FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I spun a two year old upside down, in circles. She wasn't remotely dizzy. I threw up on myself. FML

by Anonymous / 01/12/2012 at 1:41pm / United Kingdom (London) / Kids

Today, my toaster scared me. Again. FML

by Anonymous / 01/12/2012 at 11:33am / United Kingdom (Armagh) / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried a self-tanner in an attempt to rid myself of my ghost-white legs. I got my wish, but instead of a warm golden tan, I have red, swollen, lobster-like marks sticking out from the bottom half of my torso. FML

by owwwwwe / 01/09/2012 at 4:48pm / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Health

Today, it's my anniversary. I've been a single cat-lady for exactly one year. FML

by catlady / 01/09/2012 at 11:56am / United Kingdom (Bexley) / Love

Today, at our wedding reception my new father-in-law gave his speech, saying his little girl was too good for me. Everyone, including my parents, agreed. FML

by shades / 01/08/2012 at 10:43pm / United Kingdom / Love

Today, I accidentally called my teacher "Babe". FML

by randomgirl / 01/07/2012 at 9:12am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother thought it would be a good idea to tell me that I was conceived on an airplane toilet. FML

by Gemma / 01/06/2012 at 6:16pm / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Intimacy

Today, I was on Skype with the guy I like. After a while of being on Facebook I forgot I was on webcam to him and started picking my nose. He ended the call. FML

by louise / 01/05/2012 at 2:35pm / United Kingdom (Bristol) / Love

Today, I was on the train listening to my iPod on shuffle. The "Oompa Loompa" song came on, and slightly amused, I started humming it. It wasn't until I noticed that the man next to me was a midget that I understood the horrified looks I was getting. FML

by lorahayes / 01/05/2012 at 1:39pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend dumped me, all because he's scared of my mother. FML

by Anonymous / 01/05/2012 at 11:58am / United Kingdom (London) / Love

Today, my dad had a day off and was 'bored' so he decided to move our entire kitchen into our living room. We now have no running water, no oven that works and the entire house is a bombsite. He has an entire week off. FML

by mazzer / 01/03/2012 at 9:04pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I ignored my phone, as my mother has dementia and calls me 15 or so times a day, thinking each time is the first. I braved horrendous rain and gale-force winds to go to work. Turns out it was work calling to tell me not to bother coming in. FML

by sparkx555 / 01/03/2012 at 11:07am / United Kingdom (London) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I told my parents that I wanted to donate blood. My dad helpfully interjected, "Sorry, they don't accept blood from gingers." FML

by GingerJ / 01/01/2012 at 8:22pm / United Kingdom (London) / Health