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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I found out my happily married father has been hiring escorts on-line for 3 years. FML

#7517323
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17045) - you deserved it (2080)

On 01/23/2010 at 7:21am - intimacy - by T.C (woman) - United Kingdom (Bedfordshire)

Today, I went back to school after missing the first 2 weeks of the new school year. I got grilled in my first lesson by my teacher for "gallivanting around on holiday in some sunny place" when I should've been at school learning. My dad had died from liver cancer. FML

#7470356
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54988) - you deserved it (2480)

On 01/21/2010 at 6:41am - health - by Dude (man) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)

Today, I got out of bed and went downstairs in my boxers to get a glass of water. I entered the kitchen and said hi to my visiting mother-in-law, who smiled. Only after a good ten minutes did she decide to tell me that my "wanker-stick" was hanging from a gap in my boxers. FML

#7441309
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18354) - you deserved it (5533)

On 01/19/2010 at 6:18pm - intimacy - by kappaomicron (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I flew a toy helicopter into my face. FML

#7436453
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8053) - you deserved it (30923)

On 01/19/2010 at 12:42pm - misc - by magicalDEATH (man) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I was given a ticket for running a red light. The reason? I was moving out of the way of an ambulance. The police officer watched it go by. FML

#7434371
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30416) - you deserved it (2569)

On 01/19/2010 at 8:20am - misc - by Samaritan (man) - United Kingdom (Liverpool)

Today, I got a missed call from a job that I really really want. I completely forgot that my answer machine message was a ridiculous and rude poem that I recorded previously when I was drunk. Somehow I don't think I'll be getting a call back. FML

#7433916
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5214) - you deserved it (33859)

On 01/19/2010 at 6:51am - work - by Stilljobless (woman) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, my wife changed her name back to her maiden name. Why? So people would stop asking questions about us. We have been married for 15 years. FML

#7411056
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27483) - you deserved it (2332)

On 01/18/2010 at 12:06am - love - by unloved (man) - United Kingdom (Southend-on-Sea)

Today, my long term ex, who broke up with me over a year ago and shattered my heart, seduced me (which wasn't hard as he knew I still had feelings for him) and as he pulled out after the couple of minutes of what he called sex, he used the line "There we go, that's your freebie." FML

#7406079
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9231) - you deserved it (17858)

On 01/17/2010 at 8:26pm - intimacy - by misshb (woman) - United Kingdom (Suffolk)

Today, I drove 4 hours to see my girlfriend of a year, as she had asked me to stay with her for a few days. When I arrived she told me she wanted to be friends as she liked someone else, but wanted me to stay the few days so we could work on being friends. FML

#7404884
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29446) - you deserved it (1975)

On 01/17/2010 at 7:30pm - love - by longtrip (man) - United Kingdom (Leeds)

Today, whilst working at the supermarket, a man came through my checkout who couldn't open the plastic bags. I thought it would be a laugh to make fun of him because of it, saying "Come on! What's wrong with you?". Turns out he has arthritis. And Parkinson's Disease. He left, more than angry. FML

Today, I rang my dad to tell him and my half-sister that I'm finally engaged. I then asked my half-sister to tell my stepmother. Still on speaker, I heard her run upstairs and pass the good news on. My stepmother responded with 'Cery who?', followed by 'So what? I can't stand her'. I'm Cery. FML

#7376584
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27740) - you deserved it (2035)

On 01/16/2010 at 11:29am - misc - by ThatCery (woman) - United Kingdom (St. Helens)

Today, I went to see John Mayer. Being 6'2", I didn't think there would be any trouble seeing the stage, until three 6'6" men stood directly in front of me, pissed in a cup and managed to spill it over me. FML

#7368221
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27371) - you deserved it (4311)

On 01/15/2010 at 10:30pm - misc - by edot (man) - United Kingdom (Leicestershire)

Today, I received a phone call from my son's school. Apparently, for the past week he has been telling everyone "mummy works as a drug dealer." I'm a pharmacist. FML



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