FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, I woke up with intense pain and bruising. It turned out I'd suffered such a rare kind of wrist bone dislocation that the doctors aren't sure how to fix it. FML

by chazzywazzy654 / 05/27/2016 at 9:20am / United Kingdom (Ealing) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went into my kitchen after placing a line of salt across the floor in front of the back door the night before to ward off slugs that keep getting in, only to find 12 idiotic slugs dead and shrivelled up, leaving a horrible gooey mess. I don't know why I expected any intelligence from them. FML

by Spongebob Garypants / 05/25/2016 at 10:05pm / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Animals

Today, I was woken at 4 a.m. by the sounds of someone crashing down the stairs. I scrambled out, still half-asleep, to find out that nobody was in an agonized heap at the bottom. The walls are so thin in my house that I could hear the neighbour falling down HIS stairs. FML

by LostSleep / 05/24/2016 at 5:54pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, the checkout guy at my local store asked me if I had my hair cut. I answered and started talking about my hair, and he gave me a really weird look. He was talking to his friend, who I hadn't noticed in the queue behind me. FML

by figcurzyez / 05/23/2016 at 11:57am / United Kingdom (Essex) / Miscellaneous

Today, a motorist yelled at me for texting and driving. I was too ashamed to admit that I'd been admiring the booger I just picked from my nose. FML

by lohandork / 05/22/2016 at 1:33pm / United Kingdom (Wandsworth) / Transportation

Today, I needed the toilet in the night. Walking through my pitch black house barefoot, I felt something squish beneath my heel. Thinking it was a morsel of previously dropped food, I turned on the light to clean it up. My eyes met a twitching gecko body, with a flattened, exploded head. FML

by Kakapo4Ever / 05/20/2016 at 5:01am / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got a letter stating that now that I'm in my mid-twenties, I need to start getting cervical exams. The only people interested in getting anywhere near my vagina are doctors. FML

by CarouselHeart / 05/18/2016 at 4:09pm / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Health

Today, my boyfriend was extremely angry. He found a naked photograph of me online that he thought I'd been sending to other guys. It wasn't me. FML

by Anonymous / 05/12/2016 at 3:32am / United Kingdom / Geek

Today, the canteen of the company I work for introduced a cash-less payment method to purchase food. To use it, employees must download the app, which is only available for iPhones. I have a BlackBerry. FML

by Katyness / 05/10/2016 at 4:20pm / United Kingdom / Work

Today, a woman rear-ended my car. She's trying to sue me for 'emotional damage'. FML

by jameen / 05/07/2016 at 7:48am / United Kingdom (West Berkshire) / Intimacy

Today, working as a veterinarian, I received a complaint from a client. He said I sucked at my job, purely because I implied he should have brought his severely ill cat in a lot sooner. Which he should have. FML

by lucywatson / 05/06/2016 at 3:06pm / United Kingdom / Work

Today, I was out shopping with my son and unbeknownst to me, he had secretly added a bunch of expensive games he wanted to the trolley. I was too embarrassed at the till to make a fuss as there was a huge line behind me. I watched as my normal £50 shopping bill climbed to over £400. FML

by pissed off mother / 05/05/2016 at 1:55pm / United Kingdom (Leeds) / Money

Today, I found out that my daughter not only has a boyfriend, but that they're trying for a baby. She's barely 15. FML

by Anonymous / 05/04/2016 at 10:15am / United Kingdom (Cornwall) / Kids