FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I ate out, even though I was tired. When my main course arrived, I realised I had sent both my forks away with the starter plate. Rather than say anything, I ate dinner with two knives. FML

by knife knife / 09/19/2016 at 8:38pm / United Kingdom (Midlothian) / Miscellaneous

Today, I screamed at a taxi driver to not run over a hedgehog. He got a fright and ended up pulling over. I hopped out and ran to the middle of the road to pick up the hedgehog and leave him on the grass by the path. As I got closer and went to pick up said hedgehog, I realised it was a pinecone. FML

by simpleasjam / 09/19/2016 at 10:27am / United Kingdom (Sutton) / Animals

Today, I found out why my wife has been upset with me for the last week. She told me this morning that I did something to upset her on our date night last Friday, she won't tell me what, and she said she'll leave me if I do it again. FML

by dazedandconfused / 09/18/2016 at 5:44am / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Love

Today, in science class, I was bored and playing with a paper towel, dipping it into a container of water. When my teacher caught me and asked what I was doing, I panicked and said I was 'drying the water'. FML

by slitherasssnape / 09/13/2016 at 2:53pm / United Kingdom (Milton Keynes) / Work

Today, I called my boyfriend and asked if he wanted to come watch a movie. He seemed eager, until I said I needed the company because my period had started. He then went dead silent, waited a few seconds before starting to fake-snore, then hung up on me. FML

by Anonymous / 09/07/2016 at 10:00am / United Kingdom / Health

Today, I finished writing my Masters thesis. It's 25,000 words long. I showed it to my tutor, who told me it was completely wrong and that I have to start again from scratch. It's due in two weeks. FML

by n3rdzgotskillz / 09/06/2016 at 10:45pm / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend told me he'd drive me to the jeweler's to pick out a ring. We drove there, I picked the ring, and the sales person rang it up. I glanced at my boyfriend, only for him to reply, "Well don't look at me!" FML

by Anonymous / 09/02/2016 at 10:50am / United Kingdom (Somerset) / Love

Today, I accidentally sent my boss an explicit text message. She replied saying, "Very detailed, if only you put that much effort into your work". FML

by whoops / 09/02/2016 at 10:49am / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Work

Today, I made spaghetti bolognese for three people. Of those three people, only one got food poisoning. Me. FML

by Dizzie Rascal / 08/31/2016 at 7:01am / United Kingdom / Health

Today, whilst at work, I was serving a customer when her kid runs up to me and throws up. It was a 10-hour shift, I was one hour in. FML

by fenris / 08/30/2016 at 1:36pm / United Kingdom (Cornwall) / Work

Today, my boss told me that he’d hired me because he thought I looked intelligent. He then went on to say that it was about time that I proved that I was. FML

by fabiennemorin35 / 08/30/2016 at 5:29am / United Kingdom (Cardiff) / Work

Today, my dad is obsessed with making sure that I am not in any way 'bare' in front of the windows of our house. Which is surrounded by tall trees, five metres worth of tall trees. I'm not sure whether to be creeped out that someone might see me or that my dad is unhealthily obsessed about this. FML

Today, I made quite an impression on my new bin men by forgetting to put the bin out 'til the last minute. I'm sure they enjoyed a good laugh at the woman in shorts, tank top and slippers struggling with a brolly as she slipped and slid while dragging her bin up a hill in a downpour. FML

by Impressionist / 08/25/2016 at 7:17am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous