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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, my 16-year-old brother once again scored well at a local archery competition. He got home and, once again, unleashed his "spectacular aim" at the toilet - or rather the toilet seat and surrounding floor. He refuses to clean the bathroom we share every single time he does this. FML

#21290633
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25885) - you deserved it (2030)

On 11/02/2014 at 4:28pm - health - by Mojo0608 (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was shopping for a new deodorant, and this guy was standing in the way. He wouldn't move, so I crouched down to get the one I wanted, right when he did the most violent fart right in my face. Then his wife came over, made a face and he whispered, "I think that girl just farted". FML

#21290313
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35378) - you deserved it (3137)

On 11/02/2014 at 6:28am - health - by smellyhair - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a Halloween party with people from work. As the night passed, my boss got hammered and started throwing food at people. It was fun and games until I accidentally spilled his 10th beer. His response? To slam a hollowed out pumpkin full of chocolate mousse over my head. FML

#21289623
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30477) - you deserved it (3730)

On 11/01/2014 at 10:26am - misc - by helosthisshit (man) - United Kingdom (West Lothian)

Today, my boyfriend told my four-year-old sister that "fatass" means "beautiful lady." I didn't know about this until I took my sister shopping with me. The woman at the till said she was adorable; my sister replied, "Thanks, fatass." FML

#21288917
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31183) - you deserved it (2606)

On 10/31/2014 at 6:55am - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Rhondda Cynon Taff)

Today, the fire alarm keeps going off at my apartment. Not only is the noise ear-piercingly loud enough to wake the entire neighbourhood, there's also a big flashing red light in case the deafening sound isn't enough. This is my day off. It's going on all day. FML

#21288915
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25817) - you deserved it (2121)

On 10/31/2014 at 6:42am - misc - by Shutup! - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I walked in on my little brother making a Devil's trap so he could capture the demon he thinks is possessing my hamster. FML

#21287735
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31472) - you deserved it (3131)

On 10/29/2014 at 3:39pm - kids - by lexigan4 (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I wanted to spice things up in the bedroom with my husband, so I set up some Halloween torches to create a wild ambiance. Unfortunately our dickhead neighbours saw the glow, didn't remember that fire tends to give off smoke, and called the fire department on us. FML

#21287079
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31990) - you deserved it (6090)

On 10/28/2014 at 4:45pm - intimacy - by BurnedDown (woman) - United Kingdom (East Riding of Yorkshire)

Today, I went to a first aid training course. I had to lie on the floor and pretend I was unconscious. We were supposed to be doing the recovery position, but the guy I was working with decided to perform CPR instead and grope my boobs in the process. FML

#21287010
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31856) - you deserved it (2908)

On 10/28/2014 at 2:35pm - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, let's just say it's not always a good idea to storm into your mum's bedroom after hearing several loud slaps accompanied by yelps. What sounds like domestic violence might just be your mum and step-dad's foreplay. For Christ's sake, I need brain bleach. FML

#21285126
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34219) - you deserved it (7717)

On 10/25/2014 at 5:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, my boyfriend and I tried roleplaying a teacher-student during sex. We're both studying to be actors, so we ended up going into a really deep, emotional storyline that didn't end in sex at all. FML

#21284275
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36403) - you deserved it (10604)

On 10/24/2014 at 6:54am - intimacy - by too good - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I walked in on my girlfriend cheating on me. The guy turned around and said, "Sorry, I borrowed your condoms." FML

#21283288
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41240) - you deserved it (3106)

On 10/22/2014 at 6:38pm - intimacy - by BadLuckLad (man) - United Kingdom (Portsmouth)

Today, I tried to seduce my boyfriend so I mounted him and began kissing him. He immediately pretended to snore into my mouth and rolled over, making me fall off of the bed. FML

#21283230
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30944) - you deserved it (4099)

On 10/22/2014 at 5:24pm - intimacy - by CJune24 (woman) - United Kingdom (Kirklees)

Today, my annoying colleague gasped, wrapped her arms around herself, started sweating and curled up in a ball crying, "No, no, no" in front of several customers. They accused me of 'setting her off', when I blurted out, "Sorry, she gets panic attacks". All I did was say the word 'abortion'. FML

#21281594
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30220) - you deserved it (5483)

On 10/20/2014 at 4:31am - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom



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