Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, whilst working at the supermarket, a man came through my checkout who couldn't open the plastic bags. I thought it would be a laugh to make fun of him because of it, saying "Come on! What's wrong with you?". Turns out he has arthritis. And Parkinson's Disease. He left, more than angry. FML

Today, I rang my dad to tell him and my half-sister that I'm finally engaged. I then asked my half-sister to tell my stepmother. Still on speaker, I heard her run upstairs and pass the good news on. My stepmother responded with 'Cery who?', followed by 'So what? I can't stand her'. I'm Cery. FML

#7376584
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27617) - you deserved it (2031)

On 01/16/2010 at 11:29am - misc - by ThatCery (woman) - United Kingdom (St. Helens)

Today, I went to see John Mayer. Being 6'2", I didn't think there would be any trouble seeing the stage, until three 6'6" men stood directly in front of me, pissed in a cup and managed to spill it over me. FML

#7368221
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26822) - you deserved it (4263)

On 01/15/2010 at 10:30pm - misc - by edot (man) - United Kingdom (Leicestershire)

Today, I received a phone call from my son's school. Apparently, for the past week he has been telling everyone "mummy works as a drug dealer." I'm a pharmacist. FML

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by writing "we're through fat slob" on my forehead whilst I was asleep in permanent marker. FML

#7341507
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33633) - you deserved it (4479)

On 01/14/2010 at 5:35pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I met my boyfriend's notoriously difficult mother. I had been looking forward to meeting her and making a good impression. Unfortunately, I could not greet her as her son's penis was still in my mouth. FML

#7318001
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26532) - you deserved it (13544)

On 01/13/2010 at 11:42am - intimacy - by pleasedtomeetyou (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was going out with my supermodel-gorgeous friend, so I put extra effort into looking good. I thought I looked pretty good, but when we got to the station, a drunk old man looked at us and loudly announced "That's always the way it is, there's a fit one and an ugly one". FML

#7316718
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28269) - you deserved it (2960)

On 01/13/2010 at 9:06am - love - by uglyone (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I had to pull cheese out of my PS3's disc tray because my younger brother assumed all PS3's could grill stuff because "Youtube told him." FML

#7315075
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29331) - you deserved it (2791)

On 01/13/2010 at 3:46am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my young son swung a plastic pipe, it makes a kind of whistling sound as it spins around. I was standing a little too close, luckily it missed both my legs, but hit my happy sacks full on. FML

#7297825
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22031) - you deserved it (4952)

On 01/12/2010 at 10:27am - kids - by Dr_Dolittle (man) - United Kingdom (Merseyside)

Today, while playing spin the bottle, my two spins landed on two really pretty girls. The first girl I missed and kissed her chin. The second girl I headbutted and gave a nosebleed. FML

#7258041
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11198) - you deserved it (38503)

On 01/10/2010 at 1:13pm - love - by Olihime (man) - United Kingdom (Leicester)

Today, I spent about half an hour trying to decide whether to buy a top, because even though it was lovely, it was really expensive. Eventually, after deciding to buy it because I could always return it if I changed my mind, I got home and realised I'd left it on the bus. FML

#7235874
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14223) - you deserved it (27444)

On 01/09/2010 at 1:00pm - money - by Gabi (woman) - United Kingdom (Lancashire)

Today, the guy I have been seeing stopped me in the middle of sex and told me to finish him off by going down on him instead. After a few minutes, I looked up to discover that the noises I had thought were moans of pleasure were actually the sounds of him snoring. FML

#7234085
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16780) - you deserved it (4130)

On 01/09/2010 at 10:56am - intimacy - by bjfail (woman) - United Kingdom (North Yorkshire)

Today, I was at a band practice. The band was talking to each other with language like "cadence", "resolution" and "consecutive fifths". When they spoke to me, they used terms like "tick", "bong", "ticky bong"; and "bongy tick". Musically, I feel like a baboon. FML

#7233088
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20099) - you deserved it (6114)

On 01/09/2010 at 8:48am - misc - by Fredgruff (man) - United Kingdom (London)



FML's blog

  • AD_e's Illustrated FML
  • Hi gang ! It's Friday once more and time for us to go on a magical mystery tour around the brain of yet another illustrator. This week, things have happened around the world that were so depressing, I don't…

Monday 18 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: