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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I left my hammer outside after putting up my 'for sale' sign in front of my house. I realised and went outside to get it. The hammer had been used to smash my car window and steal stuff inside. FML

#6085563
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25390) - you deserved it (5963)

On 10/31/2009 at 3:09pm - misc - by dogsickftl - United Kingdom (Leicester)

Today, I invited my very animal phobic boyfriend over. I have a dog and a rabbit, who are always well behaved so I insisted they wouldn't do him any harm. My dog peed all over his shoes and my rabbit furiously humped his leg and wouldn't let go. He's now even more terrified of animals. FML

#6081192
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25748) - you deserved it (10193)

On 10/31/2009 at 7:08am - love - by Anon (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, my 5 year old daughter figured out how to use the microwave, microwaving my brand new 3G iphone. It was completely wrecked. So was the microwave. FML

#6078140
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28615) - you deserved it (5627)

On 10/31/2009 at 12:22am - kids - by Mike (man) - United Kingdom (Blackpool)

Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML

#6069368
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7343) - you deserved it (15255)

On 10/30/2009 at 12:34pm - intimacy - by man (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, at work we were gathered to be told some bad news. One of our colleagues would be taking indefinite leave because his wife had dropped their newborn baby. I accidentally laughed at the image. FML

#6043300
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10275) - you deserved it (42987)

On 10/28/2009 at 6:29pm - work - by R (woman) - United Kingdom (Belfast)

Today, we finally got our first electricity bill for our new flat. I was shocked to see that we had used £60 worth of electricity in 6 weeks. Then I noticed that it was only an estimate, and that we could read the meter ourselves to correct the amount. We now have to pay nearly £400. FML

#6038057
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21438) - you deserved it (6588)

On 10/28/2009 at 10:47am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, my son's hamster died. It was overweight and got stuck in its plastic tube. My 6 year old son came downstairs to me smashing a plastic tube with a dead hamster in it on the kitchen table. He thinks I killed it. FML

Today, I sliced a deep gash into my thumb while carving up bagels. After putting a plaster on, I returned to my room to relax, where I lit a candle. The flame from my new lighter shot up, and set fire to the plaster on my thumb. Now I have a cut AND several burns. FML

#6024330
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26270) - you deserved it (6955)

On 10/27/2009 at 2:46pm - health - by opposableouch (woman) - United Kingdom (Sheffield)

Today, I bought a nice new dress for a work party. But when I went in, a coworker hurried me into the bathroom saying, "Don't worry we can fix this." She thought someone had been sick on me. Thanks. That was just the pattern of the dress. FML

#6023107
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23562) - you deserved it (6399)

On 10/27/2009 at 12:43pm - work - by yper (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, in the gym, as I bent over to pick up my weights an old man farted right in my face. The stench was appalling. To make matters worse, a girl I've fancied for ages thought it was me and reported it to the instructor. I was told to leave for 'anti-social behavior'. FML

#6020793
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28472) - you deserved it (1853)

On 10/27/2009 at 6:28am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was walking in the park when I was hit on the shin by a red ball. I was confused, until it was followed by an enormous German Shepherd dog going at top speed. FML

#6005928
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26382) - you deserved it (2102)

On 10/26/2009 at 12:24pm - health - by Lizofsmeg (woman) - United Kingdom (Brent)

Today, I went home early from a business trip to find my house covered with rose petals. Thinking it was a romantic notion from my boyfriend, I went up to the bedroom. I opened the door to find him lying there, getting it on with my sister. FML

#6005741
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26904) - you deserved it (1991)

On 10/26/2009 at 12:04pm - intimacy - by Shobz (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was having a nice moment with my granddaughter as she was being affectionate by stroking my face. We were both quite content, until she said, "Aw, Grandma, your skin feels just like a crocodile." FML

#5977481
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27745) - you deserved it (2837)

On 10/24/2009 at 5:14pm - kids - by Granny (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)



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