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FMLs submitted from South Africa

Today, my new girlfriend's father made good on his "What you do to her I do to you" threat when he took me out for drinks and then drunkenly hit on me. FML

#21518118
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20756) - you deserved it (3019)

On 01/22/2016 at 7:50am - misc - by whattheactualfuck (man) - South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal)

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. He came. A lot. I doubt I'll remember it as anything other than, "The day I found out what sneezing semen feels like." FML

#21499606
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23414) - you deserved it (3460)

On 12/03/2015 at 7:52am - intimacy - by snortingspunk (woman) - South Africa

Today, after working my ass off for months trying to prove myself, I received an email from my boss regarding the end-year function. Excited to be invited, I opened the email just to see I'm the only one being left behind to answer the phones. FML

#21499225
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21831) - you deserved it (1507)

On 12/02/2015 at 5:41am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, my boss confirmed he is a micro-managing asshole. We walked into the office together and I turned on the lights. He switched them off and switched them on again, just to make sure that I did it right. FML

#21497410
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23480) - you deserved it (1509)

On 11/27/2015 at 7:39am - work - by fabz (man) - South Africa (Western Cape)

Today, my dad introduced me as his pet orangutan. I'm a redhead. FML

Today, my dad's order of hair clippers arrived. I've been putting off getting a haircut for a while now, and he offered to give me one for free. Long story short, he managed to ruin the hair clippers, and I now look like a diseased palm tree. FML

#21472769
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20852) - you deserved it (3077)

On 09/25/2015 at 11:40pm - misc - by paaaallllmmmssss (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, after missing college for a week due to illness, I found out my "friends" were bullshitting me about us having to write an important no-extension Biology essay. Copious amounts of my sweat, snot and tears went into that desperation-fueled nightmare. Thanks, dickheads. FML

#21461594
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24355) - you deserved it (2385)

On 08/28/2015 at 2:39am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - South Africa (Western Cape)

Today, while I was taking a long relaxing shower, the shower head decided to fly off and hit me in the face. The dentist couldn't stop laughing. FML

#21458540
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20909) - you deserved it (4906)

On 08/20/2015 at 5:24pm - misc - by sstahpp (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, my husband and I told my parents that I finally managed to conceive. My mom burst into tears of joy and said how great it was that she's finally going to be a "real" grandma, all within earshot of our adopted and now-devastated daughter. FML

#21457997
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36945) - you deserved it (1982)

On 08/19/2015 at 11:00am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - South Africa

Today, I am 1,000 days sober and drug-free. I suffer from depression and I am craving terribly. I have a migraine and a bladder infection. And I can deal with all of this. But what I can't deal with is my dipshit coworker asking if I want to go out for drinks and snort cocaine to celebrate. FML

Today, I got into a fight with my parents when they called me a bad driver. Imagine their smugness when I had to call them two hours later and tell them that I drove into a pole. FML

#21431656
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17049) - you deserved it (23334)

On 06/25/2015 at 6:10am - misc - by ApparentlyBadDriver - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, my sister's kitten walked away from his litter box, jumped onto the table, looked me dead in the eyes, then peed directly onto my laptop. FML

#21401720
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31300) - you deserved it (3138)

On 04/29/2015 at 12:06pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal)

Today, I snuck downstairs to watch a midnight movie. One moment I'm trying to plug my headphones in, in the dark, and the next my dad's beating the shit out of me with a baseball bat. Turns out he snuck down after me for a midnight snack and thought I was a burglar disconnecting the TV. FML

#21399867
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34301) - you deserved it (5084)

On 04/26/2015 at 6:05am - health - by Anonymous (man) - South Africa (Gauteng)



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