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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I brought my girlfriend home to introduce to my parents. My dad thought it would be hilarious to fill some clear bags full of flour, then pretend he was sampling a cocaine shipment when she arrived. She excused herself very quickly and isn't answering my calls. FML

#21399378
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4614) - you deserved it (374)

On 04/25/2015 at 6:34am - love - by a critically injured shitehawk (man) - United Kingdom (York)

Today, it was my 18th birthday and I was told I couldn't get the night off work because a party of 34 had booked into the restaurant. It turned out my family had come in to 'celebrate' by making me wait on them. They were a nightmare, thought it was hilarious to be difficult, and didn't tip. FML

#21398382
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32231) - you deserved it (2089)

On 04/23/2015 at 8:28am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Dundee City)

Today, whilst in the last week of my notice period, I was instructed by my boss to tell six new employees that their jobs had fallen through before they'd even started. Later that afternoon, I received a call from my line manager. Guess whose own job has fallen through too. FML

#21397399
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23940) - you deserved it (1769)

On 04/21/2015 at 12:45pm - work - by Karma (woman) - United Kingdom (Newport)

Today, I started getting really bad chest pains at work. I googled it and the internet convinced me I was having a heart attack. Scared for my life, I started to dial for an ambulance when I let out the biggest fart you could ever imagine. Turns out it was trapped gas. FML

#21397265
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24216) - you deserved it (9027)

On 04/21/2015 at 3:55am - health - by Not dying. (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I had a theatre performance. I had to put on a lot of makeup for the role, and one of the guys said I looked nice. I smiled and said thanks. Seconds later, I'd been sucker-punched by his girlfriend for "flirting" with her man. FML

#21396780
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26302) - you deserved it (1838)

On 04/20/2015 at 10:45am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Leicester)

Today, I was playing Monopoly with my extended family. When my wife came home, she kicked me out of the game and took all my money and property. When I said she couldn't do that, she said "Sure I can. It's called divorce." Everyone laughed. Now I'm bored as hell, watching everyone else play. FML

#21395300
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27743) - you deserved it (3366)

On 04/17/2015 at 4:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my roommate wants to kick me out because I can't afford to pay my share of the rent this month. I couldn't afford to, because I had to pay for repairs to my car after my roommate got drunk, stole my keys, and crashed it into a street light. FML

#21394027
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35569) - you deserved it (2578)

On 04/15/2015 at 10:32am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, my husband of 3 weeks told me he doesn't want to be married anymore because I suggested getting a joint bank account. FML

#21393373
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27528) - you deserved it (3761)

On 04/14/2015 at 3:21am - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, my son invited me to his first standup comedy gig. I accepted, only to later suffer through an hour of the worst jokes I've heard in my entire life. It was so bad, he made Dane Cook look like a comic genius, and I had to resist heckling him. Hours later, I still feel vaguely suicidal. FML

#21392908
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26018) - you deserved it (5073)

On 04/13/2015 at 11:23am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I got headbutted for saying that Nutella is overrated. FML

#21391724
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27200) - you deserved it (16690)

On 04/11/2015 at 8:34am - health - by jamisbetter - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend told me he's prepared to commit to marriage, but only if I buy my own ring and tell everyone he surprised me with it. FML

#21391357
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28764) - you deserved it (3070)

On 04/10/2015 at 4:19pm - love - by undanya__four (woman) - United Kingdom (Bristol, City of)

Today, after locking myself out of my house, I let myself into my car to wait on someone with a spare key. It took me 15 minutes to realise the house and car key share the same ring. FML

#21390076
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18965) - you deserved it (15366)

On 04/08/2015 at 3:36pm - misc - by losing the plot (man) - United Kingdom (Bristol, City of)

Today, my morbidly obese mother gave me an angry lecture at dinner, saying without any trace of irony that my vegetarian diet is "unhealthy and utterly unacceptable". FML

#21388006
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29934) - you deserved it (3305)

On 04/05/2015 at 11:38am - misc - by tardspawn (man) - United Kingdom (West Sussex)



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