FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I thought it would be funny to tickle my daughter's foot, which she hates. One bloody nose, multiple scratches and 4 toe-shaped bruises later, she's the one laughing. FML

by B / 04/18/2011 at 4:09am / United Kingdom (Essex) / Kids

Today, after watching over my drunken mother all last night to make sure she didn't choke on her own vomit, I came to the conclusion that at the age of 53, she's more of a party animal than I ever will be. I'm a 22 year old man. FML

by ForeverAlone / 04/15/2011 at 8:52pm / United Kingdom (Staffordshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw a spider crawling across a poster in my bedroom, so I smacked the spot below it to scare the spider into climbing back up the wall. Instead, because the poster wasn't completely flat to the wall, I catapulted the spider straight into my face. FML

by spiderwoman / 04/15/2011 at 7:47am / United Kingdom (East Sussex) / Animals

Today, my husband of 30 years told me that he thought we should 'just be friends'. FML

by ZaraAce / 04/15/2011 at 7:38am / United Kingdom (Bedfordshire) / Love

Today, I bumped into an old school friend. I'd heard she was pregnant so the first thing I did was congratulate her. Not only was she not pregnant, but the reason she managed to get so fat was because of comfort eating due to her miscarriage last month. FML

by Anonymous / 04/13/2011 at 9:06pm / United Kingdom / Health

Today, I've been on the same train for two hours at a standstill due to "signal problems". We can't get off because it's "unsafe". I'm on my way home from work and I can see my house through the window. FML

by bananaman / 04/11/2011 at 4:07pm / United Kingdom (London) / Transportation

Today, my phone wasn't working properly. After sending out 40 texts and getting no replies, I decided to test my phone by sending it a text from my old phone. The text came through straight away. Turns out my phone's working perfectly and 40 people are just ignoring me. FML

by Ignored / 04/11/2011 at 5:39am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was reading a blog post by a girl that I really like. In the post, it said, "I know I'm not beautiful." I told her that I thought it wasn't true at all. She responded by crying hysterically and asking me why I would say that. It turned out that it actually said, "I know I'm beautiful." FML

by Arran / 04/09/2011 at 8:24pm / United Kingdom (Stoke-on-Trent) / Love

Today, my dad decided to have a little father and daughter bonding time. Unfortunately, his idea of bonding involves him sitting around at home, getting piss drunk, and falling asleep. FML

by Z / 04/09/2011 at 6:29pm / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Miscellaneous

Today, my grandma got up at 6:30am, clattered about the bathroom then sang religious songs at the top of her voice for half an hour. Apparently this is her normal routine, weekends included. She is staying with us for a month. FML

by Riley / 04/09/2011 at 4:21am / United Kingdom (Bedfordshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband told me that he can't find his passport. We're supposed to be leaving for Prague in two days. He's known about the trip for months. It was the anniversary vacation that was going to help our frayed relationship. Now my money is going to a hotel in Prague, but I'm not. FML

by stuckhome / 04/08/2011 at 7:07am / United Kingdom / Holidays

Today, a guy who annoys me walked over. To avoid speaking to him, I pretended to be on the phone and he walked away. A few moments later, my phone rang. I looked around to see if he'd seen me. He had. He was the one ringing me from down the hall. FML

by Anonymous / 04/07/2011 at 9:28am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was sunny and bright so I woke up feeling great. I pulled back the curtains in my room and saw my cat dead on the lawn. FML

by Anonymous / 04/07/2011 at 3:11am / United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire) / Animals