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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, whilst laying in bed with my girlfriend, she received a flirty message from her ex on her phone asking if she wanted to go to the cinema. She replied, knowing I could see the screen. The messages were signed with a love heart and about 15 kisses. She claims they are still just friends. FML

#21362430
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32954) - you deserved it (3672)

On 02/24/2015 at 6:50am - love - by anonymous - United Kingdom (Lancashire)

Today, I ordered Chinese and told them I was allergic to eggs. I took a bite and I found some egg, quickly spat it out and took my antihistamines. When I returned with it and complained about my potential demise, they gave me a free orange to apologise. I'm allergic to oranges. FML

#21361977
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31263) - you deserved it (5372)

On 02/23/2015 at 7:08pm - health - by hatemebeforetheyevenhatch (woman) - United Kingdom (West Dunbartonshire)

Today, I competed in a Tae Kwon Do competition. I came third with my team in the sparring event. My mum said as a joke, "Were there only 3 teams?" There were. FML

#21361215
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29436) - you deserved it (4233)

On 02/22/2015 at 6:21pm - misc - by tom28402 - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, my girlfriend got her wisdom teeth removed. I really want to help her out while she recovers, but her swollen cheeks combined with her natural buck teeth keep making me crack up every time I see her. I can't help it and I'm now in the doghouse. FML

#21360286
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23489) - you deserved it (29784)

On 02/21/2015 at 9:20am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, my boyfriend commented on one of his his ex-girlfriend's Facebook photos, saying how smoking hot she looks and how much he wants her. His excuse was that the photo was posted before he was with me, so he's clearly doing nothing wrong. FML

Today, whilst walking to a primary school to give pupils a lesson on cleanliness, I tripped and landed on a dog turd. FML

#21359149
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27619) - you deserved it (3016)

On 02/19/2015 at 11:06am - misc - by anonymous - United Kingdom (Leicester)

Today, my attention-seeking, insanely thick co-worker explained that due to her new diet she can't eat bread. She "can eat pizza" though. When we pointed out that they’re pretty much made of the same ingredients, she wouldn’t believe us. I sit right behind this idiot every day. FML

#21359143
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30934) - you deserved it (2577)

On 02/19/2015 at 10:47am - work - by Vercsi (woman) - United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne)

Today, I tried to blackmail my douchebag boss for a raise, since I had ample proof that he's screwing a co-worker. Turns out he and his wife are in an open relationship, and HR doesn't give a damn about office romances. Now I have to quit or deal with the most hostile work environment ever. FML

#21358578
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14454) - you deserved it (59257)

On 02/18/2015 at 1:06pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Norfolk)

Today, a homeless guy told me I looked like shit and to have some self-respect. Right. FML

#21358017
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28460) - you deserved it (4288)

On 02/17/2015 at 1:23pm - misc - by trolls have hit the gutters (woman) - United Kingdom (Durham)

Today, I found out someone, most likely my psycho ex, has been posing as me on local interest websites, trolling a load of people, and giving them my address so they can come fight me. I found this out when a gentleman showed up at my house wanting to beat me shitless. FML

#21355802
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30978) - you deserved it (2140)

On 02/14/2015 at 7:14am - health - by u wot? (man) - United Kingdom (Suffolk)

Today, as a reward for finishing all my work in maths, I was told I could leave early. Apparently, later on, the class had a random attendance inspection. I didn't know about this until I received a detention for not being present at that class. My teacher had completely forgotten about me. FML

Today, a cute girl was telling me about her weird fetishes. I jokingly said, "Remind me never to have sex with you". She replied, "Don't worry, I have standards". FML

#21353290
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30281) - you deserved it (19285)

On 02/10/2015 at 9:51am - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, my sister tried to convince me to go to a plastic surgeon, because "Bitchface Syndrome's no joke." FML

#21351489
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30015) - you deserved it (3733)

On 02/07/2015 at 1:32pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Wirral)



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