FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend flamboyantly proposed to me in a packed restaurant. I promptly had a panic attack and fainted in front of at least fifty people and a full mariachi band. FML

by lacucarcha / 10/15/2015 at 5:47pm / United Kingdom (Telford and Wrekin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got turned down by my dream job because their rival company happens to be called my exact name. I'm now known as "The Spy". FML

by Anonymous / 10/15/2015 at 4:44pm / United Kingdom (Richmond upon Thames) / Work

Today, I got nearly kicked out of the room I rent because I refuse to close my curtains at night. Apparently, my landlady thinks it doesn't look nice when people pass by and look. My room is on the third floor and I just want to see the stars. FML

by Anonymous / 10/15/2015 at 4:34pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I coughed so much I threw up, then whilst recovering from throwing up, a fly flew into my mouth and I ate it. I then promptly threw up again. FML

by laurenmichela / 10/12/2015 at 5:47pm / United Kingdom / Health

Today, my best friend told me how his batshit insane girlfriend keeps questioning his sexuality and thinks we're screwing behind her back. He's so desperate for a relationship that he's decided to stop hanging out with me. Goodbye 7 years of friendship. FML

by Anonymous / 10/12/2015 at 10:29am / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Miscellaneous

Today, a woman at work told me that her kid had puked into "a storage bin" in the office. It wasn't a storage bin, it was the outgoing mail tray on the side of my desk containing important contract documents that had to be posted by 5pm that day. FML

by Anonymous / 10/12/2015 at 5:18am / United Kingdom / Work

Today, the canine behaviour course I am studying released a new assignment in which I need to film myself teaching a dog a new trick. The only dog I have access to is my sister's neurotic, anxious Chihuahua who bites at any sudden noise. FML

by Anonymous / 10/12/2015 at 5:11am / United Kingdom / Animals

Today, I realised just how much my favourite pornstar looks like my sister. FML

by Oh Cock / 10/10/2015 at 11:15am / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Love

Today, I walked in on my sister shoving her vibrating phone into her privates. Can't erase that image. FML

by Anonymous / 10/06/2015 at 7:46am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy

Today, several coworkers think the operation scar on my wrist is really a failed suicide attempt, because I study design and apparently, "Artists are suicidal, right?" FML

by cocacola999 / 10/05/2015 at 4:31am / United Kingdom / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was pushing so hard to take a number two that I ended up passing out. FML

by Till We Pass Out / 10/03/2015 at 11:30am / United Kingdom (Calderdale) / Health

Today, I was clipping my nails. When I got to my toenail, the whole thing somehow ripped right out. I'm in agony. FML

by Anonymous / 10/03/2015 at 6:57am / United Kingdom (Blackpool) / Health

Today, after 4 days of avoiding me and screening his calls, my 24-year-old boyfriend sent his mother to break up with me on his behalf. FML

by coward / 10/03/2015 at 6:13am / United Kingdom / Love