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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I was walking in the park when I was hit on the shin by a red ball. I was confused, until it was followed by an enormous German Shepherd dog going at top speed. FML

#6005928
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27813) - you deserved it (2222)

On 10/26/2009 at 12:24pm - health - by Lizofsmeg (woman) - United Kingdom (Brent)

Today, I went home early from a business trip to find my house covered with rose petals. Thinking it was a romantic notion from my boyfriend, I went up to the bedroom. I opened the door to find him lying there, getting it on with my sister. FML

#6005741
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30557) - you deserved it (2259)

On 10/26/2009 at 12:04pm - intimacy - by Shobz (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was having a nice moment with my granddaughter as she was being affectionate by stroking my face. We were both quite content, until she said, "Aw, Grandma, your skin feels just like a crocodile." FML

#5977481
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30125) - you deserved it (3045)

On 10/24/2009 at 5:14pm - kids - by Granny (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, a friend asked me if I'd buy him some condoms because he's too shy to buy them himself. I obliged and whilst queuing at the till to buy them I felt someone tap my shoulder. I turned around to see my fiancée glaring at me. We don't use condoms. FML

#5971935
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40273) - you deserved it (6005)

On 10/24/2009 at 9:14am - love - by Oops (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I decided to pay a suprise visit to my boyfriend's house. I let myself in, walked up to his bedroom and found him dancing around. In the dress I had left the other weekend. FML

#5971650
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33495) - you deserved it (5406)

On 10/24/2009 at 8:20am - misc - by nnnaaazzz - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I went to drop the garbage in the compactor as I left to do some shopping. I quickly put my handbag down on the side, threw the 'garbage' in the machine, watched it do its thing, and then turned round to find... the bag of garbage on the side. FML

#5944121
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10480) - you deserved it (27725)

On 10/22/2009 at 1:20pm - misc - by Typrokka (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, my girlfriend and I watched Juno. When the baby is born in the film, I put my arm around my girlfriend and whispered in her ear that one day it could be us having a baby. She responded by punching me in the happy sacks and telling me I wasn't getting any from her in a long time. FML

#5931603
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10280) - you deserved it (27881)

On 10/21/2009 at 5:55pm - intimacy - by Ouch (man) - United Kingdom (St. Helens)

Today, I told my brother to piss off. He decided to do exactly that, from the balcony onto my lap. FML

#5930750
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12873) - you deserved it (29390)

On 10/21/2009 at 5:03pm - kids - by holy (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I found out who the father of my sister's 4 year old son is. My husband of 7 years. FML

#5928824
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60854) - you deserved it (3027)

On 10/21/2009 at 2:31pm - kids - by Jessica (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I was helping a friend redecorate. She had put up some shelving, that we presumed was stable. It broke, and all the expensive vases and collectables fell to the floor. On instinct, I leapt forward to catch the closest thing. It was not the expensive vase. It was a cactus. FML

#5926949
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32268) - you deserved it (4008)

On 10/21/2009 at 9:54am - misc - by TheSublime (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I found out my 10 year old step-brother has an obsession with fire, after he burnt all the belongings in my room, including an £600 guitar. FML

#5910147
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36554) - you deserved it (2486)

On 10/20/2009 at 6:46am - kids - by NikkiiFireStarter (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was ordering food at McDonalds when a condom fell out and onto the counter. The server looked at me funny before my friend turned around and said, "It's okay, he's never going to use it." FML

#5896652
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28570) - you deserved it (7046)

On 10/19/2009 at 2:36pm - misc - by ThePidgeon (man) - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)

Today, I asked my fiancé's daughter to use her phone so I could call mine which I'd misplaced. Busy with homework, she nodded. Only after she jumped up did I notice that she had my number listed with a humiliating nickname, and accompanied by a photo of her middle finger. FML

#5875643
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31136) - you deserved it (5005)

On 10/18/2009 at 6:16am - kids - by Anonwymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)



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