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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I had a big exam. 20 minutes in I could feel people turning round looking at me. I ignored them at first, but towards the one hour mark it got more distracting. I stood up and yelled "Why's everyone staring at me!" I got kicked out. Turns out I was seated directly in front of the clock. FML

#5563519
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8706) - you deserved it (44826)

On 09/30/2009 at 9:36am - misc - by failfailfail - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I left home to start my new life at University. Saying goodbye to my mother, the last thing she said to me was "Don't turn gay". I'm gay. FML

#5562367
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48143) - you deserved it (9983)

On 09/30/2009 at 5:31am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (East Sussex)

Today, it was my birthday. I asked my mom that instead of a present if she would make a donation to my favourite charity. She said that this wasn't a "proper" present for a 15-year-old girl. Instead she got me a kettle because "ours had broke and you make the most tea in the family." FML

#5561209
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33246) - you deserved it (4845)

On 09/30/2009 at 2:17am - misc - by qwerty6 - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my dog died. I spent ages digging him a grave and buried him in the garden so that my dad wouldn't have to deal with the stress when he got home from work. When my dad got home he told me that he had wanted the dog to be cremated. I have just had to dig up my dog's body. FML

#5509670
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36123) - you deserved it (4430)

On 09/27/2009 at 4:54pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, I was walking whilst texting. I thought I was going in a straight line but I ended up walking right into an open phone booth. A woman was inside making a phone call. I lost my balance, pinning her up against the wall. She thought I was attacking her and clobbered me with the receiver. FML

#5504838
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8447) - you deserved it (45067)

On 09/27/2009 at 11:59am - misc - by absentmindedmoron (man) - United Kingdom (Peterborough)

Today, I listened to my voice mail messages for the first time in months. One was from my Grandma that must have been meant for Gramps. I think I know now why my mother has so many siblings. FML

#5502939
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19622) - you deserved it (1649)

On 09/27/2009 at 8:52am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, by text, while we were in the same room. FML

#5502747
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48120) - you deserved it (3759)

On 09/27/2009 at 8:17am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Liverpool)

Today, after the most stressful two weeks of my life, I finally found a few minutes to sit down with a relaxing cup of tea. I went to take a sip, sneezed, smashed the mug into my nose, and dumped scalding hot tea all over my face and cleavage. FML

#5481614
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36716) - you deserved it (4810)

On 09/26/2009 at 6:39am - misc - by pygmalion (woman) - United Kingdom (Belfast)

Today, my friends were all talking about the first time they bought condoms. I can still remember the first time I bought them; in fact they are unopened and expired in my bedside table. FML

#5480750
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33047) - you deserved it (5711)

On 09/26/2009 at 4:00am - misc - by vcarder - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a club with my friends. I noticed the bouncer looked at me strangely. Then he erupts and screams, "you're the bitch who caused havoc and £255 damage to the cloakroom, pay up or I'll call the fuzz!" Little did I know my 15-year-old sister stole my ID last weekend. FML

#5468497
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37430) - you deserved it (2727)

On 09/25/2009 at 4:24pm - misc - by busted (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, the weird receptionist at the hotel I'm staying at asked me if I needed an extra blanket because I "looked cold in my sleep last night". FML

#5443972
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60535) - you deserved it (2462)

On 09/24/2009 at 5:50am - misc - by scaredtosleep (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my boyfriend is coming over. We haven't seen each other for a while so for a surprise, a few days ago, I decided to shave my pubic hair. I've come up in a huge rash that looks like some sort of infection. Not quite the sexy surprise I was hoping for. FML

#5424386
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18130) - you deserved it (6045)

On 09/23/2009 at 6:43am - intimacy - by fuzzy (woman) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, I was home alone, and decided to do some naked cleaning just because I could. After half an hour of liberating nakie-dusting, I turn around to see my boyfriend and his best friend gaping at me open mouthed. His older brother however gave a creepy smile and the thumbs up. FML

#5424081
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14843) - you deserved it (39809)

On 09/23/2009 at 5:35am - misc - by DusterOverBits (woman) - United Kingdom



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