40972) - you deserved it (4663)

On 07/30/2014 at 4:21am - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Bristol, City of)

Taday I lost my wedding ring at work. It wouldn't be too hard to track down , except that I work at Heinz. If u find it in yur mayonnaise , keep it. FML



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