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FMLs submitted from Reserved

Today, it's my 21st birthday. My parents' gift was a case of non-alcoholic beer, to "prepare" me for when I "turn 21." My parents can't even remember how old I am. FML

#18177670
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32973) - you deserved it (2268)

On 11/06/2011 at 7:26pm - misc - by Anonymous - Reserved

Today, I was in an elevator with my girlfriend when it suddenly stopped. Thinking of being spontaneous like in all the movies, I propped her up on the railings and started getting passionate. That's when the emergency phone rang. And I discovered there was a security camera. FML

#18167673
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17367) - you deserved it (38363)

On 11/05/2011 at 8:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Reserved

Today, I had to tell all the trick-or-treaters that I'd run out of candy. I'd actually bought about $50 worth of candy, but managed to eat all of it by myself, sitting alone in my apartment, exactly like last year. FML

#18127186
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13760) - you deserved it (44865)

On 11/01/2011 at 5:09am - misc - by candice - Reserved

Today, my parents got rid of our detachable shower head. Looks like I'm single again. FML

#18070582
309 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29864) - you deserved it (35280)

On 10/25/2011 at 6:15am - intimacy - by sad - Reserved

Today, I saw a father and son playing football in a car park when I was on my way to work. The ball rolled towards me so feeling nice I kicked it back to them. Turns out it went straight through their car window. FML

#18044190
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26440) - you deserved it (6542)

On 10/22/2011 at 4:34am - misc - by tom0441 - Reserved

Today, I had to escort some dumbass teenager from Home Depot after I found him masturbating in one of the model washrooms. FML

#17982026
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41683) - you deserved it (3261)

On 10/14/2011 at 12:30pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Reserved

Today, I walked in on my flatmate squatting over the bathroom scales, completely naked. When I asked what he was doing, he replied very seriously, "weighing my testicles, you should try it sometime, if they're too heavy you may have cancer". I'm a girl. FML

#17950170
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32674) - you deserved it (2868)

On 10/10/2011 at 4:29am - health - by Anonymous - Reserved

Today, I was playing video games at 2am. My guinea pig started squealing at me, and wouldn't stop until I turned out the lights and got into bed. I'm 20 years old, and I've let a rodent dictate my bedtime. FML

#17911621
304 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28897) - you deserved it (21611)

On 10/05/2011 at 2:58pm - animals - by Beeisc00l - Reserved

Today, I drove to the liquor store completely naked except for my dressing gown, with a carload of idiot stoners who ran in and stole vodka, tequila and whiskey. We drank in a bush. Last week I was a good citizen, and now I'm white trash. I'm not quite sure what happened in between. FML

#17908235
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8566) - you deserved it (62491)

On 10/04/2011 at 11:28pm - misc - by danii - Reserved

Today, I woke up after a few friends came over last night. There are eggs, coins and Oreos glued to the ceiling, 10 broken jars, no food left, and most of the contents of my house are in the garden. And I'm naked and covered in permanent marker drawings of Pokémon. My parents return in an hour. FML

#17899100
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13515) - you deserved it (52465)

On 10/03/2011 at 9:19pm - misc - by danii - Reserved

Today, like always, my parents are such tightwads that they refused to turn the heating system on, despite the ball-freezing temperatures. I was so cold, I had to resort to warming my hands up over the toaster. FML

#17812468
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27487) - you deserved it (3558)

On 09/23/2011 at 10:33am - health - by freezingggg - Reserved

Today, my boyfriend confessed that after every fight we have, he dips my toothbrush in the toilet. FML

#17803016
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38399) - you deserved it (5232)

On 09/22/2011 at 6:31am - love - by nicole - Reserved

Today, after several long years, a lot of debt, and two great degrees from a top university, I had to move back in with my parents, because no matter where I look, I can't find a job. FML

#17707325
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37047) - you deserved it (3895)

On 09/09/2011 at 10:19pm - work - by Anonymous - Reserved



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