Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from Russian Federation

Today, I was playing an intense game of Flappy Bird. I was so excited at being about to beat my high score that I got a hard-on. FML

#21074219
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42276) - you deserved it (19719)

On 02/28/2014 at 5:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Russian Federation (Moskva)

Today, I was back home from work drinking coffee when I heard someone open the door with a key. It was my boyfriend, who obviously didn't expect to see me home. We don't live together, and I never gave him a key. FML

#21067356
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46895) - you deserved it (3751)

On 02/21/2014 at 4:59am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Russian Federation (Lipetsk)

Today, I let my sister hold my newborn daughter for the first time. I heard her mutter under her breath, "I could kill you so easily..." FML

Today, at work, I was taking a woman's measurements while she held her screaming baby. To silence the infant, she whipped out her breast right there and started feeding him. Moments later, he puked breast milk all over my desk. FML

#20905964
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39930) - you deserved it (3507)

On 10/03/2013 at 1:39pm - work - by blargh - Russian Federation (Moscow City)

Today, my two parrots decided that my head was the best place to have sex. FML

#20903328
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42318) - you deserved it (5387)

On 10/01/2013 at 1:32pm - animals - by NestHead (woman) - Russian Federation (Moscow City)

Today, I spent half-an-hour listening to my therapist telling me enthusiastically how people used to communicate telepathically before verbal languages were invented. FML

#20847442
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36302) - you deserved it (3272)

On 08/21/2013 at 3:18am - misc - by verydepressed - Russian Federation (Tomsk)

Today, my husband of 6 years said in a grave voice that he had some important news for me. Jokingly, I said, "Why, did you get that cute colleague of yours pregnant?" He did. FML

#20593773
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68853) - you deserved it (6140)

On 04/15/2013 at 2:36pm - love - by wow (woman) - Russian Federation (Saint Petersburg City)

Today, on the way home, a guy yelled "Hey, YOU!" from behind me, so I walked faster. He ran up to me, shouting, "I said stop, asshole!" I almost pissed myself in fear, thinking I was being mugged. Turns out I'd left my wallet at the grocery store, and he was just trying to return it. FML

#20528351
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19569) - you deserved it (41042)

On 03/02/2013 at 4:44pm - money - by stabbed with kindness (man) - Russian Federation (Moskva)

Today, I got stuck for a while in a hallway between two security doors due to a malfunction. I'm not claustrophobic, but I sure am sensitive to horrifying smells coming from a nearby bathroom stall. FML

#18906586
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19530) - you deserved it (1821)

On 01/25/2012 at 10:50am - work - by replik - Russian Federation

Today, I got home from my 6-week vacation. Apparently, my mum cleaned my room for me while I was gone because my vibrator was neatly tucked into my blanket, next to my pillow instead of being hidden under my bed. FML

#18868671
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25917) - you deserved it (8459)

On 01/21/2012 at 5:45am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Russian Federation

Today, I found out that I was moving to Germany. I'm going to be put back a year in school because of the system change. I also don't speak a word of German. Why? Because my mother wants to brag about this experience to her friends. FML

#17493123
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29616) - you deserved it (2401)

On 08/16/2011 at 8:05pm - kids - by Awesome (woman) - Russian Federation

Today, my three year old sister asked me to go to the amusement park with her. Since I was late for work, I politely refused and said we'd go tomorrow. She punched me in the nuts so hard that I could barely walk. FML

#17438082
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26651) - you deserved it (4954)

On 08/11/2011 at 4:45am - kids - by IRum (man) - Russian Federation

Today, at my anniversary party and in front of all our friends, I accidentally called my husband-to-be by my ex-boyfriend's name. FML

#17163973
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13916) - you deserved it (43277)

On 07/18/2011 at 2:23pm - love - by Daria_Weiner (woman) - Russian Federation (Moscow City)



FML's blog

  • Krumla's Illustrated FML
  • It's Friday, so a bold font is required. I was sitting in my caravan by the side of busy road cooking cocktail sausages over a gas stove when I realised it was time to start writing something about this…

Friday 24 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: