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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I got a missed call from a job that I really really want. I completely forgot that my answer machine message was a ridiculous and rude poem that I recorded previously when I was drunk. Somehow I don't think I'll be getting a call back. FML

#7433916
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5202) - you deserved it (33786)

On 01/19/2010 at 6:51am - work - by Stilljobless (woman) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, my wife changed her name back to her maiden name. Why? So people would stop asking questions about us. We have been married for 15 years. FML

#7411056
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27414) - you deserved it (2330)

On 01/18/2010 at 12:06am - love - by unloved (man) - United Kingdom (Southend-on-Sea)

Today, my long term ex, who broke up with me over a year ago and shattered my heart, seduced me (which wasn't hard as he knew I still had feelings for him) and as he pulled out after the couple of minutes of what he called sex, he used the line "There we go, that's your freebie." FML

#7406079
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9189) - you deserved it (17814)

On 01/17/2010 at 8:26pm - intimacy - by misshb (woman) - United Kingdom (Suffolk)

Today, I drove 4 hours to see my girlfriend of a year, as she had asked me to stay with her for a few days. When I arrived she told me she wanted to be friends as she liked someone else, but wanted me to stay the few days so we could work on being friends. FML

#7404884
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29379) - you deserved it (1974)

On 01/17/2010 at 7:30pm - love - by longtrip (man) - United Kingdom (Leeds)

Today, whilst working at the supermarket, a man came through my checkout who couldn't open the plastic bags. I thought it would be a laugh to make fun of him because of it, saying "Come on! What's wrong with you?". Turns out he has arthritis. And Parkinson's Disease. He left, more than angry. FML

Today, I rang my dad to tell him and my half-sister that I'm finally engaged. I then asked my half-sister to tell my stepmother. Still on speaker, I heard her run upstairs and pass the good news on. My stepmother responded with 'Cery who?', followed by 'So what? I can't stand her'. I'm Cery. FML

#7376584
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27652) - you deserved it (2032)

On 01/16/2010 at 11:29am - misc - by ThatCery (woman) - United Kingdom (St. Helens)

Today, I went to see John Mayer. Being 6'2", I didn't think there would be any trouble seeing the stage, until three 6'6" men stood directly in front of me, pissed in a cup and managed to spill it over me. FML

#7368221
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26851) - you deserved it (4263)

On 01/15/2010 at 10:30pm - misc - by edot (man) - United Kingdom (Leicestershire)

Today, I received a phone call from my son's school. Apparently, for the past week he has been telling everyone "mummy works as a drug dealer." I'm a pharmacist. FML

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by writing "we're through fat slob" on my forehead whilst I was asleep in permanent marker. FML

#7341507
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33670) - you deserved it (4481)

On 01/14/2010 at 5:35pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I met my boyfriend's notoriously difficult mother. I had been looking forward to meeting her and making a good impression. Unfortunately, I could not greet her as her son's penis was still in my mouth. FML

#7318001
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26571) - you deserved it (13559)

On 01/13/2010 at 11:42am - intimacy - by pleasedtomeetyou (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was going out with my supermodel-gorgeous friend, so I put extra effort into looking good. I thought I looked pretty good, but when we got to the station, a drunk old man looked at us and loudly announced "That's always the way it is, there's a fit one and an ugly one". FML

#7316718
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28300) - you deserved it (2961)

On 01/13/2010 at 9:06am - love - by uglyone (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I had to pull cheese out of my PS3's disc tray because my younger brother assumed all PS3's could grill stuff because "Youtube told him." FML

#7315075
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29694) - you deserved it (2822)

On 01/13/2010 at 3:46am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my young son swung a plastic pipe, it makes a kind of whistling sound as it spins around. I was standing a little too close, luckily it missed both my legs, but hit my happy sacks full on. FML

#7297825
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22057) - you deserved it (4953)

On 01/12/2010 at 10:27am - kids - by Dr_Dolittle (man) - United Kingdom (Merseyside)



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