FMLs submitted from Spain

Today, I tried a new sugar scrub soap that's supposed to help get rid of cellulite. I didn't read the instructions correctly and now as well as still having the cellulite, my butt looks like I got a massage from an angry cat. FML

by shirley / 02/27/2011 at 9:20pm / Spain / Health

Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML

by Anonymous / 10/13/2010 at 9:20am / Spain (Asturias) / Intimacy

Today, while tuning my bass guitar, I noticed a very strange screeching sound. I leaned over to look behind the neck. The biggest string snapped off and cut the side of my face. FML

by jooshuarr / 06/18/2010 at 7:09pm / Spain (Comunidad Valenciana) / Miscellaneous

Today, my car crashed and the only refuge was at a nearby house, the resident of which was a crazy psycho. Now replace "crazy psycho" with "crazy ex-girlfriend who won't help you unless you compose a poem about how much you love her." FML

by worsethanzombies / 11/23/2009 at 11:40am / Spain (Madrid) / Transportation

Today, my daughter turned 11. Since she LOVES Harry Potter, I decided to write her an acceptance letter to Hogwarts. When she saw the letter, she screamed and showed me. When she found out I wrote it, she told me she hated me, started crying, and stepped on my foot. FML

by notawizard / 07/16/2009 at 6:16am / Spain (Catalonia) / Kids

Today, I went to a restaurant for lunch. The waiter brought some bread and I started eating it as I waited for him to take my order. When he approached me he looked at me and said, "Don't eat too much bread honey. It'll make you fatter." Not fat, fatter. I never thought of myself as fat. FML

by Anonymous / 07/14/2009 at 2:03pm / Spain (Madrid) / Health

Today, I was walking down the street and I saw my brother on the other side of the road. He lives overseas and always told me he would visit when I least expected it. When I saw him, I got so excited I jumped on his back, screaming his name. It wasn't my brother. FML

by getslostinherownhouse / 04/14/2009 at 3:12pm / Spain (Madrid) / Miscellaneous

Today, to ask a boy I really liked to my school's turnabout dance, I gave him a box full of 10 cupcakes that spelled out T-U-R-N-A-B-O-U-T-?. The boy gave the box back a little later. There were two cupcakes left inside. It said N-O. FML

by justanaccount / 02/27/2009 at 2:35pm / Spain (Madrid) / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm in Spain, and told the kids with whom I will be working that I was excited to be working with them. Only the form of excitement I used apparently refers to sexual excitement. Basically, I told the kids I was sexually aroused to be working with them. FML

by thegoldenboy3 / 02/12/2009 at 7:14am / Spain (Andalucia) / Intimacy