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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, it was my first ever live piano performance. It went all great until the end, when I stood up, slipped, and smashed face-first into the keys. I've lost half a tooth and all my dignity. FML

#21100221
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42895) - you deserved it (3429)

On 03/30/2014 at 2:45pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, I asked my daughter to buy me two pints of milk. Apparently, the shop only had four-pints, so she got that and poured half down the drain. FML

#21099986
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43758) - you deserved it (6367)

On 03/30/2014 at 6:04am - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Havering)

Today, while searching a woman for contraband as part of my job, she kept making sexual noises throughout. After I finished, she hugged me and went on her way. I really need a new job. FML

#21099601
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37163) - you deserved it (4276)

On 03/29/2014 at 7:07pm - work - by ohdear. (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my parents and I attended the funeral of my husband's mother. It was open-casket, and my parents went to take a look. My mum muttered, "With a dress that tacky, no wonder she died", and my dad chuckled. A fight quickly erupted, and the police were called. FML

#21099545
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44143) - you deserved it (4829)

On 03/29/2014 at 5:31pm - misc - by disgusted (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I had to calm my rather gullible boyfriend down and reassure him that the email he got, telling him that he has AIDS, was just a scam. FML

#21098742
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36110) - you deserved it (3955)

On 03/28/2014 at 6:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I still have my ridiculous fear of being heard on the toilet, and I can't go if people are around. I'd just sat down on the toilet when three of my housemates started chatting immediately outside the door. I had to sit silently until they were gone. For half an hour. FML

#21097662
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34772) - you deserved it (8807)

On 03/27/2014 at 10:12am - misc - by Dragoness11 - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, I found out that, after having moved over 500 miles to begin a post-graduate degree, I'm being kicked out of the house I'm renting. We haven't yet signed agreements. Apparently I "keep the kitchen too clean". FML

#21097212
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37768) - you deserved it (3259)

On 03/26/2014 at 7:45pm - work - by homeless - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, I faced my social anxiety and went to a chip shop on my own. I tried to have a conversation with the owner, but his thick accent made it difficult. He now knows where I live, what college I go to and I'm pretty sure I agreed to go to India with him. FML

#21096939
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36717) - you deserved it (7417)

On 03/26/2014 at 2:06pm - misc - by sociallyawkward (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, due to a combination of boredom and a faulty hair dryer, I now have singed pubes and burned balls. FML

#21096245
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21624) - you deserved it (50107)

On 03/25/2014 at 5:20pm - intimacy - by testacular (man) - United Kingdom (Plymouth)

Today, I went to a coffee shop. As I headed over to stand in line, I tripped over my own feet. I got back up, then tripped up yet again. Everyone was staring, and I was so mortified that I went to leave. I then struggled with the door under their glares before realising it opened the other way. FML

#21094549
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40526) - you deserved it (6097)

On 03/23/2014 at 7:02pm - misc - by butterbody - United Kingdom

Today, my brother tried to pay me to teach him how to French-kiss, so he wouldn't screw up on his first date. I'm shocked that the weirdo managed to get a date in the first place. FML

#21094457
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40504) - you deserved it (4110)

On 03/23/2014 at 4:25pm - love - by doesn't fuck on the first, thank god (woman) - United Kingdom (Southend-on-Sea)

Today, my husband actually tried to pay me to forget about the affair that he's been having. FML

#21092678
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45044) - you deserved it (3970)

On 03/21/2014 at 2:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Kingston upon Thames)

Today, for the third time this week, a random person in the street walked up to me and told me how much I look like Grumpy Cat. FML

#21091998
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35496) - you deserved it (4983)

On 03/20/2014 at 6:18pm - misc - by no (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)



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