FMLs submitted from Reserved

Today, I found my dogs freezing outside. My neighbor was supposed to watch them while I was away, and on my way home I called to let her know she should let them have a quick walk. She thought I'd be home soon enough that she wouldn't have to let them back in. It was minus 10c out. FML

by Enyo / 01/01/2013 at 12:35pm / Reserved / Animals

Today, my dog managed to pull a one-pound package of raw bacon out and eat the entire package including the cardboard. The vets cheered when they finally got him to puke up the entire, unchewed package of bacon. FML

Today, a client stared at me in disbelief after I mentioned that I had a boyfriend. FML

by kat / 02/21/2012 at 4:53am / Reserved / Work

Today, I was having lunch at McDonald's when I dropped a French fry down my shirt. It stuck out the top of my bra. Before I had the chance to remove it, a creepy man picked it out and ate it saying that it was the best French fry he had ever eaten. FML

by Anonymous / 02/05/2012 at 10:45am / Reserved / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried to inconspicuously hock a loogie. It went down my bra. FML

by Courtney / 02/04/2012 at 3:22pm / Reserved / Miscellaneous

Today, while coming back from skiing, a woman asked me if I could help her carry her stroller. I put my skis down and helped her. When I came back to pick my skis up, I saw two guys running away with my gear. You try chasing someone while wearing ski boots. FML

Today, I went to the gynecologist for the first time. I was so nervous that when she extended her hand to shake mine, I gave her my handbag instead. FML

by shellie / 01/13/2012 at 2:48am / Reserved / Health

Today, I received a very expensive bottle of wine for Christmas. My alcoholic mother snuck into my house while I was out and drank the whole bottle. FML

by laststand11 / 12/25/2011 at 8:35pm / Reserved / Miscellaneous

Today, two American guys attacked me for not speaking their language. I'm from England, and they said I'm speaking my own language wrong. FML

by Brit / 12/16/2011 at 3:50am / Reserved / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting a historical war bunker when I accidentally let rip a small fart. My boyfriend responded with a horribly loud, horrendous fart, and loudly announced, "This is war." There were people, lots of people. FML

by Dani / 11/28/2011 at 7:34am / Reserved / Miscellaneous

Today, I was verbally abused by a guy in a 4-wheel-drive twat-tank for listening to music on my iPod while I was "blocking the way." I was standing on the footpath waiting for a bus. At a bus stop. FML

by Dave B / 11/25/2011 at 1:59am / Reserved / Transportation

Today, we had a sprint race in gym class which I wasn't looking forward to because I'm a little chubby. The race started and I shot off as fast as I could, somehow in the lead. Everyone was cheering. When I was nearing the finish line I turned around, only to see the race hadn't started yet. FML

by dan / 11/18/2011 at 11:54pm / Reserved / Miscellaneous

Today, I received a fine for leaving my car at the airport. Each day it's been there, they added an additional $50. My car was stolen two weeks ago. FML