FMLs submitted from Sri Lanka

Today, I accidentally farted while on my flight home. It was silent but so deadly that several people were visibly distressed. The overweight guy sitting next to me got a bunch of dirty glares. I was too ashamed to own up to it. FML

by Anonymous / 12/18/2015 at 8:34am / Sri Lanka (Western) / Transportation

Today, a colleague told me he was pretending to be me on a dating site, and that he has four pending dates. Last time I tried being myself, my first and only date pushed me down some stairs. FML

by Anonymous / 12/10/2015 at 3:19am / Sri Lanka (Western) / Love

Today, my scumbag landlady broke into my place and stole my mop, which I refused to give her earlier. She denied everything and tried to convince me that some criminal broke in using a key, stole only my mop, and was nice enough to lock up on the way out. FML

by Anonymous / 01/07/2015 at 11:29am / Sri Lanka / Miscellaneous

Today, my parents used my going away party as a cover up for my sister's surprise party. I didn't know until they brought out the cake. FML

by Anonymous / 01/09/2014 at 9:45pm / Sri Lanka / Miscellaneous

Today, I was having sex with my wife, when she fell asleep. She then woke up and started moaning, clearly faking an orgasm. FML

by biggieT / 06/13/2012 at 10:21pm / Sri Lanka (Western) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He said it was because my mom's lazy eye creeps him out, and that my dad hates him. She doesn't have a lazy eye, he's never met my dad, never seen my mom, and now according to his friends, he's been cheating on me for the past two weeks. FML

by Anonymous / 05/19/2012 at 7:20pm / Sri Lanka (Western) / Love

Today, I decided to make home made french fries. I figured all I needed was potatoes and salt, right? Wrong! I also needed the fire department and an ambulance. FML

by anonymous / 10/08/2011 at 11:36am / Sri Lanka / Miscellaneous