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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend texted me telling me how much he loved me, and that he wanted my virginity. We have already done it. I don't think he meant to send that text to me. FML

#5763126
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26642) - you deserved it (2214)

On 10/10/2009 at 7:21pm - intimacy - by screwed.over (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my mother said she trusted me enough to go with me for my first drive in my new car. As soon as we got in the car, she started hyperventilating and screaming we're going to crash. I didn't even start the engine. FML

#5758309
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32579) - you deserved it (2479)

On 10/10/2009 at 1:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (West Berkshire)

Today, my boyfriend came to wake me up with some flowers and breakfast in bed. We started getting intimate, after a short while, there was a knock. We looked out of the window and there was the window cleaner with his thumbs up and grinning. FML

#5754527
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19235) - you deserved it (4263)

On 10/10/2009 at 6:19am - intimacy - by Taraa3 (woman) - United Kingdom (Hartlepool)

Today, I learned that the excessive groin sweating I've been trying to deal with for weeks isn't groin sweating. It's a slow and steady stream of urine that I have no control over. FML

#5743316
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47015) - you deserved it (3239)

On 10/09/2009 at 5:25pm - health - by lizzzie (woman) - United Kingdom (Dorset)

Today, the guy I'd been talking to online and liked came to my house party with a bunch of mutual friends. He spent the night sitting in the corner on the sofa talking to my cat. I woke up later to see that not only had he crashed for the night, but he'd curled up in the dog basket. FML

#5740729
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27312) - you deserved it (8529)

On 10/09/2009 at 2:48pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Greater London)

Today, while driving home from work an old homeless man stepped out on front of my car. As I slammed on the brakes the man threw a bag of poo at my windscreen and shouted "Praise The Lord!" before carrying on as if nothing had happened. FML

#5724132
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41955) - you deserved it (3025)

On 10/08/2009 at 5:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I had my leaving party after work to celebrate getting a new job. 3 people turned up. I'd invited 35. FML

#5720905
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28500) - you deserved it (4841)

On 10/08/2009 at 12:13pm - work - by Dan (man) - United Kingdom (Harrow)

Today, I woke up and the sun was blinding me through my attic window. I have no blinds so I got a poster from my wall and stuck it to the wood on my window with nails. Turn's out I have woodrot, and my entire window fell out. FML

#5699766
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29003) - you deserved it (4246)

On 10/07/2009 at 8:31am - misc - by 3lavyaa - United Kingdom

Today, it was my friend's paintball party and we were doing it in a forest nearby. When I arrived at his house, his parents said they already started, so I geared up and went out there to find that there was a note on a tree. It said 'Sorry', and then twenty people jumped from bushes and ambushed me. FML

#5699307
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33187) - you deserved it (10997)

On 10/07/2009 at 7:13am - misc - by shitballs_911 (man) - United Kingdom (Kingston upon Thames)

Today, I met my new roommate. I also met her stuffed animals, who introduced themselves to me. My roommate makes inanimate objects talk. FML

#5685391
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35774) - you deserved it (3819)

On 10/06/2009 at 5:08pm - misc - by roomie487 - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I got a ticket for having my brights on. The street was pitch black and it was 1:30 in the morning. FML

#5681167
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32152) - you deserved it (6079)

On 10/06/2009 at 11:44am - misc - by ticket - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I was just about to do an important presentation in front of my boss and co-workers. When, without warning I tripped in front of everyone and knocked a VERY expensive computer off the table. How do I know it was so expensive? I'm paying for it. FML

#5667888
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28691) - you deserved it (4492)

On 10/05/2009 at 7:25pm - work - by ProneToBlondeMoments (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I found a letter in the postbox at my new flat which ran something along these lines of: "Hi. We're the gas company. You owe us £1,229.79 and have 7 days to pay us. Lotsa love, dated 7th September." FML

#5638823
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28507) - you deserved it (3430)

On 10/04/2009 at 9:40am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Nottingham)



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