FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I was confronted by my father after I got back home from a party in the early hours. He demanded to know if I'd been doing any drugs, and then decided to give me a scare lecture on the dangers of alcohol. I'd had a few beers. He had the smell of tequila on his breath. FML

by Anonymous / 09/30/2011 at 10:18pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, my violent housemate qualified for a gun license. She picks up her bolt-action rifle on Wednesday. FML

by Help. / 09/29/2011 at 1:36pm / United Kingdom (Kingston upon Hull) / Miscellaneous

Today, after being in the UK for 2 months, I learned that when saying, "I'm about to blow off and kill someone", to the British "blow off" means "fart." This was pointed out to me in an open-space office after a particularly loud rant. FML

by AngerManagement / 09/29/2011 at 4:04am / United Kingdom / Work

Today, my co-workers agreed that I was the one causing the elevator to be over its weight limit. When I protested, saying that I only weigh around 150 pounds, one asked me if that included the weight of my wheelchair. They made me get out. FML

by Anonymous / 09/29/2011 at 3:34am / United Kingdom / Work

Today, it's my birthday. My girlfriend gave me a Paul Frank t-shirt. It says "I'm single." FML

by happybirthday / 09/26/2011 at 1:06pm / United Kingdom (London) / Love

Today, I was trying to be sexy and rub my boyfriend's un-aroused package while we were watching a movie. I couldn't find it. FML

by Oops / 09/26/2011 at 11:35am / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Intimacy

Today, out of my bedroom window, I can see my next door neighbour's window. On his ledge, I can see binoculars, tissues and vaseline. FML

by Anonymous / 09/24/2011 at 3:22am / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy

Today, I had my car valeted at my hotel. The manager came out, took my keys, and said the car would be waiting for me in an hour. I was then forced to watch from the lobby as the "manager" sped off downtown. FML

by hatty / 09/23/2011 at 9:48am / United Kingdom (East Lothian) / Transportation

Today, I was introducing my American cousin to the peaceful English village I live in. Just as I was reassuring her that the people were very friendly and welcoming, a car drove past and pelted us with eggs. FML

by egghead / 09/23/2011 at 4:31am / United Kingdom / Transportation

Today, a fly got stuck up my nose while I was giving a speech. FML

by agent_awesome / 09/21/2011 at 11:25am / United Kingdom / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my girlfriend started to plan our wedding. We've been going out for 3 days. FML

by Anonymous / 09/21/2011 at 8:38am / United Kingdom / Love

Today, a guy who I hate commented on my Facebook profile picture that I "look like I've fallen off the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down." 60 people liked this, including my boyfriend and best friend. FML

by chloeguest97 / 09/20/2011 at 11:15am / United Kingdom (Solihull) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that one of my university flatmates arrived early for Freshers Week, and had a party which involved the place being trashed. I'm going to lose some of my deposit for damage caused before I even arrived. FML

by Authentik8 / 09/16/2011 at 6:10pm / United Kingdom (Croydon) / Miscellaneous