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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United Kingdom

Today, while driving on the motorway, I sneezed so hard my contacts popped out. FML

#21525728
11 comments

I agree, your life sucks (876) - you deserved it (65)

On 02/13/2016 at 4:25am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Bournemouth)

Today, I ended up in the ER because I ruptured a testicle by accidentally sitting on it. Last time I ever go commando. FML

#21525521
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13156) - you deserved it (2868)

On 02/12/2016 at 2:10pm - health - by neveragain (man) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I had to give up going to a therapist because it was too expensive and my parents couldn't afford it. Meanwhile, a girl in my class is getting a therapist for her dog. FML

#21524514
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18626) - you deserved it (1406)

On 02/09/2016 at 6:21pm - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I learnt what my boss meant when he said he would 'get his revenge on me' for winning a bet. I have to clean all the rooms that currently have a couple staying in it on February 15th. I don't want to work in a hotel anymore. FML

#21524475
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17059) - you deserved it (1403)

On 02/09/2016 at 4:53pm - work - by Hello condoms and lube (woman) - United Kingdom (East Sussex)

Today, my boyfriend said he was too tired to have sex with me because he'd spent the whole day jerking off. FML

#21524473
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19393) - you deserved it (2236)

On 02/09/2016 at 4:51pm - intimacy - by hannieannie - United Kingdom (Oxfordshire)

Today, the power in my village went out. This caused the back-up battery powered alarm to go off. Nobody in the house even knew our alarm worked, let alone how to make it stop. It's been going off for over an hour now. FML

#21524147
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16061) - you deserved it (1518)

On 02/08/2016 at 5:55pm - misc - by James (man) - United Kingdom (Sheffield)

Today, I saw my grandfather on the train, with his cock out. FML

#21523681
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21617) - you deserved it (1620)

On 02/07/2016 at 12:59pm - intimacy - by OhDearGodGrandad (man) - United Kingdom (Redbridge)

Today, we had my grandmother with dementia round for tea. She looked me up and down and said, very matter-of-factly, "Well, with a figure like that, no one will rape you." FML

#21522996
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19431) - you deserved it (1773)

On 02/05/2016 at 5:27am - intimacy - by Sgt_Jackrum (woman) - United Kingdom (Sandwell)

Today, a long standing fantasy was ruined when the only lasting impression from my first threesome was of how good my boyfriend is at giving other guys a blowjob. FML

#21522994
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19195) - you deserved it (6718)

On 02/05/2016 at 4:55am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, after years of lonesome birthdays overseas, I am finally able to celebrate the occasion at home. My best friend of 10 years will not be attending because her boyfriend of two months is having his party the same night. FML

Today, it's been about 8 months since I moved into my studio flat. It was already furnished, there was no bed but a fancy bedseat from Ikea. I slept uncomfortably on it for months until I realised it pulls out to become a double bed. FML

#21521867
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15578) - you deserved it (10642)

On 02/01/2016 at 6:11pm - misc - by scottishoatmeal - United Kingdom (Perth and Kinross)

Today, I woke up with an extremely irritable rash around my crotch. I didn't want to full out itch it by putting my hands down my pants, so I itched it by putting my hand in my pockets. I got kicked off the train for "pleasuring myself in public." FML

#21521769
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19472) - you deserved it (4877)

On 02/01/2016 at 12:00pm - intimacy - by IsThisRealLife (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my grandmother yet again asked where my grandfather is. She refuses to believe us when we tell her that he passed away 6 years ago. She always insists that he's out cheating on her and accuses us of lying to cover his arse. FML

#21521394
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22179) - you deserved it (1383)

On 01/31/2016 at 7:11am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Torfaen)



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