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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I was having a nice moment with my granddaughter as she was being affectionate by stroking my face. We were both quite content, until she said, "Aw, Grandma, your skin feels just like a crocodile." FML

#5977481
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29048) - you deserved it (2936)

On 10/24/2009 at 5:14pm - kids - by Granny (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, a friend asked me if I'd buy him some condoms because he's too shy to buy them himself. I obliged and whilst queuing at the till to buy them I felt someone tap my shoulder. I turned around to see my fiancée glaring at me. We don't use condoms. FML

#5971935
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38852) - you deserved it (5863)

On 10/24/2009 at 9:14am - love - by Oops (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I decided to pay a suprise visit to my boyfriend's house. I let myself in, walked up to his bedroom and found him dancing around. In the dress I had left the other weekend. FML

#5971650
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29110) - you deserved it (4833)

On 10/24/2009 at 8:20am - misc - by nnnaaazzz - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I went to drop the garbage in the compactor as I left to do some shopping. I quickly put my handbag down on the side, threw the 'garbage' in the machine, watched it do its thing, and then turned round to find... the bag of garbage on the side. FML

#5944121
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9811) - you deserved it (26062)

On 10/22/2009 at 1:20pm - misc - by Typrokka (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, my girlfriend and I watched Juno. When the baby is born in the film, I put my arm around my girlfriend and whispered in her ear that one day it could be us having a baby. She responded by punching me in the happy sacks and telling me I wasn't getting any from her in a long time. FML

#5931603
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7420) - you deserved it (19080)

On 10/21/2009 at 5:55pm - intimacy - by Ouch (man) - United Kingdom (St. Helens)

Today, I told my brother to piss off. He decided to do exactly that, from the balcony onto my lap. FML

#5930750
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12582) - you deserved it (28936)

On 10/21/2009 at 5:03pm - kids - by holy (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I found out who the father of my sister's 4 year old son is. My husband of 7 years. FML

#5928824
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54823) - you deserved it (2612)

On 10/21/2009 at 2:31pm - kids - by Jessica (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I was helping a friend redecorate. She had put up some shelving, that we presumed was stable. It broke, and all the expensive vases and collectables fell to the floor. On instinct, I leapt forward to catch the closest thing. It was not the expensive vase. It was a cactus. FML

#5926949
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31969) - you deserved it (3976)

On 10/21/2009 at 9:54am - misc - by TheSublime (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I found out my 10 year old step-brother has an obsession with fire, after he burnt all the belongings in my room, including an £600 guitar. FML

#5910147
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33975) - you deserved it (2292)

On 10/20/2009 at 6:46am - kids - by NikkiiFireStarter (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was ordering food at McDonalds when a condom fell out and onto the counter. The server looked at me funny before my friend turned around and said, "It's okay, he's never going to use it." FML

#5896652
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28229) - you deserved it (7011)

On 10/19/2009 at 2:36pm - misc - by ThePidgeon (man) - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)

Today, I asked my fiancé's daughter to use her phone so I could call mine which I'd misplaced. Busy with homework, she nodded. Only after she jumped up did I notice that she had my number listed with a humiliating nickname, and accompanied by a photo of her middle finger. FML

#5875643
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27040) - you deserved it (4583)

On 10/18/2009 at 6:16am - kids - by Anonwymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was listening to music, talking to a boy I like on MSN. He asked if I could share the song I was listening to, so I did. It wasn't until I had shared and fully transferred it did I realise it was actually the fake radio show I record on my own, in a phoney Australian accent. All 6 minutes of it. FML

#5830310
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7801) - you deserved it (32546)

On 10/14/2009 at 4:19pm - love - by LasagnaRawks (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I got home and realized that I didn't have my keys and my mum had said she wasn't going to be home till the next morning. After a long wait I decided I'd have to break a window to get in. Almost immediately after closing the door I watched as my mum pulled up in the driveway. FML



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