FMLs submitted from Sweden

Today, I was sick, and my voice was really low and raspy. A cute guy smiled at me and said hi, so I said hi too. He looked shocked and said, "Sorry bro, thought you were a girl." I am. FML

by Anonymous / 06/05/2015 at 8:21am / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Love

Today, I read my 10-year-old sister's diary. That's how I found out about her disturbingly detailed plan to murder me, make it look like suicide, date my boyfriend after helping him get over my death, then marry him. FML

by Anonymus / 04/18/2015 at 3:01am / Sweden / Kids

Today, my boss called me, furious about how I "never answer my phone", especially when important clients are trying to reach me, and how unprofessional I am. I make very sure to never miss any calls, my boss just keeps giving out the wrong number to people. FML

by O / 02/24/2015 at 5:19am / Sweden / Work

Today, my fiancée told me about her new diet. Apparently, she is only going to drink water and tan in a tanning bed so she can photosynthesise. She thinks this will help her lose weight, since she doesn't have to eat anything. I'm dating a dumbass. FML

by lucas90 / 02/04/2015 at 4:42pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I realized why you should never wear a thong under yoga pants that are a couple of sizes too small. It's a weird thing, seeing your co-worker's anus. FML

by Anonymous / 01/26/2015 at 6:24pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Miscellaneous

Today, while heading to the bathroom, I saw my girlfriend putting some lingerie under my bed. I stupidly thought it was for some sexy time later. Well, later on, she dramatically "found" the lingerie and broke up with me. Almost everyone believes her story and thinks I'm a dirty cheater. FML

by je suis christy / 01/09/2015 at 2:04pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Love

Today, I found out my 7-year-old daughter really did lie about my husband's "other girlfriend" as revenge for being grounded, and that he never cheated on me at all. We're well into our divorce proceedings and he won't forgive me for not believing him when he denied it. FML

by skanula414 / 12/31/2014 at 2:00pm / Sweden (Skane Lan) / Kids

Today, I met an American guy at a bar. I felt flattered when he said, "You know what they say about Swedish girls, all so beautiful." After a pause, he filled in with, "What the fuck happened to you?" FML

by peceout / 12/02/2014 at 3:48am / Sweden (Hallands Lan) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I met my best friend's girlfriend for the first time. After a few hours of talking and eating, she followed me to the bathroom and said, dead serious, ''If you ever touch him or get too close to him, I will cut you''. I've known him for twelve years, they have been dating for a month. FML

by ohwell / 11/24/2014 at 8:44am / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Love

Today, my dad got so drunk that he forgot my name. He started calling me "It". FML

by ItGirl / 11/08/2014 at 9:36pm / Sweden (Sodermanlands Lan) / Miscellaneous

Today, after getting stressed out by my parents having a serious fight for hours, I'm now listening to their make-up sex. FML

by housewiththinwalls / 10/10/2014 at 7:22pm / Sweden / Intimacy

Today, my best friend, who I've been in love with for nearly a decade, asked me to help him set up an online dating profile. During our 4-hour conversation, as he waded through the profiles, he complained that it was impossible for him to find a girl to have a meaningful conversation with. FML

by EosThorn / 10/01/2014 at 9:33pm / Sweden (Kronobergs Lan) / Love

Today, I looked up my childhood bully on Facebook, hoping she'd gone fat and ugly. Turns out she's drop-dead gorgeous and very successful. FML

by Anonymous / 09/20/2014 at 11:28am / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Miscellaneous