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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, was my first day as a male cheerleader in an attempt to flirt. The girls were stronger than me and it's now my job to be thrown in the air by girls. FML

#21017728
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41421) - you deserved it (33597)

On 01/05/2014 at 11:16am - love - by give me an F - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, I got a text from my girlfriend. After only having sex once, where I wore a condom and didn't even get to come, she says that she's pregnant. FML

#21016853
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57553) - you deserved it (7812)

On 01/04/2014 at 5:26pm - intimacy - by fuckmuppeter512 (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my son was playing The Sims, when I saw him remove the door to a room and set it on fire with a Sim trapped inside. I chuckled at first, until I saw that the Sim was me. Meanwhile, my wife's Sim was happily painting in the next room, not giving a crap. All too accurate, sadly. FML

#21015673
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46069) - you deserved it (4955)

On 01/03/2014 at 4:50pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I ate some amazing homemade brownies that my best friend's wife made for us. She waited till I'd shoved a third one into my mouth before she mentioned she made them with breast milk. Knowing her, I don't even doubt it was true. FML

#21014374
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42235) - you deserved it (4531)

On 01/02/2014 at 3:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Fife)

Today, I finally got proof of my theory when the dog came downstairs at 2 in the morning, looked me dead in the eye, pissed on the rug and took my socks before disappearing back upstairs. FML

#21013459
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35637) - you deserved it (3805)

On 01/01/2014 at 9:32pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I tried waxing for the first time. At first it felt like I'd dipped my balls in a furnace. Now I can't even feel them. FML

#21011655
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35673) - you deserved it (20434)

On 12/31/2013 at 2:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, I dropped my suitcase on my toe. Don't worry, it was already broken. FML

#21010276
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40532) - you deserved it (3868)

On 12/30/2013 at 8:07am - health - by laurenasabutton (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, I was verbally abused by a tourist because neither I nor anyone else in my country can speak "proper English". We're in England - clue's in the name, dipshit. FML

#21009563
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39229) - you deserved it (4007)

On 12/29/2013 at 6:23pm - misc - by Kayak (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my strict Christian mother walked into my room just after I'd finished masturbating. Although dressed, I was still holding the used tissue, which she noticed. Having to think fast to disguise my deed and avoid an entire sermon, I had no option but to blow my nose with the spunky tissue. FML

#21009159
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48947) - you deserved it (25502)

On 12/29/2013 at 7:36am - intimacy - by Jizzyface (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, my boyfriend bought me a pair of jeans. I couldn't fit into them, and he reacted to this by saying I've gotten too fat for him, and he can't be with me anymore. I took them off and saw they were a size 4. I've been a size 8 for the past 2 years, and he knows this. FML

#21008500
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41421) - you deserved it (3076)

On 12/28/2013 at 5:34pm - health - by worstwaytodumpagirl (woman) - United Kingdom (Harrow)

Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML

#21007475
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48676) - you deserved it (6437)

On 12/27/2013 at 5:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my car broke down on the highway, and I had to call for a tow truck. It finally showed up, only to break down too less than a mile later. Cue nearly freezing to death while we waited for help to arrive for the both of us. FML

#21006306
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33417) - you deserved it (2333)

On 12/26/2013 at 3:39pm - misc - by MERRY FUCKMYARSEMASS (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up on Christmas morning to find that a large cock and balls had been keyed into the windscreen of my car. My new, two-week-old car, which I will be paying off for the next four years. FML

#21005375
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35157) - you deserved it (2679)

On 12/25/2013 at 7:45pm - money - by Sophies (woman) - United Kingdom (Bristol, City of)



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